SAC Concert

Monday was a long day. As Mondays usually are.

This particular Monday was the "one week left" mark for the boys. I was feeling all sorts of panicky thinking of them leaving. The girls went to school in the morning. I picked them up early. The plan was to go into town to a ski shop and have us fitted for skiis. Next, we needed to be in Sandy by 4:30 for a dress rehearsal for a benefit concert that SAC was having. This concert is a big deal as it is the primary fundraiser for these hosting trips. At 6:00 we were going to to leave the concert, take Three and Four to my sister's house and jet back to the concert. Sounds easy enough, right?

I knew the boys, BoyOne in particular, was not going to be happy about this concert thing. I knew that if he would give it half a chance he would enjoy himself. This is the constant problem. It is SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!! He is defiant and does not want to go anywhere. When we finally get to wherever it is, he is mad. When it is nearing time to leave, he finally begins to have a good time. This behavior is typical of many children of many ages in many circumstances. It is just hard when there is this GREAT BIG HUGE language barrier.

I decide early in the day to prep BoyOne on the concert. I tell him via computer translation that we have a concert to attend. This concert earns money that pays for his vacation here. I know he does not want to go, but we have to. All of his friends will be there. I believe he will actually enjoy it. He moans and groans a little and that is it. Relief floods over me.

Now, we're off to pick up the girls. In hindsight I should have skipped this next event. I didn't really have an option though due to other events going on and a time frame that had to be met. I took all six kids with me to the ski shop to be fitted for skiis. This started out just fine. When we were getting ready to be done, BoyOne starts to get upset. I need to explain that I had already told him what we were doing and that we wished he would be here this winter to ski with us. Maybe next year. Back to real time. He is getting upset and I'm trying to find out why. He is not wanting to talk to me or look at me. I personally think he is upset because he is thinking about how he has to go back to Ukraine soon and we get to stay here in our free country eating doughnuts and snow skiing. It really would have been better if I had not brought them along, for their sakes. I felt really bad. I really do wish they could just be part of our family and ski with us.

Now we're in the car headed to pick up huz and go to the concert. BoyOne is bugged that we have to pick up huz, but at the same time glad to see him. He doesn't want to give up his shot gun seat to me, and not willing to risk ticking him off, I voluntarily take the back seat. Not the middle back, but the very back seat of the suburban. The one that has shortened leg space. We ride all the way from I-89 in Layton to Sandy with my knees touching my chin. I'm also leaning forward holding hands with Three and Four. Good gravy.

We get to the concert. We sit around for a really long time waiting for our rehearsal turn. Now, I understand that this is how dress rehearsals go. Each number has to practice and get their sound system worked out. Problem is BoyOne has probably never been to a concert, let alone a dress rehearsal and most other people did not show up until well after we did. He launches a personal attack against me. An attack of silence, glares and occasional Russian that sounds accusing. I apologize. I tell him we were here when we were supposed to be. I tell him I didn't know everyone else was going to be late. Could he just hang out with his friends as they arrive and as we wait our turn?

Finally, our turn to rehearse. We are to stand as families. He will not stand with us. Because he won't, neither will his copy cat brother. We finally get them to come by us and BoyTwo freaks out. We are talking biting, kicking, hitting and spitting. Mixed in with some colorful Russian. I haul him out. I try to calm him down. No go. I see some kids enter the building and I recognize them as being adopted from Ukraine in previous years (I have turned into a blog stalker, embarrassing). I call out to them, asking (begging, really) for help translating. They come over and try to talk to BoyTwo. I have NO idea what is being said but I can see the frustration in BoyTwo's little face. He is trying so hard not to cry, to be tough. And that makes me start to cry. I reach over to touch his shoulder and he gives me this horrible look of hate, which makes me really sad. The night is now in disaster mode.

After more biting, hitting, and kicking from BoyTwo and more being ignored from BoyOne (I'm not expecting him to be my BFF or anything, a simple acknowledgement of my existence will do), I am beginning to seriously doubt myself. What was I thinking?! Really?!!!

I pass one of the Chaperone's, not the one that stayed with us, and ask her to translate for me. I ask her to tell BoyTwo the following:

No hitting.

No kicking.

No biting.

No yelling.

No running away.

Say sorry to me.

He mocks me, but ends up saying "sorly" and agrees to not do the above. On to BoyOne. I ask her to tell him he needs to stay near us. He needs to cooperate. He needs to participate in this concert. This concert pays for his vacation. He needs to be respectful. I know he does not want to be here, but he must, at the request of the program.

They engage in a conversation. I know more is being said than what was originally planned. I ask what is going on. I am told that he thinks we are not a good family. We make him do things he does not want to do. We will not take him to the activities. When we go, we are late. At this point I am about to lose it. Because remember who is making us late with his emotional-ness????? Remember how much we want him and want him to be here? My feelings are hurt and I am offended that he would tell his leaders that we are a bad family.

And then one of my friends from my old neighborhood shows up for the concert. Here I am telling her how awesome this is, singing praises for adoption and all these kids and she finds me sitting on stairs crying. Nice. Another SAC friend comes over to me and offers a listening ear. My husband is gone (taking Three and Four to my sis's) and I have no idea where my Ukrainian boys are, and my girls are upset because they want to go to the concert.

Huz finally gets back and I tell him I just want to leave. He is surprised to see me this upset because it takes a lot to get me like this. We go to find the boys and as we round the corner, the Ukrainian director of this program is coming around the corner the opposite direction with BoyOne. Apparently she found him and heard what was going on and had a little talk with him.

She starts to tell me that he just doesn't want to be here (concert). Because of his past he doesn't properly express himself. He doesn't understand that I am upset because I care. He just thinks that I am one more bossy woman telling him what to do. I have already thought these things. I tell her that as much as I really love having them at my house, maybe they don't want us. Maybe they should go to another family so that they will enjoy their visit. She tells me no, that is not the problem. She tells me that she asked him if anyone had ever told him he was smart. He said no. She told him that we said he was smart. She asked him if anyone had ever said nice things about him. He said no. She said we said lots of nice things about him. She told him that mom (me) is crying because she loves you. He is surprised. She asks him if he knows what it means to have a family. He says he does. She tells him this is his chance. He needs to show us with his actions because he does not know the words or the feelings. I am still not convinced that he does not hate us.

