Friday Night

Tonight BoyOne is on a scout 'camp out' overnighter.

Three was at a birthday party until bedtime.

One was at a 'late night' until bedtime.

We were down three kids.

I was lookin' for them all night long:)

**I'm also really entertained by Four who calls leprechauns 'top o' the morning to ya' and talks about them all. the. time. 'and then top o' the morning to ya' left foot prints...' 'and top o' the morning to ya likes rainbows too, mom...' etc.

Rambling Ranting

BoyTwo is a button pusher. Big time.

Today was picture day at school. Did he know this? Nope. Because he would try to sabotage it. Instead, I had everyone's things laying out and ready to go. I also had to be at the school first thing this morning for a field trip to the symphony (super cool!!) so preparation was key here.

He put on the wrong clothes two different times before dressing in the clothes that he was supposed to wear. He acted all innocent and surprised when I had him change into the clothes he was supposed to wear which, honestly, confuses me. Did he really not understand that he was to put on the clothes I handed him, even though I know full well that he DID understand what I was saying to him? Did he really 'forget'? Twice? The clothing that I had selected for him is clothing that he LIKES to wear, that he will choose for himself even, so it's not like he was trying to avoid wearing something that in his mind is dorky or that he dislikes wearing.

Then, this dingbat of a mother made the mistake of telling him that he needed to leave his shirt on. He had a t-shirt on underneath a button up shirt and I didn't want him taking the button up shirt off (just a casual button up, again, something that he's worn before) and being photographed in the tacky t-shirt. I wanted to send this picture to Ukraine to his bio family and to the orphanage. I really wanted him to look like a normal kid, not the big crazy that he is when he's at school. So yes, in retrospect, this was a mistake to say this to him. Even BoyOne pointed out that BoyTwo always leaves his shirt on, but that because I told him to leave it on, he did the opposite. He also proceeded to give other examples of this being the case. (not in a rude sort of way, but as he was lecturing his brother in Russian)

I got back from the field trip in time to pick up the other kids after school. His button up shirt was missing. As in not only was it NOT on his body, it was lost.

Are you kidding me?!

To the average person, this probably looks innocent.

Not so.

The child knew he was to keep his shirt on. He knew. Time and again he is doing the exact opposite of what is asked of him. I believe he is doing this on purpose. When I ask him what he was supposed to have done, he can ALWAYS tell me. (i.e. Yesterday he asked to go to the neighbors house. He already knows that this is not an option for him anymore as he has been STEALING from them (for the love of Pete!!). I told him no. He immediately went to their home. I called him back home and he told me he knew he wasn't supposed to go to their house, but he wanted to take more of their toys, yes right there admitting to me that he was going there to steal again and therefore did what he wanted. auuuuuugh.) So with the shirt, he knew. He KNEW! Part of me wanted to just let this go. So he took his shirt off. Big deal. He's a little boy. Who cares. But then I saw the look in his eyes where he is watching me with a sort of challenging glare to see if I'm going to let him get away with whatever it is he's done. I get so tired of these games! I know that if I let this go, then in his mind whether he is conscious of it or not, he thinks that he can choose when to obey. Then I wonder if I'm imagining this. Is he really testing me? Really?! Or is this part of a disability that he has where he truly is not capable of connecting thoughts and behaviors and actions? Is that challenging glare because he's feeling defensive because he knows he did something wrong even though he doesn't understand what or why? Is he looking at me like this because he is so used to being beat that he STILL after seven months can't even begin to understand that he is safe here, that we won't beat him? This is the tiring part I'm talking about.

When he finally found the shirt, consequently making us late for the next place we were supposed to be (by the way, I know enough to not let him know every detail of what is going on because he does try to sabotage things sometimes -and then I think maybe this isn't a disability, he really does mean to do the things that he does at times- and when he doesn't know, he cannot control what is going on. So, he didn't know that we were headed someplace else and therefore wasn't purposely trying to make us late as he sometimes does), I put the shirt on him backwards and buttoned it up. Like you do with your toddler who won't leave their diaper and pajamas on who then proceeds to poop in their crib and play Picasso while they are supposed to be napping.

