The Happiest Place on Earth, part 2

The kids eventually settled with the idea that we were meeting up with Huz in Vegas, which we were, but that was not to be the end of the trip.  But first, I have to back waaaaay up.  

We made it about 45 minutes before I heard, 

'Moooom?  I have to go to the bathroom.'

Four.  She has a bladder the size of a peanut.

I decided that I would stop at a Tar.get store and there we would ALL use the bathroom, I would let each kid choose a snack for the car and we would pick up a small first aid kid to carry with us in the backpack as we walked all over 'the happiest place on earth.'

That evening we stopped in St. George to visit my sister.  I love St. George.  It is so beautiful!  We met my sister at her house and decided we would take the kids to the red rock park she had shown us when I took the girls down last spring.  Right about then, BoyTwo (who was in trouble for climbing on furniture and getting into other people's things) jumped off the couch and did a forward roll over the coffee table.  Out of his pocket rolled a small can of spray deodorant.

'BoyTwo.  Where you get this.  You stole this?'  BoyOne began the interrogation.

BoyTwo denied, so I took over.

'You stole this from Tar.get earlier today.  Now you will not be able to participate in climbing rocks.'

'So you do stole this?!'  BoyOne yells at him.

BoyTwo nods in affirmation.  I've learned that generally you do not ask BoyTwo yes or no questions.  If I tell him not to hit and he hits, you don't say to him, 'Did I tell you not to hit?'  You say, 'What have you been taught' or 'what have we asked you' or 'what are you supposed to do.'  The yes/no thing makes it too easy for him to lie.  It's so weird.  The other way, it's like he isn't usually quick enough to come up with a lie, so he just admits the truth.  Except for when he fakes a seizure.  

'Why you stole this?!' asked BoyOne, a question that I have stopped asking because the answer is always. the. same.  No matter what he does.  If he hits, lies, steals, destroys, cheats, hurts, breaks, etc.  

'Because I want.'  he says with a simple shrug of his shoulders.

GAH!!!!!!!!!  

I was pretty mad.  Livid.  At him and at me.  BoyTwo has not been in a store since he first arrived.  With kids like BoyTwo who cannot control their impulses, learn from experience, or comprehend reason, it is best to simple not allow them the opportunity to make these mistakes/bad decisions.  He cannot stop stealing (aka 'ownership issues'), he does not go to others' homes or stores or stay for lunch at school (yes, he actually takes food off other kids' plates as fast as he can and shoves it into his mouth).  He's had a difficult time with stealing from other kids at school this year, too, which puts me at a crossroads.  Do I keep him in school?  Do I pull him out completely?  He loves school.  School loves him.  He wants to be there.  He does only go part time.  He's got to learn to live in society.  I can't keep him at home until he's 40.  Anyhow, that's another post...

Why did I take him into the store?!  How in the freak had I missed this?!  What was I thinking?!  Why didn't I see this happen?!

These situations are so difficult.  I never really know what to do.  You read article after article after book after book about kids and attachment, kids and trauma, kids and FAS, kids and whatever else anyone in the adoption/psychology world recommends and the only stupid thing they say is to be consistent and do redo's.  We've done so many freaking redo's it's ridiculous.  Most of the time we have to redo our redo.  The books/articles also tell you all the terrible statistics that your kid is about to become.  No crap people, I know this!  Tell me what to do when he steals!!!  The best/closest thing I've come across was the advice from another FAS parent who said to remove the opportunity for these types of failures, which I'm already doing, go me.  But seriously.  I have to somehow help him be able to be socially acceptable.  Does he move out and live on his own but never step foot in a store?  Am I supposed to do his grocery shopping for him until I die?!  He steals every. day.  Every day people.  Every day.  Half the time I get judged by other people (and yes, they do feel it necessary to tell me about their judgements) because I am so strict and controlling of BoyTwo and I call him out on his attempts to manipulate.  The other half of the time I am reprimanded for not being a good parent.  Because obviously, because my kid steals/cheats/lies/is violent, it's my fault.  I must not be Karyn Purvis-ing enough.  Good hell, I can't catch a break.  I also have five other kids for which life must continue.  Last year I learned the difficult and damaging lesson of allowing one child to rule the rest of the family and I am determined to not let that happen again.  