We go to the last half of the concert. BoyOne is on his best behavior. BoyTwo is a regular 6 year old boy. We stay until it is almost over and then we have to leave to pick up the other kids and drive 1 1/2 hours home. What a night. I cry the whole drive.

p.s. the actual concert was great

Not a sunny day

Not a sunny Sunday, and we're not talking weather.

Judas. Church was slightly easier this week. I didn't even attempt to have him dress in Sunday clothing. I am a little bit bugged though because I know most of the other host families have taken the children they are hosting to church in appropriate church attire and have not had the conflict that we have had. Whatever. We got there.

At home we had another lovely (no, I'm not being sarcastic) lunch. And then, because I am getting pretty sick (of course. could there be any better time?) I tried to lay down. hahaha.

So, I just got up and started getting dinner ready. My sister with the silver hair and her husband were coming up for dinner and to meet the boys I had been raving about. Way. to. jinx. it. So, they came, my sis and I stayed in the house and chatted while we watched the husbands and all the kids play outside. And, as it often does when dads are involved, the playing got a little crazy. This itself is not the problem. The problem is that the children have a difficult time unwinding and often lose control and a whole new set of problems arise. This is what happened. BoyOne was super hyper. The out of control kind. Huz finally led him upstairs to his room and told him to calm down. Or at least he tried to. Huz rarely gets upset with the kids. It sometimes bugs me because I end up having to be the disciplinarian ALL THE TIME. (For any Modern Family watchers, I've started calling him Phil when this happens. i.e. the episode where Phil promises his children a new computer, a chicken pot pie and a car if they "unplug" for a week) Anyhow, so if dad ever gets mad, and his mad is really just a disappointed look, the kids are devastated. Devastated. And BoyOne was just that. I had to sit upstairs with him for two hours trying to console him. I think his heart broke. I felt bad for him. There's finally a father figure in his life and he feels like he just got in trouble. Poor kid. Finally, I convince him to come eat dinner with me (everyone else is long done by now). I'm hoping that he'll get over this quick. It seems like once he is downstairs he does.

Later, while we're watching t.v. as a group BoyOne comes up to me and says, "Thank you mama" and kisses my cheek. This is huge.

Halloween

Happy Halloween!!

Today started with a soccer game. Two's last one 'til spring. I must say, as much as I love soccer, I am glad for this season to be over. Here in the mountains it is c.o.l.d. And honestly, at this age these kids were ready to be done about three games ago. Still fun though.

After soccer we began to get ready to go trick or treating. We had decided to go to our old neighborhood. We know everyone in every house there and felt that it would be safer (as in if some Ukrainian child happened to get lost) and easier (as in the houses are all occupied and closer together). Also, this neighborhood has a fabulous tradition of gathering beforehand for dinner. Each year a picture of the kids is taken and it is fun to compare the size of the group and the height. Thanks so much to the same neighbor for hosting year, after year, after year...

I have learned these past few days that if we want to be anywhere at a reasonable time I have to start prepping the boys about 3 hours before. So at like noon we started getting costumes ready. Go me! BoyOne decided, after everyone was already in the car, he wanted his face painted like a skeleton to go along with his pirate costume. Fine, I thought. Like Pirates of the Caribbean which I'm guessing he has never seen. There was even a picture of how he wanted it done on the package the paints came in. So, about halfway through, and 10 minutes into it, he changes his mind. AUGH!! He just wants dark eyes. Whatever. Just wipe it off and get in the car. This is seriously way more girly than I ever imagined a boy would be. Good grief. In his defense, this is probably going to be his one and only Halloween ever and I'm sure he wants it to be perfect.

We finally get back to the old hood. He changes his mind even more and wants ALL the paint off. So, instead of eating, I'm inside wiping paint off that I just painted. Whatever...

It is now time to trick or treat. It is raining and cold. Know what? They didn't even care. We were supposed to have split up, me with the littles and huz with the bigs. Somehow, we kept overlapping and I felt like I was struggling to keep track of everyone instead. So, at the end of our street I took Four and BoyTwo and Huz took the older four kids. That lasted about 15 houses and then we all were together. At the end, I took the youngest four to my neighbor's house with her kids (who we were trick or treating with) and huz, One and BoyOne kept going.

It was a successful night. The kids made out like bandits, and so did we. One does not like caramel, nuts or most chocolate. WHO'S KID IS SHE??? So we score all the unwanteds from her. The boys had a great time and were well mannered, saying thank you at each house. In the beginning BoyTwo was trying to eat each piece of candy between houses but quickly figured out that this was going to be an all night thing. He still ate a ton of candy.

It's all good, everybody had a great time, we were so glad to see old friends and we all got lots of candy and went home with tired kids. Great day.

A Million Kisses

I am lucky enough to be hosting one of the younger Ukrainians. Lucky because I get to sit with him each night as he falls asleep and he doesn't think it's weird. I trace his sweet little face with my finger and listen to his breathing become steady so that I know that he is sleeping. As I trace his face, I try to do it so softly and slowly so that it will last him, if necessary, a life time. I try to memorize his little features so that, if necessary, it will last me a life time. And then, when I am sure he is sleeping, I kiss his cheeks a million times. He is so little and it breaks my heart to think that his little cheeks probably weren't kissed very often, that they are rarely kissed now, and that they may never be kissed again. I also do it for me. Because I may never get to kiss those little cheeks again. And that would be a real tragedy.

In case you're wondering, I do give him kisses while he is awake, but we all know how special it is to kiss a sleeping child.

Friday

Wow. Friday was busy.

We started by getting everyone bathed and ready for the day. Preparations included packing everyone's Halloween costumes. It went fairly smoothly until BoyOne's fake bloody sword was broken. He and BoyTwo had been sword fighting and it was just too much action for that fake bloody sword. BoyOne was, to put it mildly, devastated. These are the times when their emotional age shines through and is very easily several years younger than their actual age. I really did feel bad for him. I mean it's his first Halloween ever and he was so excited.

We had to haul into SLC for dentist appointments at donated dental. BoyOne has some chipped teeth but I hadn't looked in his mouth to see if there were any obvious cavities. BoyTwo, however had at least 4 that I could easily see. By the time we got to donated dental for our 11 o'clock appointment, they were very behind schedule. I had all 6 kids with me. I had hoped to drop off the girls with a sitter but I was worried about time frame for the rest of the day so I ended up taking them with me. We were supposed to have an appointment with a Facilitator to get specific information about the boys entrance into the orphanage. This meeting was to be at 1. Fortunately Facilitator was held up in another appointment. We didn't even get into the dentist until 1. Yes ma'am. That is 2 HOURS later than our scheduled time!!!!!!! With 6 kids!!!!!!!