My mind is exhausted. It's kind of mushy to begin with, and the fact that I constantly have to be thinking ahead, figuring out how to tell him no without actually saying no to avoid me being the one 'responsible' for his actions and placing that responsibility on him, attend school part time (no, I'm not in college as I had dreamed I someday would be, I attend first stinking grade), trying to figure out what is manipulation and control and what is truly innocent human error, etc., etc., etc., I have a hard time keeping up.

Sometimes I think that there is no way a child this young can be this messed up. I see evidences of a disability and am not sure how much I should attribute to this. I think that he cannot possibly be this manipulative and controlling. But, he's right there doing something to prove that he is! It is exhausting.

I'm tempted to pull him out of school because I feel like things that take place there undo what we do at home (sometimes people will tell him how great he is and that he is fantastic-his favorite praise word- after he has been running through the halls yelling, hitting kids, being disruptive, etc. because he does one little thing okay. This just reinforces that he can get away with his bad behavior. Why is that so hard for people to understand?! Tell him good job for writing his name, not that he is fantastic and had an awesome day when quite clearly he did NOT!! Granted they may not be aware of all the naughty, but please, just assume it has happened because I can guarantee that it has and just praise the one thing that is witnessed). I will not be doing this because, in the words of my wise husband, I would go crazy and then the rest of the family would go crazy with me.

I wonder how much I/we have done wrong. It's so hard to parent this craziness. You are always second guessing what you are doing or what you have done. Always wondering. Always thinking of other options for the next time. Always reading anything you can get your desperate little hands on. Always rehashing the past (I try not to do this one too much). It literally keeps me up all. night.

I really want to be more than a parole officer to this kid. I want to think he is darling and cute and eat ice cream together and blow kisses in his direction, but instead, I get to be a drill sergeant. All. The. Time. I also feel judged by people who have no idea what is going on. I know this shouldn't bother me, but right now it does. He flinches every time he gets in any sort of trouble and I am sure that people think it is because we beat him, not because he was beat so frequently before that he still recoils out of habit. On the flip side of being judged, I've had a couple kind, generous, caring people offer to take him from me for an hour to give me a break. I cannot do this. Part of it is pride. I don't want them returning him after this hour telling me how great he was and that he is so cute and that he behaved so well for them, because I know he would do that. And then a month later they would realize they were missing stuff. I fear that they would think to themselves that he is not so bad and decide that if I only did ________(fill in the blank) that he would be just fine and that maybe I am the real problem here. He is really good at acting cute for a first timer. The other reason I won't drop him off on someone else's doorstep for an hour is because during that hour he is playing and having fun and doing whatever the hell he wants because that's what people do with a kid like him because it's just an hour, you know?, and why should he be rewarded with a playdate when he is cahoots with the devil?! Also, the sobering fact that I then have to deal with the aftermath and it is just not worth it.

Do I love him? Yes. Do I like him? Yes. Do I like his behavior? Not a bit. Do I have any regrets? Nope. I'd still do this again. I'm really glad that we had to go through so much to get them here. It was a real blessing to have to deal with so much garbage. It is a reminder to me every day not so much that 'this was what I wanted' or 'this was what I signed up for', but a reminder that Heaven moved Earth to get them here and that there is a reason this boy is here with us. Often the only thing that I get right during the day is the times that I am bringing all my shortcomings before my Heavenly Father and pleading with Heaven to intervene in our behalf. I think that is one of the most interesting things that happens to us during a difficult time. We are made well aware of all the ways we fall short and in turn, given the opportunity to heavily rely on the Lord and on our Savior. Opportunity being the key. It is an opportunity to be taken, will we? It is abundantly clear that I cannot do this alone. That I do not have all the skills and know how to be the perfect parent to my children. Will this push me over the edge (sometimes I'm close) or will it drop me to my knees? I know that there are two sides rooting for me. One that wants to help me and see me succeed and another that whispers in my ear all. day. long. that I cannot do this. (Satan, get lost!) I also can't help but think that some of us (me) must be more hard headed than others to have to go to Ukraine three times in three months for one adoption and then have this party to go to every day. But at the end of the day (or the middle of the night), I usually (let's be honest, sometimes I pass out without praying) lay down committed to the one who cheers me on. Usually with food in hand. And not a vegetable.