We headed to the park, which was great fun.  Such a beautiful place!  Obviously, at this point, BoyTwo was on restriction which meant he couldn't roam around and climb on everything like all the other kids.  BoyOne was mad at BoyTwo for what had happened and chose to restrict himself.  One thing that I have noticed is that if BoyTwo is on restriction for something that a) BoyOne didn't see happen, b) BoyOne is really mad about, or c) feels is unjust, he restricts himself.  This wouldn't be so annoying if he a) wasn't SUCH a moper about it or b) didn't say things like, 'BoyTwo it's okay,'  because let's face it, it's NOT okay!  It totally undermines the restriction for BoyTwo and really gives him a feeling of control over whatever is happening.  We have spoken with BoyOne about this and while it has improved, it is still an issue that we deal with.  Anyhow, so I had to have BoyTwo attached to me by a 12 inch invisible string (ugh) and BoyOne attached himself to his brother by an invisible 24 inch string. Good times.  But really, it was.  The girls had a great time and finally the last five minutes we were there, BoyOne actually smiled:)  We grabbed some take out on the way back to my sister's place.  While at the park I decided that I would try to have BoyTwo return his little treasure to the Tar.get in St. George.  Even though he had taken the deodorant from a different store, I was hopeful that they would be able to take care of this for us here.  I couldn't wait an entire week to have him do this on our way back home when we would be near that first store again.  He can hardly remember what happened five minutes ago, let alone five days ago.

My sister kindly agreed to watch the other kids while BoyTwo and I paid a visit to Tar.get to return said merchandise.  I phoned ahead and spoke with the manager and security guard about what had happened.  In case anyone ever needs to know, you can return stolen merchandise to a different store location.  During the phone call basically, I asked the manager and guard to be very firm with BoyTwo.

Their definition of firm and mine were obviously not the same, so early on in the conversation I was saying behind BoyTwo 'mean.  you have to be mean.  he doesn't care.'

'Hi, buddy.  Did you take something from the store that your mommy wouldn't buy for you?'

I knew we were in trouble.  

'Nope,'  I said, 'he took some deodorant.  He didn't even try to ask me to buy it for him.'

'Why did you take deodorant?'

'I want.  I like take things.'

That one surprised them a little.

'Stealing is a really bad habit.  People that steal sometimes-'

'all the time'  that was me interjecting.

'go to jail.  Jail is not a really good place.  There are bad people there who aren't very nice...'

okay.  He knows all about jail.  His bio dad was there.  A lot.  BoyTwo aspired to go to jail for months after coming home (and probably a significant amount of time prior to coming home).  He's quit talking about it after a bajillion conversations, so hopefully he's done with that fantasy.

'Since this is your first time stealing from our store, it's okay-'

'if we sit here while you call the police and decide if they are taking him to jail now.'

That was me interjecting again.

'Yes, sit here and we'll be right back.'  They caught on.

After about five minutes they came back and told him that his image had been captured on the stores surveillance video (you know the one when you walk into the store) and that the store where he had stolen from had been notified.  They told him not to steal again.

BoyTwo, 'because I next time go to jail.'

'No.  There won't be next time.  You will not steal again,' said the security guard.  Where was that earlier?!  

'ok,' said BoyTwo.

And then we left and went to pick up the kids from my sister's and drive the rest of the way to Vegas.

to be continued.

The Happiest Place on Earth

Last Wednesday I sent my kids to school only to pick them up shortly thereafter.  I was surprising them with a vacation!!!

I've always wanted to surprise them with a vacation.  I was pumped.  As soon as I got them out the door, I started throwing all the luggage I'd been packing and hiding under my bed and in my closet in the suburban.  I picked up BoyOne first because I was pretty sure he'd be super excited and I could hardly wait!!!  I was way wrong.  Now, I know he's a teenager, but the lack of excitement with which he responded to me checking him out of school disappointed me greatly, I'll be honest.  