By the time we had our appointments the dentists were done giving fillings as they had already done so many and were so far behind schedule. This was very sad for me. BoyTwo has 6 cavities. They are all in baby teeth but 4 of them are really bad and are in molars that won't come out for a long time. I know that they hurt him:( And, as you all know, dental work without insurance is kinda pricey. BoyOne was scared to death. I held one of his hands and Three held his other hand. In the end, we were told that his teeth were great. Good news. BoyTwo was not at all nervous. He really is quite the character. Always making us laugh.

After we were finished at the dentist, we headed back to huz's parents house. They live in between our house and where we needed to be for the night so they let us come crash at their house for our Facilitator appointment. This helped us a ton. We couldn't have driven back and forth three times-it would've been way too crazy.

Facilitator ended up coming to the appointment a little after 3. This was just fine. She is a native Ukrainian and speaks fluent English. It was wonderful to meet with her and find out a few details about the boys. We already had found out most of the information she gave us but it was nice to be able to confirm it. She visited with each of the boys, asked how they were enjoying their trip. She works a lot with orphaned children and knows what questions to ask and the kids seemed to be comfortable with her. We did find out that as of Friday the boys had not been cleared for international adoption. They are legally orphans but the government must have paperwork submitted for a period of one year after filing them as legal orphans and prior to legalizing them for adoption. We are hoping to find out in the next couple of days if they have been cleared and if not, when their year mark is.

After Facilitator left we hustled to get into our Halloween costumes to go to the SAC party. We got there late, as our appointment with Facilitator had been pushed back so far. Upon arrival BoyOne decided that he no longer liked his costume. He saw that most of his friends were wearing only a mask or a mask with a trench coat. BoyOne is VERY self-conscious and insecure so when he saw this he immediately wanted to go home. He told one translator that we had made him buy the costume he was wearing but that he didn't like it. That made me mad. I called him on it and that made him mad. As soon as it was time to leave BoyOne was finally starting to have a good time. This seems to be the trend with him. BoyTwo, fortunately, is more easy going in these social situations (I'm sure age has a lot to do with it) and had a great evening, as did our girls.

We grabbed some food on our way home and by the time we arrived home everyone was ready for bed! All in all I would say that it was a mostly successful night. On the down side, I am getting sick. I've been fighting it since Monday and each day I feel it getting a little bit worse. Nothing too terrible, bad head cold. Hopefully it doesn't go to my chest...

a little bird

Well, on Thursday the kids had a Halloween costume parade at school this morning. It was fun to go watch. It reminded me of my childhood. The boys were in awe as they watched all the kids in their costumes. They both decided they wanted to be pirates. We had one pirate costume that BoyTwo was going to use. We just needed one for BoyOne. I sent huz and BoyOne on a little shopping trip together that night. They had a lovely time. BoyOne was way excited to show me his costume when they got home. I have a great picture of him in it.

Thursday afternoon BoyOne went on a L O N G bike ride with my neighbor. I won't advertise where exactly they biked to, but take my word for it: it was far. He was in heaven. I know that when he had a family he was fortunate enough to have learned to do many things somewhere along the line, bike riding being one of them. He has told me that the orphanage does not have any bikes that he can ride. He misses doing that. Sad. So many things we take for granted.

BoyTwo is hilarious. He is always being a goofball, making us laugh, doing these funny little dances. Today he did something, I don't even remember what, and I told him no and he flipped me off. Apparently that is a universal sign that is learned and acceptable at a very young age in Ukraine orphanages! I spoke to another host parent the other day and asked how things were going. He said they were well but added that one of his Ukrainian visitors had flipped him off too. It was kind of funny. Surprising/funny. Anyhow, I had to have a little time out with him. Later on he flipped huz off too! And then on Sunday, he flipped off my brother in law. I remember when Two went through a phase where she was flipping people off. She had picked it up from somewhere at age 3 (yikes!!). Luckily, it didn't take long to break her of that habit.

We are still having fun, still enjoying this experience. It feels like they've been here for much longer than 5 days. I don't want to get to the halfway mark though because I know that time will go fast and they'll have to go home before I know it.

it's gone

Somehow, my contact case magically disappeared a couple of days ago. I have been keeping them in little medicine cups hidden behind a clock and lotions on my bathroom counter until I can get to the store and grab another. And this morning when I got up and went to put in my contacts, they were gone. BoyTwo had helped himself to a little drink.

Don't worry, I'm not going to look through his poop for them.

Good Times

Wednesday was a lovely day. My kiddos have early out on Wednesdays which, when we moved here I thought I would hate. I've ended up loving it. Who even knows why. Anyhow, SAC hosted a group bowling event. I was lucky enough to be able to attend this event with just the boys. It was great to be able to just worry about them and not be chasing everyone around. My awesome neighbor watched Three when she got out of school (seems like she's always watching my kids) and my awesome mother-in-law took Four.

On the way to bowling EVERY time we passed anything that remotely resembled Halloween they would shout out

"HALLOWEEN!! HALLOWEEN!!"

I think they're excited...

We were able to get to the bowling alley a little early which allowed the boys to eat some lunch before going in. Their choice? "Big Mahc and Coca-Cola." haha. We were the first ones in so bowling hadn't started yet. I got some tokens for them and the played some video race car game that they loved. These two love anything that appears to be car racing related. In fact, when we drive anywhere and I pass someone they cheer and say, "bye-bye" to the car we pass. If I get passed they say, "mommy!!" in this very disappointing tone.

When bowling started we went to the counter to get shoes and a lane. BoyOne and a couple of his friends wanted to bowl together. I showed them how to hold the ball and how to roll it down the lane. Anyone who has been bowling with me is probably laughing right now. Me? Teaching someone to bowl? It's like the blind leading the blind. I have yet to break 100. But my instruction worked out just fine and the boys had a fabulous time. Early on BoyTwo had a strike which set his expectations high for the rest of the day. Unfortunately he was disappointed with the rest of his game. Still, good times were had by all. It was great to see the way BoyOne and his friends all helped BoyTwo.