Reading

We've got two new readers in the house! I love to read and I love that my kids love to be read to. I love when they learn to read and anxiously await the day when they begin to LOVE to read. This is exciting for me:)

A couple weeks ago as Three was reading to me, Four was sitting nearby. Three was struggling to pronounce a word (poor kid, still trying to figure this out) when Four sounded it out for her.

Yep, she can read. Very basic and beginning, but she is reading nonetheless and is very excited about this. I'm not going to make her wait until she is in kindergarten to help her advance like I did with One. When One was four years old, she too began reading. Somebody, actually several somebodies, advised me to not encourage her reading as it is a kindergarten skill and she would be so bored if she was too far ahead. As she is my firstborn, I listened to that crap and while I let her read, I did not encourage it, nor did I help her. So lame! Anyhow, kindergarten started, she was bored out of her mind anyway. I have always regretted not helping her move forward when she wanted to so badly. What a dumb lesson to learn. So, Four is reading and super excited about it and I am spending time with her, helping her learn to read.

Oh, the fine line we walk with encouraging our kids and trying to protect the hearts of others.

This is upsetting to Three for obvious reasons (she cannot read and it hurts both of our hearts). Now when I have the kids read to me we keep them isolated. It is private time with mom. We are all together when I read to them, so it's still good.

Last night after I finished up homework with BoyTwo (letters and math, always a struggle), I called Four over to the table to read with me. She pulled out her book and began sounding out words. BoyTwo watched her doing this and grabbed the book when she was finished with it. The look on his face was clear. Sibling rivalry. He then proceeded to sound out the words.

Honestly, I did not think this would happen for YEARS. It is a miracle. He is soooo excited. His reading is very beginning and he can only do words if he knows the letters (duh) and he cannot do letter blends (th, ch, sh, etc) yet and he has no idea what he is saying even though if I read it to him he comprehends, but people! The boy can read! (insert the hallelujah chorus) The whole school was cheering for him. It made me teary to see how many people care for this little guy. We stopped in the office because he wanted to show the principal that he could read. His audience there included the school special ed specialist, two secretaries, a 6th grade teacher, his letter/phonetics specialist and a couple random kids who were in the office for other reasons. They clapped. They cheered. They high-fived. They hugged. He stopped every person as we walked down the hall to the classroom. Each person clapped, cheered, high-fived and hugged. In his classroom he called his classmates to attention (that was pretty funny to witness) and read to them. I've never seen a classroom of first graders sit so silently and respectfully. When he was finished, they clapped, cheered, high-fived, hugged. He was a celebrity.

***but he couldn't handle all the positive feedback and had a terrible day at school. Hitting (as in multiple offenses), throwing rocks, disruptive, etc. It's so odd to me how difficult it is for some people to receive positive ANYTHING! I love the line from Megamind at the end of the movie when he saves the day and he is swarmed by people trying to thank and congratulate him and he almost laser beams them all. It epitomizes the boys:

"He's not used to positive feedback!"

How true.

Hip Hip Hooray!!!

This is my brand new niece, Adelaide. Isn't she so cute?! We were so happy when she was born, especially her mama because she was a week overdue:) Ooooh! I just want to squish her little cheeks!

One had a dance competition over the weekend. She and I were both sick:( But, she pulled herself together and somewhere between barfing and dancing she managed to place 2nd in her solo and her team scored 1st place for their Lyrical dance and Highpoint First for their Jazz dance. I'm not really sure how that is different, but they got a 6 foot tall trophy out of it so they were pretty excited. This was really a special competition for her because lots of our family were able to come watch. My mom was in town (thanks to Adelaide:)) and was able to see her perform for the first time ever! Aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents and awesome friends were there to support her. Thanks all!!

