Alive!

Last week this title would have been 

'Alive, barely'

This week it is 

'Alive!'

And I am so glad that has changed.  There's a lot to update on.  We've been without a computer for almost two weeks (augh!!! try to plan lessons without a computer, etc!) and so I haven't recorded all the goings on.  It was honestly probably a heavenly intervention that I could not record all the goings on because it wasn't pretty.  I'm being pretty personal and baring quite a bit here, so I feel like I'm going out on a limb a bit.  I generally try to be very honest, but this is a little more than I usually share.  I'll do bullet points to catch us up to speed and then end with a couple sweet stories.

-BoyTwo was naughty.

-like REALLY naughty.

-all. the. time.

-and I had HAD IT!!!!

-he was ruining my life!  He was running my life.  The world was revolving around him and we were all suffering from it.

-I was missing out on parts of my other kids lives that I really needed to be there for because I was busy with him being in trouble for hitting, kicking, refusing to do work, yelling, etc.

-I allowed BoyTwo to get the best of me on Mother's Day.  Did he do anything different?  Not really but there was a straw (him refusing to get into the car for church) that broke the camel's (my) back.  He really loves to control me like that.  It didn't matter at all that it was Mother's Day, I honestly didn't care about that and he didn't know that it was any sort of a holiday.  It would have/could have happened any day.  And it usually does happen.  Every day.  I was worn out and done in.  He is so defiant.  He manipulates.  I wondered if there was really any chance of him becoming any different than he currently was.  I honestly did not believe that there would ever be any change.  I had a bit of a melt down and then felt better by Tuesday.  

-It was decided that BoyTwo would only attend school in the morning until lunch at which time I would bring him home, feed him and put him down for a nap.  He slept for almost two hours every day when I brought him home.  He really is a toddler.  I feel dumb that I didn't realize that he was so sleep deprived earlier (he sleeps 11 hours every night so I thought we were good), but decided I wasn't going to beat myself up over it.

-Huz went out of town for the weekend leaving me with the kids and their schedules for what was possibly the busiest weekend we have had as a family all year.  Two dance recitals, a dance competition, soccer game, and an opera performance that two of the kids were in.  All in 29 hours beginning Friday at 4 and ending Saturday at 9.  During those 29 hours we were only home for eight of them.  Yeah.  It was a loooooong weekend!

-He made up for it by buying me a new camera. :)

-I survived the weekend with the help of my sister and sister-in-law.  Thanks to them!!!  Big time.

-I finally scheduled a doctor appointment for BoyTwo for his ADHD/ODD paperwork that we got from the school.  I have held off because he has had so many adjustments to make, I wanted to try as many other things as I could before throwing him in to be medicated (because I knew that is part of what they would do), etc.  

-BoyTwo was officially diagnosed with ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder).  shocking, I know.  (that was sarcasm because it is SO obvious!!)  It's possible that he is a little RADish and maybe has some PTSD (again no big surprise there).  I'm sure the therapist he will begin seeing will be able to let us know their official opinion on that.  He began taking some medication.  Unfortunately, because I waited until the end of the school year, it will be difficult for us to figure out how things are going in regards to the medication.  The medication will help him to concentrate, not behave like a rockstar.  School's out, so whatever.  

-During the week of school that he was on medication I was also checking him out after only 2 1/2 hours.  But, he behaved fairly well during those times.  He did not hurt anyone.  Is it the medication?  Is it the naps?  It's hard to know.  It's probably both.  He did go to a full day of school on the day before the last day of school because I had scheduled appointments for myself before deciding to pull him at half day.  I chose not to reschedule my appointments and his teacher was fine with this.  I really love the school.  Such a stark contrast from our experience there last year.  Bless them.  He had an okay day that day.

-I pulled myself together enough to realize that I had allowed this little boy to dictate my life.  He was controlling me and I was allowing it.  I also lost sight of who he really was.  All I could see was this naughty little boy who was turning my world upside down and knocking down anyone who was in his way (quite literally).  I began to see him again for who he really is.  A damaged, lost, traumatized, hurt, confused, child of God.  A little boy who did not choose the things that happened to him, a little boy who wanted a mommy and to get the heck out of Ukraine.  Instead of seeing ONLY the sad and frightening statistics that he may still become with the difficulties that he has ahead of him, I once again see the possibility that he may become a different statistic.  A sort of 'miracle' statistic.  I am reminded that Heavenly Father can do anything.  Even this.  I remembered that the Atonement of Jesus Christ covers all this craziness!  I needed to remember this.  It's really hard to do things alone.  It wasn't like I wasn't praying, because I was.  It wasn't like I had given up on God, because I hadn't.  I had let myself fall into the trap of believing that God works miracles for other people.  But then (due to the prayers of I'm sure my husband, parents and sisters who were a bit concerned about me), He began to work the miracle in me.  My heart began to change and I remembered that it is not my job to 'change' BoyTwo.  Because really, I can only change myself.  My job is to let the mercy of Heavenly Father and the power of the Atonement take care of BoyTwo.  It's a lot easier when I let them handle all that, when I quit trying to be responsible for it all.

phew.