After a little talking to about how we need to feed the kids hot broth at least once a day so they will grow and a reminder to please keep an eye on them it was time for us to leave. Some of the other parents were buying their kids the crap they sell at bowling allies. Some of the kids had won tickets by playing video games. BoyOne wanted to buy the same crap. I told him no. He, of course, was not happy. I told him we were going to go rock climbing. He told me he didn't want to. Whatever. This morning he was way excited about it. He is reminding me of One. I'm not sure if it's the age/emotional stability or the way they come but they are a lot alike. We left anyway.

Once home we packed everyone back into the car and headed to the nicest climbing gym I have EVER been to. It's the Front in Ogden. It happened to be the day of an after school program. My lucky day. Well, let me tell you. BoyTwo did NOT understand the concept of taking turns, so after every turn I had to physically restrain him until it was his next turn. With six kids, two speaking a foreign language, we attracted quite a lot of attention. Fortunately we were fairly well received. And, thank heavens, I was extremely calm and patient. phew. Finally Huz showed up to rescue me with an assist. Now that there were two of us we could move away from the bouldering and actually harness ourselves and the kids and do some real climbing! They all had a great time. AND the area that we were in we had pretty much to ourselves, lucky for us and everyone else:) We took some great pictures that I'm not allowed to share and some video.

And the perfect ending to the perfect day? Everyone went straight to bed. Ahhh.

Tuesday

Tuesday started off as a wonderful day. BoyOne got ready for the day and asked to play on the computer. "gammas," as he calls the games he plays.

"Sure, da," I naively answered.

Fast forward to

4 HOURS LATER!!!!!!!!!!

I had asked, repeatedly, and nicely, for him to get off the computer. Seriously. How exciting can a video game be. Good grief. I was ready to throw the stinkin' computer out the dang window. I have never brought video games or the likes into my home for this very reason. Not so I wouldn't throw it through the window, but so I wouldn't be tempted.

Finally, I had to reclaim my title as mother and put my foot down and GET. HIM. OFF.

He was, to put it mildly, TICKED.

He wouldn't so much as even look at me. I had planned on taking all the kids rock climbing this afternoon, however that was not about to happen. I do not reward bad attitude. And, it made me mad too, because I love to climb and so do my kids! It was unfair to them, but it had to be done.

Later that evening he began speaking to me again, but v.e.r.y. sparingly. After dinner he went with Huz over to the church for a youth activity and some basketball. He came home happy as a clam and went right to bed. I've decided that the cure for teenage boy moodiness must be intense physical exertion. Ladies with teenage boys-am I right?! Is this the secret? My word.

Sadly, at this point I am seriously thinking there is no way he would want us for his family. He thinks I am so mean. Pretty sure there were some awesome Ukrainian potty words mixed in there. Maybe this language barrier is a good thing...

So. What do I do? Do I let him have a sweet, kick butt vacation of a life time, because chances are, he'll never have the likes of it again? Do I continue to provide a stable family environment, complete with structure and rules and take the chance that he'll hate me? This is really bugging me. It's reminding me of that old t.v. sitcom with Helen Hunt. She's a public relations specialist but she can't seem to get the new neighbors to like her and it is driving. her. crazy!! She pulls out all the stops and they could care less. That's how I'm feeling right now. (By the way-if anyone can remember the name of that show, please tell me. I can't remember!) I have spent many years as a youth leader and teacher, camp director, school volunteer and I have always been loved by these kids! What is the problem now?! And then, it dawns on me. In those situations, I wasn't worried about getting the kids to like me, I was there to do my job. Then, because I did so, they liked me. The friendship came after the adult role was completed. So, there was my answer. I am who I am. Take me or leave me.

But please, please, please take me....

More of Monday

Oh boy, I am all over the place! I forgot to include our Monday afternoon.

On Mondays I pick up the girls from school and we haul down to Kaysville for dance and gymnastics classes. A couple weeks ago I arranged with our gym's owner to let the boys participate in a gym class if they wanted. In the morning when I first told the boys they were excited and wanted to go right away. However, when we arrived, they changed their minds. The owner of the gym told us we could go use the trampolines if we wanted.

I led the boys across the floor to the tramp. At first they were hesitant to get onto the trampoline so I did what any mom would do: I set my purse down and did a back flip... and almost peed my pants. The boys were then excited. They began thumbs-upping me and started to jump. I stepped to the side when, to my horror, BoyOne launched himself into a back flip.

Holy crap! I had visions of broken necks, law suits, spending the rest of my life in some Ukrainian prison... But, he actually landed it! BoyTwo nailed his front flip. I tried to ask if they had been on a trampoline before via my awesome phone translator and they said no. That could have been lost in translation though. Really, quite amazing.

Also, we brought Chaperone to the gym where his next host family picked him up for a nice, low key (hopefully) vacation! It was great to have him in our home. The boys were sad to see him go and we got a great picture of the three of them.

BoyTwo

While BoyOne and Chaperone were playing billiards, I went outside with BoyTwo. He was riding One's scooter which is not a regular scooter. It's a little bit big for him. He rode down the driveway and then one wheel went off the driveway and into the grass. This made him "wreck." It wasn't a bad wreck, he kind of rolled over and didn't get up. I know that more than anything this little boy was frustrated. He tries so hard to keep up with the big kids. I walked over to him and put my hand on his back and said his name. He turned his cute brown eyes up to me and said, "Mama." Then he reached up for me and wrapped his arms around my neck and put his little head on my shoulder and let me carry him to the steps to comfort him.

The title Mama is not necessarily a term of endearment as all orphans call the women that interact with them Mama. The exciting part of this story is that he reached for me and allowed me to comfort him. During this stay if he has become upset for whatever reason a 6 yr old gets upset, he just tries to be little tough guy. Handling all of his little worries on his own. And this time he shared them! That's a pretty big deal, I think.

It makes me wonder how many times these kids get hurt or scared or don't feel well and they have to just take care of themselves, or keep it to themselves. The orphanages, I'm sure, help with and take care of major illnesses or injuries but what about all the little owies that just require a hug and kiss from mom? I've been praying with them before bed each night. When I tuck them in I say a prayer for them each. I'm hoping that maybe they'll decide to share all these things with God. Then at least they'll know they aren't all alone. Maybe it'll help them feel better to share their feelings and and not have to carry the weight of the world on their little shoulders. Who knows...

but do they want us?