This winter Two and Three have been on a co-ed basketball team together. They begged and begged and begged to be on the team for two years. We made them a deal where they had to be able to dribble x amount of bounces and make x amount of shots and they did, so we signed them up. I also signed up Huz to coach. Pretty sure that he loves when I do that:) Anyhow, as with soccer, Three was waaaaaaaaay excited to play, but once she made her first basket, she felt like her mission was complete and was not very interested in finishing out the season. We encouraged (forced) her to press on for the remainder of the season and boy, was she ever glad that she did! At the end of the last game, which was yesterday, the kids that participated all received a trophy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was pretty excited.

And if Three was excited, well then, Two was ECSTATIC!!!!!!! She made her first basket during a game during the last game at the end, what a finale. The above picture is the look that she had on her face when the ball successfully went into the hoop. If we thought she was pumped then, well, times that by 1000 when she got the trophy. Her life is now complete. She sleeps with the trophy. She takes it to the bathroom with her. She took it to school in this little suitcase thing and was showing it to everyone. When I pulled up to the school today, she was showing it to some older girls. As One got into the car she rolled her eyes and told me that Two was showing her trophy to complete strangers and that it was sooooo embarrassing. haha I'm so glad that they are both so thrilled with their trophies. I'm pretty sure I'll be volunteering to purchase trophies for BoyOne's soccer team so he can have a trophy. The team he is on is beyond that but because he missed out on trophies and team pictures when he was little, it's important to me to let him have these opportunities now. He was so proud of his sisters when they made their baskets and was really impressed with their trophies in a wistful sort of way...

After living in my house for 1 1/2 years, I finally decided to paint the girls' room. I love color and the girls' rooms at our other house were darling!! They miss them and so do I, but I've had a hard time trying to visualize what I want. (They, on the other hand, have had no shortage of inspiration...) So, instead of waiting for the perfect idea to form in my mind, I bought a gallon of paint on a whim on Monday and Four and I spent the day painting part of their room yesterday. She was a great helper and her sisters were very impressed that she got to help and that she had done such a great job. It turned out very cute and the girls love it and I'm getting other ideas for their room as I breath:) BoyOne was a little jealous, given his little 'my room sucks' tantrum Monday. I had already purchased the paint for the girls' room at that point and knew he'd be bugged, but whatever. I had plans for their room as well, but since it sucks so bad, I'm not going to waste my time and money quite yet...

Dr. Seuss Day

For your entertainment, the Friday that was Dr. Seuss' birthday, in pictures.

Be sure NOT to enlarge this one, but at the same time look carefully at my glasses. Or rather lack there of. My glasses with my current prescription broke over a year ago. Ever since then I have been wearing my glasses from FOURTEEN years ago until they broke in half. (Not really sure why I still have them but I'm glad that I do.) Then, I'd just wear each side and if I was careful, they'd stay on for the most part. (I do usually wear contacts, but I don't usually put them in until after the kids have gone to school) Unfortunately, I lost the left side of my glasses. In all honesty, this is actually more fortunate than had I lost my right side, as I cannot see out of my right eye unless I have my glasses on. Also noticing that I REALLY could use some botox, holy toledo!! This is me, morning of.

*******

Ahhhhhh, Dr. Seuss. Did he have any idea that school children everywhere would celebrate his birthday WEEK?! I feel really bad for those moms who don't plan ahead. You know the ones who, as they are herding their kids out the door and into the car and cleaning yesterday's papers out of backpacks at the same moment, see the note in each stinking backpack about the class 'celebration'? Yes, I'm that mom and we had to haul everyone back inside to change outfits (Three and BoyTwo were to dress as their favorite story book character, I know, not exactly Dr. Seuss, but whatever). Three quickly and easily transitioned into 'Fancy Nancy', as she is usually dressed as her double most days anyway. We only had to 'updo' her hair and add twenty flowers. It was decided for BoyTwo that his favorite storybook character is the kid from Pingo (which actually is a book he really loves) which made it easy to throw him into the car as the kid just looks like a kid and I only had to hand BoyTwo the book to carry. (Didn't get his pic because he just looked like himself and although he is cute, a lot of days he isn't acting so cute and therefore doesn't seem that cute so I didn't take his picture. mean, but true.) Two was supposed to have Dr. Seuss hair as was One. So lucky for me that One can take care of that herself. Unlucky for her that meant I forgot to take her pic:( After all that we were only fifteen minutes late for school. Phew. If that was hard to follow and/or made you tired, try doing it in real life. I would like to add that if it looks like there are still 40 backpacks in the hall, most days it feels like I have 40+ children...