Now, for the cute/sweet stories.  I've said before, but BoyOne is really a joy.  He is night and day different from his brother.  

A few days ago, BoyOne told us he had had a bad dream that night in which a different family with eight kids had come to our house and adopted him from us.  They had some sort of document.  He had to go live with them and they didn't really like him and four of the other kids that were theirs.  They made these bad kids stay in the basement and not go outside.  When we assured him that no one could take him away from us and that he was stuck with us, he said,

'I am good I am stuck with you!'

me too, BoyOne, me too.

BoyOne wrecked on his skateboard and got a little bit of road rash and hurt his wrist.  One of our doctor friends looked at it and we don't think it's broken/fractured, but it has been hurting him.  One morning he came downstairs and told me his hand was feeling better.  "Good!" I told him.  "Mom, it is because I pray last night to dear Heavenly Father (that's what he calls him, how cute is that?!) to help my hand no hurt and he help me."

This afternoon, BoyOne went home teaching with Huz.  In our church, each family is assigned a 'home teacher' who visits their family at least once a month with a gospel message.  The home teachers also look for opportunities to help and serve this family.  The family can call upon the home teachers if they need anything.  Today, Huz asked BoyOne to give the lesson.  BoyOne was scared, but he chose a talk  from the prophet of our church and paraphrased it in English and then gave his testimony of the importance of prayer and having peace in the family.  It was so great to hear him do this, especially because I know that he believes these things.  He believes in God and Jesus.  He believes in prayer.  He believes in families.  

Tonight he came up to me randomly and threw his arms around me in a very tight hug and told me thank you for adopting him and getting him from Ukraine, that he was very glad he was here with us and that he loved us.  

I'm so glad that they are here.  Yes, both of them.  And I love them both, too.  I can't imagine life without them.  Before they came, I knew they were missing.  We weren't complete.  We needed them as much, if not more, than they needed us.  I'm glad that I didn't give up back then, during all the drama that took place pre-adoption and during the drama of the actual adoption.  And I'm glad that I didn't give up now.  

Yard Sale, Best Week Ever, and Warm Heart

This past Saturday, One and her friend asked if they could have a yard sale.  I told them that they could not.  They asked again, saying that they were only selling their own things, so I agreed (gave in).  After I helped them adjust a few prices (a shirt marked at $11 that probably originally sold for $11 was remarked at $1), they sat up their card table and the neighbor kids in our circle swarmed in like bees on soda pop.

During the day I noticed how many cars were driving through our circle.  Because we are at the end of a culdesac (clearly marked as a dead end), we rarely get extra traffic.  There is the occasional car that makes its way up to our house, but not frequently.  Because I have better things to do than wonder at the oddity of random cars cruising our little street, I let it go.  Later that day, as I ran to the store I noticed a 'Yard Sale' sign clear out on the main road, with arrows, leading cars to our house, thus the extra traffic.  It made me laugh to think that all these poor people had trooped up here only to find two little girls selling 15 stuffed animals, flip flops made of duct tape and an overpriced t-shirt.  Somehow they managed to each make $4 (courtesy of the neighbors and siblings.  It bugs that these little 'sales' just recycle more crap into the house, but it kept them all busy.  pick your battles, stephanie).

This week I am in charge of 'Teacher Appreciation Week' at the elementary school.  This means that I've been doing a lot of extra baking and cooking.  Tuesday, when the kids woke up to cinnamon rolls, they declared this 'the best week ever!'

And last night, after everyone pitching in to pick up the disaster that we call home, as BoyTwo headed up the stairs to put his clean clothes away he called down to me,

'Mom!  My heart feels warm and good!  It feel this because I help and do good thing!'

"That's right BoyTwo, that is Heavenly Father telling you that you are doing a good job.  It's so nice when our hearts feel good, isn't it."

And then he put his warm, feeling good heart to bed with the rest of the crazies.  It was a beautiful thing to see him finally (after eight long months of expecting it to happen, then desperately hoping for it to happen, then seriously doubting the likelihood of it happening and then feeling hopeful again) feel something.

Heart Attack

I think I can wait for summer.