SAC hosted a wonderful activity at the Bean Museum in Provo on Monday. However, due to the less than enthusiastic response we had from our boys for Sunday's outing, we opted not to attend. Their desire to stay home, coupled with the 2 hour drive we would have had to make, made that an easy decision.

We started the day by all of us sleeping in. Ahhh. After we woke up, I took the girlies to school. During the day I tried to help BoyTwo learn to ride a bike. BoyOne and I played ping pong. Actually that's a bit of an exaggeration. We hit the ball back and forth a few times. I am not good. He is. After a while he told me he was going to play with Chaperone. We also played pool. Billiards as they call them. It makes it sound so fancy.

While Chaperone and BoyOne were playing pool, I asked how BoyOne had learned all these games. I knew it wasn't from orphanage life. Chaperone and he had a conversation and then Chaperone clued me in after. BoyOne had a family until about 4 years ago. This I already knew but it made me sad to hear him talk about it. I found out about his mother and father and how he ended up in the orphanage.

Later that night I found a game on the computer for BoyOne to play. Then, Huz, BoyOne, and I played a Dominoes game. It was a good time.

In the beginning, when we first decided to host, I knew that in Ukraine the children got to decide if they wanted to be adopted. The decision is theirs. This is fair. I had even thought to myself that it wouldn't be surprising for some of these kids to not want to be adopted. I mean, think about it. They have friends that have become their family, they don't have anyone looking after them. In some cases their mother or father are still living and they may hope someday for a reconciliation. Most of the kids probably realize that life here would be better, but life here would also be very different. That's probably scary. The answer seems obvious to us, but what seems obvious to a teenager. And half the time whatever they think is so obvious is not quite right. You know?

So, after only two days with these sweet boys I am now wondering if they want us. We are a house full of primarily girls. I, like most moms, have expectations, rules and requirements for living at my home. We understand that rules provide for freedom and opportunity, but most teenagers don't. Not even the ones born and raised in a good family in the US. I heard Chaperone yesterday trying to explain to BoyOne about this. He told him that if there were no rules, the world would be broken. How do you convince someone of that? It reminds me of trying to explain to someone that the standards our church has set for its members aren't suffocating at all, but freeing. You either believe it or you don't. Sigh. For a couple hours I felt like I needed to try to sell myself. Try to get these boys to really love us and our lifestyle so that they would want to be with our family. Then I realized that all I can do is offer what we are. The rest is up to them. If it's meant to be, everything will fall into place. If not, we are better from having them in our lives and hopefully they will remember that someone cares about them. Even though we're really far away. I hope that in this short time with them I can help them understand that they are great. They can achieve great things. There are possibilities. There is hope. There are good people in the world who do good things. Not all families are the same. Family is good. And above all, life is good.

trick or treat

Sunday afternoon, after lunch and before the tennis court incident, BoyTwo went down into our basement and found the baskets we use to collect candy when we go trick or treating.

I taught him to say "Trick or Treat!"

It was so cute.

Then he grabbed his mask and ran out the front door. I ran after him and corralled him before he got to the neighbor's house. I had to carry him back to the house, kicking and screaming, and hold onto him while I typed a message to his brother to read to him.

BoyOne began to laugh when he realized what was happening, as did One and Two. I was already laughing. BoyOne rattled off in Ukrainian an explanation as to why BoyTwo could not trick or treat just yet.

"Uh-din, Doo-vah, Tre, Chi-tearee, Peeaht, Shest," he counted.

BoyTwo huffily began to sulk away as he appeared to understand. At the stairs however, instead of turning up he raced toward the front door again and it was a mad dash to catch him. We spent the next ten minutes blocking the doors, laughing the whole time. Very awesome One took the candy she had received from our ward trunk or treat the week before and organized an in-house trick or treat that seemed to appease BoyTwo.

It reminded me of when One was almost three. She found the trick or treat baskets in the basement and tried to go to the neighbor's house for candy. It's one of those things that most kids probably try, due to the fact they don't understand the concept of waiting for a particular holiday. It reminded me that these boys, while 13 and 6, are very much like a toddler sometimes even a baby. They haven't had the blessing of a family who has taught them from the time they are old enough to grab a fistful of hair (4 months) things like "be soft," "don't hit," "share," "help," and so on.

We gave BoyTwo some matchbox cars to play with the first night. He has picked his favorite 3 and will hide them on his person during the day and sleep on top of them at night. This is a method of survival-behavior learned from the orphanage. When there are so many kids around who want to play with the same toys and wear the same clothes, these kids have to keep ahold of things, hiding them usually, to ensure being able to play with or wear the thing the next day.

As I watch BoyTwo hide his silly bands in the couch cushions before taking a bath, I wish that I could make him understand that he doesn't need to hide things here. He doesn't need to worry about his things being taken. And then I wish I could just buy the whole orphanage their own silly bands. Seriously, they're so cheap.

I wish we could just bandage the whole world, wipe away the tears, make everything better. Imagine how hard it must be for God to watch all of this. I used to wonder where He was-how He could let these things happen. How He could exercise enough self control to allow us as a human race to wallow in our own self-induced misery. Then, while I was truly praying about this one night, 5 years ago, I got the answer. I had been researching an organization called Bridge of Love (look it up-it is awesome) that helps orphaned children in Romania. I was researching Romania and their orphan situation while I was holding my brand new baby. In a warm house with tons of food and blankets looking at pictures of other babies half a world away who would never be held, touched, loved, comforted, full, warm enough. I asked why He didn't intervene-where was He???? Please, could He help them?! And He answered this:

"I am here. I hold them. I comfort them. I touch them, love them, and keep them full enough to survive just one more day. And then I do it again. It is my chest they lay their head on at night. It is my spirit that preserves their peace. I hold them every day of their life. What no one else does, I have always done. Where no one else is, I have always been."

Introductions

This is a great story. I can't believe that I left it out.

So, at the airport, after a little while of families and children getting acquainted, this lady walks up to me and says with a Russian accent, "Are you his family?" and points to BoyTwo.

"Yes," I reply smiling.

And she says to me, dead serious, "He is naughty. Very, very naughty. Keep your eye on him."