My very own Fancy Nancy, a.k.a. Three. Her face is so cute, but the back shot showed the hair better. This is an outfit she would normally wear to school. I kid you not.

Two's Dr. Seuss hair, again, she also has a cute face but we're talking about the hair here.

And Four did not want to be left out, so with all of our remaining four minutes until preschool carpool arrived, this is what we came up with.

Dr. Seuss, I hope you know how much you are loved.

p.s. I currently have eight, yes eight, loads of laundry piled on my couch in need of folding. At least they are clean. This makes me feel better. The washer and dryer are also full. Dilemma: Do I tackle and the kids are off the hook, or do I wait and make them help which is what the plan IS, but is also why the clothes are all still sitting there... Is it going to be dinner and homework or dinner and laundry. Or maybe homework and laundry and forget dinner. Hmmm...

Bite My Tongue

So, there's a lot to write about, but this usually ends up being the place that I vent. And because I need to vent, that need takes precedence over journaling.

BoyOne just spent the past fifteen minutes telling me how much his bedroom and bed suck. This all began because he wants a bunk bed. He also wants a basketball court in his room. And a t.v. And a computer. And a car. And a dragon. And a unicorn. (o.k. so I made the last two up) yada yada yada.

I asked him if he'd rather have his bed from the internat. That was all I said. I did not engage in this nonsensical bs. That is the bite my tongue part. For me that is biting my tongue. I do recognize that other, more mature adults may not even have said that, but people, I can't eat ice cream anymore!

So, do you know what he said? Let me tell you. He said yes, please, because his bed that he has now sucks and his Ukraine bed AT THE INTERNAT was big good. I was so proud of myself for not throwing him down in a choke hold. He wants a toddler bed without a boxspring and a wool rug for a blanket? This is the same bed that he told me just yesterday was crawling with lice and bedbugs. (although I don't know if that is necessarily true as the boys do not and did not have lice, but maybe at one point in the past that happened?)

Whatever.

Yana

This morning my beautiful, dear friend, Yana, passed away. I miss her so much.

Yana was beautiful inside and out. Her life is an example to so many. She was so kind and loving and faithful despite the harsh circumstances life provided for her. She was an amazing woman, talented and intelligent. She loved children and was a teacher to many. For many of the kids she interacted with, she was the only positive role model they will ever know. She remembered their names and their stories. Yana kept in touch with a lot of the children she met at the orphanages she worked at. The children loved her. She helped many, many people complete the adoptions of their children and was honest and loyal during her work and could be trusted completely. She loved the sunshine, milk shakes, reading, make up and God. The world is better because of her life.

Two Spelling Test Stories

BoyOne has a list of twenty-five spelling words each quarter for his Literature class. All of the students are tested on them at the end of the term, it's not just an ELL thing. He practices them on average, three times a week. I have developed a chart for him where the word is written in English with the Russian word right next to it. I was hoping he'd pick up on some language while doing this, but that was a crazy thought! His practice involves having him say the word aloud, spell the word aloud, then spell it aloud while writing it. He wraps it up by saying the word again. He does this three times for each word. I also give him examples of each word in two or three sentences. That is his least favorite part of studying,

"Okay! Mom! I know this. No talking!" lol. Right.

His test is tomorrow. He has been less than stellar in his (forced) attempts to 'learn' these words. Are they easy words? Not necessarily, but they're not difficult either. My fifth grader can spell them all. To make it fair, and to prove a (lost) point, I learned how to spell each word in Russian to show him it can be done and that the language barrier cannot be blamed for this. His response was to ask me how many degrees I have? Four? Five? lol. All because I can spell license and millionaire:)

Today he came home from school and told me excitedly that he was only going to be tested on ten of the words. Which ten, I wanted to know. He told me it didn't matter, he only needed to get ten right.

