Tantrum Progress

BoyOne had a tantrum on Monday evening. This hasn't happened to this extent for quite some time. We were caught off guard because his behavior has been so much more what we originally expected it to be like and also the reason for the tantrum was just plain ridiculous.

We have a dinner table that seats eight. There are eight of us. Perfect. We do not have assigned seats. I believe that this gives the kids freedom to choose where they want to sit, and me freedom to choose where they are going to sit :). Plus, it's nice to shake things up a little every night in a not so crazy way.

For the past four months, BoyOne has HAD to sit at the exact same seat for every meal. While annoying, we have just let it slide for the most part. Monday night I asked him to sit at the other side of the table because one of his little sisters wanted to sit by him. Holy freak out! I decided that this was not worth the tantrum, so I offered him his other seat back saying that he could sit here tonight, but reminded him that he would not always be able to sit in that very seat. Now, it is beyond me why this one seat is so attractive to him. It makes no sense. He very grumpily moved back to his coveted seat, but proceeded to flip out again when he saw that he was sitting in between two sisters. Weirdness #1, people, we are a predominantly female household. He is always sitting by at least one girl and even at times two. He started yelling and stomping around and I told him to sit his butt down and stop yelling.

him: 'I no sit here. I no this chair.'

me: 'sit down or go to bed.'

He sat. This alone shows how much progress he has made. At this point sister was crying (she's four) because he had made it pretty obvious that he did not want to be by her and her feelings were hurt. Weirdness #2, I'm pretty sure that this is his favorite sister, so why he suddenly did not want her by him is another mystery.

He continued to escalate and the mood at the table deteriorated rapidly. He was about to get two choices. I told him to look at me while I talked to him, which he did. This is another amazing example of how far he has come! Eye contact for these kids is pretty much non-existent in the beginning and is a difficult skill to learn. I did have to remind him about 19 times during our one minute conversation, but he complied and that is huge! Option 1, I told him that if he wanted to behave like this, he would need to leave the table until he could be nice. We wanted to have fun during dinner and did not want him ruining it for all of us. He would be able to dine by himself later. Option 2 was that he could change his attitude and eat with the family. He chose to go upstairs to his room!! This was hilarious! The boy is so stubborn! We were eating one of his favorite meals and I know he was way hungry, but he would not humble himself enough to be decent to anyone. So, off to his bedroom he stomped, slamming doors and yelling in Russian, while the rest of us enjoyed dinner together.

After dinner we had a family game night that he did not attempt to join. However, right as we were kneeling down for family prayer, BoyOne came down to join us. We were kind of surprised. Evidence yet again of how far this boy has come! On his own accord, he chose to join the family for our prayer and group hug. I was impressed. I also figured I would continue to reign as Most Stubborn Member of the Household. After prayer, we asked him if he wanted to eat his dinner. He refused! Okay, so maybe he is still trying to steal my title:)

Weirdness #3, his refusing to eat dinner hurt no one but himself. Why did he choose to do this?! I don't understand. Whatever. Maybe he was subconsciously punishing himself? We even set his plate in the refrigerator and told him that he could change his mind and come eat at any time. The plate is still in the fridge. (by the way, why do we spell 'refrigerator' without a d, but 'fridge' with a d? This is really confusing to kids. I know because I just corrected a bunch of spelling tests and half of them got this word wrong.)

When I tucked him in that night, I made sure to let him know how proud we are of him for all of his progress. The mere fact that he made eye contact with me when I asked was fairly earth shattering and I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him doing that even when he was mad. He is a very good boy and his behavior has come so very far. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and read, say, every entry from when we were in Ukraine... I love him and am so thankful that he is my son. I can't imagine life without him. Either of them. I can't believe that they've only been here a little over four months. It seems like they have been with us forever and that is a good way to feel!