And that is how I met Masha, one of the facilitators for the trip.

toilet

ummm....

so do all of my friends that have young boys clean the toilet like 4 times a day?!

seriously, how hard is it to point it into the great big hole?!

So...

So... Sunday was not the best day. It wasn't horrible or anything and it actually was about what I had expected with reading about other's experiences. A lot of the problem I believe was due to the language barrier and tiredness.

We had a mandatory meeting that we were supposed to be at Sunday night with the boys, chaperone, and our whole family. The meeting was doubling as an ice-cream social. I also need to add that I, too, received hugs from the boys the first morning, it was just more exciting that huz did too.

After the whole church incident we came home and had a lovely lunch which was enjoyed by all. We gave Chaperone some American medicine, American "sick" tea (what I call tea that we drink when we are sick), and an herbal pack for his face. Then we put him to bed where he stayed the rest of the day. Hopefully all the magic was helping and didn't just make him pass out.

The meeting was to start at 6 which meant we would need to leave by 5. At 4:30 I began to get everyone ready. When it was time to start getting kids in the car and start the whole "go pee before we get into the car" routine, BoyOne said he didn't want to go.

OK. Just realizing that I have to back up a bit. After lunch, Chaperone, Three, Four, and Huz all took naps. One, Two, and BoyOne decided to go on a bike ride in the rain. (it was light rain. and they promised to come home if the rain got heavier) As I was cleaning up, wishing I was napping, I had a feeling to go check on them. I grabbed my keys, ran out to the car and was just leaving when Two ran up the driveway.

"MOM!! ONE is stuck inside the tennis courts!"

The tennis courts are sometimes locked so One will climb over and open the door from the inside. Apparently this time the lock had been jammed and the door wouldn't open. Then it began to rain really hard. So, Two jumps in the car with me and BoyTwo and we jet down the hill. The whole time I'm thinking, just climb back over the fence.... Anyhow, we get there, I hike down the hill, in my church clothes, in the MUD and tell One to climb back over the fence. She says, "I don't want to." Hello. Then stay there and get wet. Natural consequences. Love it!! So I start hauling the bikes up the hill back to the car along with the umbrellas and tennis rackets. One finally decides to climb back over the fence and we all make it home. And we are each soaking wet. This is no exaggeration. I make everyone change into dry clothes and put all the wet, muddy stuff in the wash.

Now, back to where we were.

I am about done putting up with this crap for the day. Any of you that know me know that I am fairly laid back when it comes to housekeeping things. I don't even care if the kids jump on the furniture or roller blade or scooter inside the house. I always wanted to and sometimes did that stuff when I was a kid so it really doesn't bother me. However, I don't put up with any crap. When One was almost 3, she wouldn't put her toys away. I told her to pick up now or I'd throw them all away. She did not comply, away went all the toys. Ever since then I've learned that it is best to just follow through AND to not be quite so hasty in threats that I make...

I walk over to BoyOne, pull him off the couch and hand him his shoes and in Russian say "NOW." By the way, Russian is great when you mean business. It always sounds so harsh anyhow. He appears very frustrated and puts his shoes on. I think, "ha! Go me!"

Only I was wrong. Just because he put his shoes on didn't mean jack. At this point all of my biological daughters are in the car, they know the drill and even huz is out there waiting to go.

45 MINUTES later, Chaperone comes out of his room and again tries to reason with BoyOne. Chaperone at this point is not going to the meeting because he is too sick. He tells me that the boys are tired of driving down to SLC and just want to stay home. And honestly, I completely understand. Then, he tells me that BoyOne doesn't like the pants that I gave him to wear, he only wants to wear his jeans that are now in the dryer (from the earlier tennis court experience). And now I am totally annoyed. This is not a fashion show. He lives in a stinking orphanage! And he seriously cares that much about how he looks?!? I am starting to remember my brother being like this in his teen years. And now, I just want to stay home too. However, as a host family part of my responsibility is to be to certain meetings and this is one of them.

In desperation I call my awesome team captain. She advises to just bag it due to the time frame. She has hosted in the past and really understands the difficult balance you are trying to achieve of allowing these kids to have a once in a lifetime sweet vacation, while still trying to parent and allow them to catch a glimpse of what family life is like.

I tell huz to come inside and we decide to bag it. Then we bring in our kids who are all sobbing because they really wanted to go to the ice-cream social. Apparently this gets to the boys and while I'm using the bathroom evaluating the situation, they get into the car and in their broken English say to huz, "let's go."

Exasperating? Yeah. So then we decide to go to the meeting anyways because there were several business items that were supposed to be taken care of AND because huz's car was still at his parents house and we had to drive down to pick in up. (different story) Plus, we thought it would be nice to give our poor Chaperone some quiet time. Six kids are pretty loud...

I get into the car and as we begin to drive away, BoyOne from the back seat says,

"Sorry, Mama."

The First Hug...

And the first hug goes to....

HUZ!!!

from BoyOne!!!

I'm actually most excited to report that it was not me getting the first hug. Not because I didn't want it but because I had heard from other parents that sometimes these kids have a hard time accepting, bonding, acknowledging the father of the family. This is because many of them either haven't had a father, have had a bad experience with a father, and all are currently in an orphanage surrounded by women caretakers and they do not know what to think of a man. Glad this is not appearing to be an issue at the moment. Another bonus is that this hug was received the first morning!!! (insert Holbrook family cheer of "oh yeah, uh-huh, oh yeah, uh-huh)

Well, we left off Saturday night, really Sunday morning, with me on the short couch and BoyTwo in my spot on the hide-a-bed with the cat. So cute. Did you feel the warm fuzzies? Good.

Because shortly thereafter they were gone.

Sunday morning we got up and began to get everyone ready. Two and Huz left earlier than the rest of us because Huz had to teach and Two had to pray in church. We have 9 a.m. church. For a Holbrook this is a true test of faith. It doesn't matter when we go to bed, we just do NOT like to wake up. I readied the other girls and took them to church and then returned to get the boys ready. Now, I'm not smokin' crack or anything like that. I wasn't going to torture them through all of church. Just sacrament meeting. And this was because it was the primary program and the girls were all in it. Who doesn't like to listen to a bunch of kids sing/yell?! It's my favorite time of year!!

So I told the boys it was time to get ready for church. BoyOne said, "No, Mama." Why oh why is a child's first word ALWAYS no????????????