Soooooooo, I called his ELL aide to see if this was really true and it was. So, I emailed his Lit teacher and told her I thought he should be tested on and accountable for all 25 words. Hopefully she's on board. I told him he was going to have to take the whole test and be graded on all 25 words. He didn't really like that. I didn't really care. Then, I made him practice the words for quite a while, again something he did not like.

The thing is that he has had six weeks to learn these words. I have broken the words down, shown him the root word, the prefix, the suffix, given him tricks to remembering how to spell a word. He won't even pronounce the word correctly. He does not want to learn it. He does not care. He does. not. even. try. And that is what it boils down to. All we want is for him to try!!! If he tries his very best and gets zero words spelled correctly, I would be thrilled because at least he was trying. Whatever. We'll see what happens tomorrow. Whatever happens, he's not off the hook. I'll retest him at home 'til he gets them right.

That was the first spelling test story. Here's the second one:

Recap of Three's new 'plan.' She only has three spelling words. I told the 'team' that I didn't see how this was going to help her progress, it would only mean that she was learning a small portion of what she needed to and would therefore still be behind, but I was willing to try it. She got 2/3. How in the heavens did this child score so well on her testing?! Please!! Somebody explain this to me. She practiced these words, too. She also tried to spell all ten words although this was not required of her and she was aware of this. I don't know how to help her because I can't figure out what the problem is. I don't like spending the minimum required amount of homework time with her because she is falling further behind. I get the impression that her teacher is equally as frustrated.

the end

A Glimpse of What His Delays Look Like

He thought he was supposed to eat the stick when he was eating a sucker. We were in the car and in my rear view mirror I could see him licking away at it. Bottom of the stick all the way to the top of the sucker. I told him that he didn't need to eat that part, it was just for holding onto. He said, 'oh good, I no like this one (indicating stick).' When we were in Ukraine he would literally eat the whole stick of the suckers I handed out to the kids. I thought he was just being a gross little boy, but now I see that he was THAT hungry and honestly just didn't know.

He holds his hands up and palms outward the majority of the time. Jazz hands. Picture a fifteen month old sitting in his high chair playing with cheerios, or being excited about some toy they are playing with. You know how they always have their hands up? Same thing.

When eating a popsicle, he held onto the popsicle part even as his fingers froze and it dripped down his hands. I waited to see if he would figure it out on his own, but he did not and the mess was getting bigger than I wanted, so I showed him how to hold the stick. The sticky syrup drips down his chin and hands and arms and he is totally unaware of it. To clean off his dirty or sticky hands, he rubs them in his hair. Yum.

He holds silverware in his fist at the bottom of the utensil with his face touching the plate or bowl or whatever is holding the food. This is still such a challenge for him. He still thinks that he is going to starve. Food is always all over the place and all over him. His ears. His hair. His face. His hands. His clothing.

When it is dark outside, it means it is nighttime. At nighttime we go to bed.

When there is snow on the ground we wear shoes and coats. When the stove is on and bright red, we do not touch it. If you play outside in the snow for a really long time without a coat or gloves on and even start to cry because you are so cold, it generally means you should have come in a long time ago.

We can't say 'get your pajamas on' or 'get dressed'. We have to say 'take off your pants. take off your shirt. take off your socks. open your bottom drawer. choose a pair of pajamas (and he has to ask us if they are pajamas every time). put on the new pants that you just took out of your drawer (because if we say put on the pants or put on the pajama bottoms he gets confused sometimes and will put his pants that he had been wearing back on). put on the new shirt.' etc. This is getting better and progressing. It's just taking a really long time. Okay I feel like it's taking a really long time. It's not fair to him that according to my time frame it's taking a long time. Who knows?! Maybe for him he's learning really fast. Does that make sense??

These are things that I didn't realize I would need to teach BoyTwo. Help him with? Yes. Teach from scratch? No. Pretty much thought he would know what temperatures were and time and how they both relate to our beings.