I've been inside cleaning/cooking and I saw the kids go around the side of the house to climb the neighbor's tree.  I usually don't mind that they do this, as long as they are safe and as long as the neighbor doesn't care.  Sometimes they get a little high, but nothing that makes me nervous, nothing that I didn't do when I was little (maybe the height of a one story roof line).

As I rounded the corner to check on them I about had a heart attack.  Three of them were in the tree (it's a pine) at the top.  As in the little skinny part at the very tip top of the tree that is higher than the roof line of my neighbor's two story house.

I told them they'd better get down so I could kill them, unless they fell out of the tree and died first.  Good crimeny.  Unfortunately the tree is now absolutely off limits.  

vaccination boosters

...or whatever the technical term is.  The untechnical term is shots and it freaks the heck out of the boys.  I'm not one to beat it around the bush, I just tell them about two days beforehand (this is for all the kids) and I tell them what and why.  I know everybody does it different, but it would really bug me if something was popped on me, and I don't want to do that to the kids.  If you know it's coming up, you'd better be upfront with me.  (no telling me two days before that you are heading off on a weekend long golfing trip.  not that huz would ever do that or anything...)

So, the good news is that we did NOT put the clinic in lockdown because the boys ran away.  Definite improvement.  The bad news really isn't so bad, more sad or funny depending how you look at it.  BoyTwo handled it all fine.  I told BoyOne he'd better hold it together for his brother's sake and he did alright.  Well, he sat in the front seat on the way there where he couldn't really be seen:)  

When it was his turn for the shots, BoyTwo did this weird thing where he tried to hyperventilate so that he would pass out (what the crap do they teach them in Ukraine?!) and I had to smack his head to snap him out of it.  The nurse was saying over and over, 'okay buddy, don't do that, you're going to faint.'  As if 1) he was actually listening to her and 2) he happened to know what that even meant.  But the head whap brought him right back to real life.  Don't worry, it wasn't hard.

BoyOne was hyperventilating and crying in the car on the way to the appointment and continued to do so until well on our way home, but I'll hand it to him, he didn't run away, he didn't scream like he was being tortured and he didn't swear at me or anyone else.  All in all it was a positive experience.

And just because I'm sure somebody is thinking that maybe I shouldn't tell them when these things are about to happen because of their reactions, it is my opinion that they are smart enough that if we were to enter a doctor's office they'd flip out because they figured it out, or it would damage the trust we've managed to build.  It's just what works for us.

p.s.  I nearly forgot to tell that as we entered the clinic that BoyOne told me he was going to run away again, but I told him if he did he wouldn't be playing any more soccer.  It made me happy to know that he knows I am not kidding:) and he sat down and continued to leak water out his eyes.  Also, when BoyTwo got down from the table he collapsed on the floor claiming he could no longer walk.  The nurse simply said, 'I didn't break your legs, I gave you a shot.  Get up.'  and he did.  hahahahaha

There is Hope

I'm getting used to this new blogging set up and there are actually a few things I like about it.  I guess old dogs CAN learn new tricks:)

As you read earlier this week, BoyTwo lost (forcefully removed) his tooth.  He received $2.  Tooth fairy always gives $2 for the first tooth and then a dollar for every tooth after that.  It works well for our family except when the tooth fairy is really tired and forgets to come or sometimes she forgets to actually get a dollar bill (sad, I know, that we don't just have those laying around...haha)

Tuesday at school there was this little 'mini store' where things are sold for $1.  There are a million things for sale and they are all geared toward Mother's and Father's Day gifts.  I wasn't planning on having my kids take any of their money to school to buy us anything because quite honestly I thought that I didn't want one more thing laying around the house and I'd rather them save their dollars for their 'big ticket items.'  Each kiddo is saving their money for something 'big' like a scooter or i-pod (One and Two have been saving for a year and a half for this one, impressive), stuffed animal or skateboard.

Unbeknownst to me, BoyTwo took his Tooth Fairy money to school with him that day.  When he discovered that his sister, Three, who is in his same school class, was without money, he gave her one of his precious dollars and then spent the other dollar on a gift for me.

Is that not the sweetest, most heart warming, full of hope for mankind story you've heard in awhile?  

Core Testing

me: "How did the test go today?"

BoyOne: "Good!" way more enthusiastically than I felt was appropriate for an eighth grader who is taking and testing on seventh grade math who is really at a fourth grade level.

me, skeptically: "Really?" 

BoyOne: "Yeah, mom!  I sit this boy and my friends and they say to me a, c, b."

me:  "So, you cheated?"

BoyOne: "No!  They say okay they help me.  They no mad.  Teacher say to me answers."

really people?  thanks a lot for undoing what I have been working on for seven freaking months.