But he just seemed complain-y about it. And then I showed him his church clothes.

And then the s*^# hit the fan.

I guess it wasn't that terrible but I think I was more shocked than anything at the reaction. He started Nyet, Nyet-ing me (nyet is no in russian) And then he just went off and it was like in the original Parent Trap where the dad tells Susan that he's getting remarried and she flips out and starts yelling at him in French and he's like "what the...?" Well, that was me.

Thank heavens for the Chaperone who was staying with us. He still wasn't feeling well but came out of his room, ready for church and attempted to reason with the boys. Now, BoyTwo was simply copying BoyOne. He didn't know what he was supposed to be upset about. After lots and lots of back and forth in Russian, Chaperone tells me that BoyOne doesn't like the clothes. They are not stylish.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

I told chaperone to tell BoyOne to stop being so vain and that we were going to worship God, not to a fashion show. And, all the boys dress like that.

And I don't think that went over so well. Hmmm. More back and forth in Russian. At this point we are inching closer and closer to the time when we really NEED to be to church in order to see this program and my patience were wearing thin. This has now been going on for an hour, mind you. So I try to be mature about this and decide that I don't really care so much what he wears as I do about getting to church. I tell him fine, wear your pants....and I'm also thinking that he'll see that I was right when we get to church and everyone else is dressed nicely. He finally puts on his jeans and a sweater and with a scowl on his face gets in the car. Poor chaperone. I can't imagine being the go between for a stubborn orphan boy and an even more stubborn mother. I had even suggested that Chaperone skip church because he was not feeling well and he said, "No, I wish to go." So nice. And then he told me this:

"In Ukraine the television ads, propaganda, people there, they believe that other religions are bad. They teach them that christians sacrifice little children and EAT them!!"

Serious? SERIOUS?

As if it isn't enough to throw these kids in an orphanage without a decent shot at life, they teach them to not believe in God or Christ. My word. What are they thinking?!

Church ended up being just fine. The boys even liked when our girls had their parts and they pointed to them. Not to mention all the waving and sign language "I love yous" that were going on from the stand.

After church we returned home and I made our family favorite-french toast made with cinnamon burst bread from the Village Baker in West Jordan. Yep. I drive all the way out there for this bread. Best ever.

And, drumroll please, everybody liked it.

Phew.

Kind of Tired

When we arrived home that first night it was about 1:30 a.m. For the Ukrainians that is 10:30 a.m. So they weren't very tired. And even though we should have been, we weren't. Poor Chaperone wasn't feeling well at all so he went to bed first. I can't imagine being in a foreign country and not feeling well. You know how you just want your own bed and your own stuff? One, Two, Huz, and BoyTwo all went to bed at about 3 a.m. BoyOne and I stayed up until 5 a.m. I could've crashed before then but I wasn't about to leave BoyOne on his own, it being his first night here and all.

What did we do? Well, you name it, we probably did it. We toured the house, the yard, met the pets, played pool, danced, ate, laughed and tried to talk. AND don't forget the much needed bath!!! While they were bathing I stole their clothes and threw them into the wash.

Wouldn't you know, the next morning Three and Four who had not come to the airport were up at eight ready to meet the boys! Groan. I wouldn't let them wake them up until 10. We were advised that they may stay up late but not to let them sleep in too long so that they could begin to get acclimated to the time change.

Two had a soccer game. While she was at that, I got everyone ready for the day, fed them and packed us up for a swimming activity planned by SAC. We had SO MUCH FUN!! The boys were wild! Just like our girls. Huz and I kind of split the group up. He kept track of whomever he was holding (usually Four) and I chased after the other FIVE.

Once again, we were super impressed with the way BoyOne took care of BoyTwo. These guys aren't afraid to try anything. If they think it up, they do it. They don't have a parent warning them to be careful or to not do something because it is dangerous. That being said, as 6 year-old BoyTwo launched himself off the side of the shallow end of the pool to attempt a back flip!! we tried to catch him mid-air. No luck. He back flopped into the water. OW! btw-a back flop is like a belly flop, only on the back. But, BoyTwo didn't skip a beat. All smiles, he just kept going! One, Two, BoyOne, and BoyTwo formed a human chain and went down the slide together.

Afterwards, we ended up staying at the rec center playing basketball for a while. Lots of fun. We finally started for home and about SLC we decided we were pretty hungry. The Ukrainians wanted "fried potatoes and coca-cola." haha. We took them to Crown Burger. Daring of us to go to such a nice restaurant, I know. My sister and her husband met us there. I failed to mention that the afternoon that we were supposed to pick up the boys this same sister called me and offered to meet us at the airport to take pictures of the arrival so that I could be in the pictures! Isn't that so thoughtful?!

On the drive home the two boys fell asleep leaning on each others shoulders. I have that picture on my phone. It just might be my favorite so far. Once home, BoyTwo stayed asleep and our daughters were asleep shortly after that. Sweet! I thought. Bed time. Just as I was tucking myself in for a long winters nap, who should appear but... BoyTwo. Wow. He is stinkin cute! We played for a while, then I tried to get him back to sleep by tickling his face (this worked the night before). He faked asleep. I could tell he wasn't asleep but thought that maybe he wanted me to leave him alone and couldn't tell me, so I left. Went downstairs to do some laundry. When I came out of the laundry room BoyTwo was sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I picked up the cat, Onyx, (feel like I can share that name) and sat down next to him. He sat there petting the cat and jabbering away as if we were old friends and I could understand him. I wished I could. Then I made a little bed for him on the short couch, as we call it, and was about to lay down on the hide a bed next to huz. Then I saw the cat laying in my spot and I knew how much BoyTwo wanted to hold that cat. So at about 4 a.m. I tucked him in next to huz with Onyx in his arms and I took the short couch. That was another cute picture. BoyTwo and Onyx, not me on the short couch...

Getting Them Here

So, part of the preparations included moving all four of our daughters into one bedroom. Not really a big deal. They were pretty excited about it and I must say, it’s fun to see them all in there together asleep at night. Or giggling together, which is more accurate. Or fighting, which is probably even more accurate. Shocker, I know. I cleaned out the closet and the dressers so that the boys could use them. I even had two old green comforters from when Iwas a teenager that I put on the beds to make the room look more boyish. (see, huz, I knew I would need them some day)

One of the families that is also hosting two boys has eight children of their own already. No, that’s no typo. They are super awesome. Anyhow. She gave me clothes that her boys had outgrown and then I bought a few other things for them (go Target!!) like socks, underwear, toothbrushes, combs, soap, shampoo, deodorant.