He is very indiscriminate about who he approaches. He hugs random people in the grocery store. He hugs all adults at his school when they say hi to him. Basically, if the person looks nice and happens to glance at him, he tries to hug them. Last week at the basketball game, he was climbing all over and hanging onto the legs of a man he just met. Our friend told us it was okay, meaning to be friendly and nice and accepting of his behaviors. What I wanted to say was that it was not okay. It is not appropriate for an almost eight year old to approach people he does not know and climb on them as if they were bear cubs. Instead I just made him come over to me (which he did, he knows I mean business).

He also likes to tell other people that he wants them to be his new mom or dad. This one doesn't hurt my feelings because I don't really care what he wants, it's not going to change anything. It's like when your two year old tells you that they don't love you because you won't let them have ice cream for dinner. Same concept. What it does do to me is make me realize how RAD he is. How delayed he is.

I've said before, but it is such a challenge to parent these different ages. He is just barely starting to remember how old he is (we practice every morning and night) and his birthday is around the corner and he will have to learn a new number. When I tell him to put his shoes on before he goes outside in the snow, he tantrums. He is ticked because he doesn't like that we've told him what to do. He is ticked because he doesn't understand or remember what cold feels like. He is ticked because I am telling him what to do, but I don't have to tell any of the other kids. He doesn't recognize that they already have their coats and shoes and gloves on. All he sees is that we are telling him to do something.

At church Sunday, his brother was trying to make him do a simple word search and was getting really mad because he couldn't do it. I saw what was happening pretty quick and stopped it. BoyOne was mad that he couldn't look at the letter 'A' and find it again in the midst of a bunch of other letters.

I am feeling more connected with him. I started doing this thing where I take a few minutes each day and we talk about what he is good at and what he has learned in America. He usually says skiing and I add several other things. It's good for me to have to find those good things about him. It's good for me to have to tell them to him. It's good for him to hear it, too.

As with any experience in life, life goes on and it, in retrospect, gets better. You can't look at it by the day or even the week sometimes (and occasionally not by the month either:)), but overall things progress and it's all good. It feels like each day has been a challenge and sometimes that makes me feel like things aren't going well or smoothly. I start thinking that I'm not doing a good job with all these kids as their mom, that I'm failing. (don't lie, we all feel like this sometimes. at least I hope I'm not the only one!)

Then I take myself back to that awesome apartment in Ukraine where my translator and facilitator were freaking out that my fourteen year old son had ran away, where I was seething mad and absolutely fine with the idea of him staying in Ukraine, where I was beginning to discover that BoyTwo was unable to dress himself, along with other simple tasks and literally swore every other word, where we're at right now looks pretty freakin' awesome!

School Testing Updates

Let's update BoyTwo first because let's face it, he's always exciting:) We had paperwork done through the school to show if he has any tendencies toward certain behaviors (ADHD) because I know that if/when we go to a doctor, they'll want to see these results, or if they haven't been done, they will ask for them to be done. Surprise!!! BoyTwo tested '99% likely to have ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder)'. Shocking, I know. Didn't really need a piece of paper to tell me this, but like I said before, the doctor will want to see it. Although observing him for five minutes should suffice.

I also found out via BoyTwo bragging (hasn't figured out yet to NOT tell me these things, I'm grateful for this) that he is refusing to do any school work for his aides unless they give him candy or other treats. I call this the reverse dog training. He has trained them to do what he wants instead of the other way around. Needless to say I have been attending his aide time with him the past couple of weeks. I was already planning to do this as I have busted him in the halls waaaaaay too many times when he was supposed to be with his aides but instead was running all over the school and hiding from them. I was appalled the first day when I walked with him into his little classroom and he walked over to a tupperware full of treats and sat his sassy little butt down at the table and ripped that thing open and started chowing down on jelly beans and gummy worms like he had just won the freaking lottery while his aide patiently waited for him to 'be ready.' Um, no.

I'm suuuuuure you can picture what happened next.

1) treats were removed by me from the classroom,

2) BoyTwo apologized to aide(s) for being rude and disrespectful,

3) he sat down and did his work 'the best they've ever seen him do'.

All I have to do is sit there. If he even blinks his long, pretty eyelashes at the wrong nanosecond I just raise my left eyebrow and he stops. So, I guess that's progress, right?

If you are thinking that the aides allowed him to get away with way too much, let me defend them for a minute. These are the nicest women who truly care about this little kid. They have received minimal training for what they do. This is the child from hell to deal with and by bribing him with candy/treats he would sort of cooperate. One of his aides he has been working with for about a month had never even been able to get through a lesson even once. I was wondering why this was the first I was hearing about this, but I think that the school feels like if they are taking care of things it's all good and they already call me all the time as it is... I did tell them I want to know stat, but I so appreciate all that they do. I do NOT feel that it is their responsibility to continuously deal with his poor behavior. A little bit, yes. No child is perfect, but when he is so disruptive that he is not making it through a single lesson in a month?! Not acceptable. Time for Hitler, I mean me, to come to class with little buddy.

Moving on to Three. The school did their testing on her to see if she qualified for special ed intervention/services because she is not progressing. In fact, her test scores indicated that she was going backwards instead of forwards and at home I noticed this as well. The child cannot read. Cannot do it. It was easy to get her qualified for testing.

We met this past week as an IEP team to discuss her test results. She will receive speech therapy at school to help her with her receptive and expressive language skills. Basically they help her with using words to express her thoughts. (i.e. tell me about a truck? it drives is about all she can come up with. She cannot find the words to say things like it has wheels, doors, an engine, a key to start it, etc. Bad example, but hopefully you get what I mean. There's a lot of ummmm's and I don't know's, poor kid.) As a side bonus, they will also help her with pronouncing her 'R's. Next, we moved on to the academic test results.

Her IQ was average and she tested in the top 3% for math and in the top 25% for reading and therefore does not qualify for special services at this time.

WHAT?!

I may have asked for clarification that we were looking at the test results for Three and not another child. Don't get me wrong. I am glad that she is testing so well. I am baffled that she cannot read or do math to save her little life in any other setting.

So, I told the special ed teacher that I would please like to see all of the testing Three had completed because I did not think that this was at all possible. The principal asked the teacher if she felt the same way (we must have had the same look on our faces) and she said that she was quite surprised. Special ed teacher got out the testing. Three had done 18 math problems in three minutes, a mixture of addition and subtraction, and only missed 3. I asked if there was any way she could have been cheating. She assured me there was not. Same with reading. So, being the prepared parent I am, and the teacher being equally as prepared, we whipped out our data that we had been collecting the past couple of months. Incomplete work at all times. Like severely incomplete. Like three things out of twenty. Not a thing that she brings home is ever finished. When we do homework, same struggles. It takes an hour to write her spelling words (ten of them) three times each and do fifteen math problems.

What she is doing at home and in school do not match in any way shape or form to what she tested. The principal even said that in his x amount of years principal-ing and also teaching, he hadn't seen such contradicting data before. He approved one on one tutoring with the reading coach and an aide for math each day on the spot. How many principals do you know that would do that?! I was really surprised! And very grateful. We are guessing that the different setting and the one on one approach that she had during testing helped her to focus and took the anxiety and distractions away from her? Who really knows. Another theory I have is that now we are dairy free (with the exception of us making exceptions rarely, lol) her body is finally feeling well enough for her mind to be at school? Seriously, I have no idea how this is possible. I had her read to me the other day (I took a break from her reading to me and all other homework two weeks ago during the testing because I knew she was stressed and overwhelmed) and I about passed out. She read a book. It was a beginning kindergarten book, I had to help her, and she struggled through it, but she was sounding out words and not mixing stuff up as much as she usually does. I sent the book back to school and told the teacher to have her read it to her as well. It was a huge improvement. Anyhow, all that to say we don't know anything! I'm okay though, because the school is still doing a lot to try to help her. Were it not so, I don't think I'd be so chill about it all.

I was also advised by the special ed teacher to not make Three do her homework or read. When I asked for clarification on this, we further determined that she will only have three spelling words a week and only needs to do a minimal amount of math. As for reading? Evidently if I tell her every word she struggles with, this will help her the most. Really? (I said this) because that means that I will be telling her every word. But, I'm willing to try this. For a short time. I honestly do not see how not having her try to read will benefit her. But, I'll try it and be the first to tell you if it works. Promise.