And then I tried not to get too excited. I did not want to think about it all the time in case this experience was a total bust. I did a ton of reading (blog stalking) and have found out all that I could about international adoption in Ukraine, the process before AND after.

I didn’t even start to freak out until the night they were to arrive at 10:30 and it was 8 p.m. and I hadn’t showered yet. sigh. I shouldn’t have worried about the shower. My two days without was nothing compared to their week without plus plane travel!

I hired the one of the best babysitters in Eden, again not naming names due to paranoia. She helped me finish cleaning, took care of my kids and even made a welcome sign in Russian to hang in my house. She really rocks. Call me for her phone number.

At the airport we hung out at the back of the group waiting for our team leader. SAC is pretty good at this airport thing. They’ve done it enough that it’s down to a science. The hosting families are broken into 4 groups this year. We are in the blue group. Our leader is the best. Everyone in the blue group is hosting kids from the same orphanage. Smart. Most of these kids in our group will know each other. Comfort for them.

Blue group leader shows up with a bunch of blue balloons. Every host family is given one balloon for every orphan they are hosting, which means we get two. Then we sit around and wait for a while. Later on, I saw myself on the news. I looked pregnant. For those of you who saw the news, no I am not expecting but I probably won't ever wear that shirt again. Anyhow, they bring the first group down and everyone is cheering and happy and then One says, “I see BoyOne!!!” And we are not toward the front at all but everybody sees that we are a blue balloon family and pushes us up front. (this is starting to sound like a dr. seuss book) I see the lady from the foundation looking for us and I get her attention and she brings the boys over. Oh. My. Heck. They are the cutest boys I’ve ever seen. And that’s when they were dirty!! I kneel down and in Russian (I am so proud of myself, thanks to my awesome neighbor who taught me!!) introduce myself and my family. Oh yeah- we only brought One and Two. I've flown with my four kids often enough that I know little kids are usually train wrecks after hour five. And these kids are going on hour 24. In a different country. And lots of them had been airsick. I didn’t want to have to deal with too many emotional wrecks (Three-I'll have to delete that when she is old enough to read). It worked out really well. We stepped back out of the way after someone fluent in Russian talked to the boys for about 30 seconds. BoyTwo was smiling. BoyOne wouldn’t make eye contact. Which was fine. I’m pretty sure we all seemed a little nutso, jabbering in our native tongue, holding balloons and smiling and staring like we were at the zoo or something. And that’s when BoyOne looked at me and introduced me to his friend. Pretty awesome. Then huz pulled out the iphone and we were instant rock stars. Man I love that guy. He’s brilliant. And SAC is also brilliant. That balloon thing was a HUGE hit for BoyTwo. And since the game he was playing involved letting go of the balloons (somehow we ended up with four) and letting them float to the ceiling, BoyOne and his friends would all jump! and try to get them down for him just so he could do it over and over and over. This game sounding familiar to all the parents our there? We were also lucky enough to have one of the four chaperones stay with us in our home for three days. He spoke English pretty well and acted as a translator for us. He also didn’t feel well, poor guy.

As we were getting ready to leave the airport, BoyTwo got a bloody nose (doesn't take long for that dry Utah air to kick in). It took a while to stop, and then we had to clean him up. Then Two had to go to the bathroom. Then One decided to go too. Then BoyTwo needed to go. And then we ran into someone huz knows and THEN we left the airport.

Because I swore I would never own a vehicle with a tv in it, I do. We watched Tom and Jerry all the way home. I hate cartoons. This is a great one though, because they hardly ever speak in the cartoon. It was so fun to hear their little giggles. I guess cartoons are international.

Because I have flown so many times with my kids to see my parents, I have learned a great trick from my mom. She always brings bottled waters and fruit with her to the airport because she knows that we’ll need it. So, I copied her and was well equipped with bananas (a Ukrainian favorite) and bottled water. And guess what, we needed it!!

Bananas were gone that night.

It was so fun to see their beautiful faces. They are truly wonderful children. I was so impressed and even moved to see how caring BoyOne was toward BoyTwo. We had been warned that they may not know each other very well. You see, in an orphanage it doesn’t matter if you have a sibling or not. You are simply placed and kept with members of the same sex that are your age. As the boys had been in the orphanage for about four years, that meant that the younger one was only two when they went there, which probably meant they didn’t know each other. wrong! really, seeing BoyOne be so motherly to BoyTwo was probably one of the sweetest things I’ll ever witness. Thanks for that tender mercy.

Really?

So, I'm just wondering if maybe the orphanage director wanted to send her own children on a really sweet vacation and snuck in the two kids I'm hosting. I do realize that we're in what could be referred to as the "honeymoon" period. And honestly, what can go wrong in a day and a half?

BoyOne is SO smart. And seriously the best big brother I could imagine. As I had mentioned before, although the boys are biological brothers, they are kept in separate quarters because of their age difference. Sad, I know. Every parent's nightmare to have their children split up if something were to happen to them. But hey, they see each other sometimes in the play yard.

BoyOne can speak, read, and write Russian and Ukrainian. And, he has been studying English at the orphanage. He can count, he knows the alphabet and can read-just doesn't know what he is saying. The kid is the best 13 year old ping pong player we've ever seen. He can play pool, billiards as he calls it, basketball, football and is, according to our 13 year old neighbor boy "professional" at soccer. He is a little bit of a girl when it comes to his looks. I thought boys would just grab whatever was laying on the floor and put it on and be done with it. Not this guy. He's politely picky about the clothes that we have for him which means he is fine with wearing the same outfit the entire time he is here-which is probably what he does in the orphanage. Don't worry, I'm the mom and I made him change. He even rolled his eyes which I love. I was/am an eye roller and always got in trouble for it, so I love to see it now. I think I roll my eyes about 100 times a day...

Anyway, you can see why I'm thinking maybe they were snuck into the trip.

But then BoyOne told me that he had been with a family until four years ago. That's why he knows so many things. I want to ask a million questions. But I don't. Not just because of the language barrier, but out of respect for this 13 year olds life. A life that has had as many things happen in it as some that are aged.