"Why you check me out, Mom?'

"We're going somewhere really fun and you don't have to go to school!"

That was where he was supposed to whoop for joy and jump into the air.  Instead he grumpily demanded to know when he would be home so that he could play with his friend (that happens to be a very bad influence).  Still, I tried to stick with my awesome mom who surprises her kids with a vacation act, 

"I don't know when we'll be back!  It's a surprise!  We're picking up the other kids and going somewhere really awesome!!!"

Tears ensued.  Dead serious.  It made me feel grumpy.  He complains every day about school, about having soccer practice, about not having soccer practice, about playing with friends, about not playing with friends.  I guess it shouldn't have bugged me at all, as it seems to be a bit of his personality/part of being a teenager, but it did bug me.  I didn't let it keep me down, though because next it was off to the elementary!  I already had Four and BoyTwo with me because Four is in afternoon kindergarten and  (BTW she is freaking awesome!!  She saw me putting travel bags in the car and immediately got way excited!!  'mom, where are we going?!'  'it's a secret.  but it's going to be way way fun!'  'OOOOOOOH  I'm so excited!' and then she helped load the car, the whole time proclaiming her excitement)  BoyTwo has been having some... difficulties at school which I will save for another post altogether and is grounded from going to school so he waited in his room until it was time to go.  He climbed in the car completely unaware that it was packed with travel items and buckled himself into his 5 point harness (yep, we're back to that).

Because of BoyOne's tantrum when I picked him up, I was already off schedule so I phoned ahead to the elementary to have them call the other kids down to the office so that they were ready to go when I got there.  (By the way, I told the office what I was doing and THEY were excited:)

When I went into sign the kids out, they were all waiting for me, baited breath,

'mom, what's going on?!'

'where are we going?!'

'do we have to come back to school today?'

'are we going to the dentist?'

'give us a hint!!'

They had no idea what was going on but they were already getting excited!!  Once in the car they saw their pillows in their seats and the travel bags in the back and gave me the reaction I was after:)

We went back and forth, them trying to get me to say where we were going, me acting like I didn't know, etc etc etc.  Finally about half an hour into the drive, I decided to give them a hint.  Not just any hint, I wanted to draaaaaag it out.

So, we played hangman.  I told them that all I would draw was a head, body, two legs, two arms, two eyes, a nose and a mouth and if they didn't get it by then, well they were out of luck.  Fortunately for them they were able to guess all the letters,

"The happiest place on earth!"

I could hardly contain myself as they read the answer.  Instead of hearing all sorts of cheering and excitement, there was dead silence.  I quickly glanced back to see them looking at each other like, 'what the heck????'

'Seriously?  You guys have never heard of the happiest place on earth?!'  I asked.

Somehow, they hadn't.  And yes, the girls have all been there.  So I told them to guess and I'm so glad that I did.  Their answers were priceless:

heaven

Mexico

New Mexico

the mysterious island

the temple

The heaven answer was first, funniest and lasted the longest. 

'HEAVEN!!!  Yeah!!  WE'RE GOING TO HEAVEN!!'

lots of cheering and chanting 'heaven, heaven, heaven!'

'Wait a second.  Mom, are we going to heaven?'

'Wait a second.  Can you even visit heaven?'

'Well, heaven IS the happiest place.'

'But it's not exactly in our state, is it?'

'I don't know.  Maybe.'

'Do you have to be dead to visit heaven?'

'I love heaven!!'

'I don't think you can visit heaven.  Mom, can you even visit heaven?'

'I can't wait to see Grandma Tingey!!!! (who happens to be in heaven)'

'Guys I don't think we're going to heaven.'

'Wait a second!  Maybe we're going to MEXICO!!!!!!!!'

lots of squealing, followed by

'what's eximo??'

...and then I texted Huz and we decided to drag this out as long as we could...

to be continued

Gratitude

Tonight my heart is filled with gratitude.

It's easy to get caught up in the every day race of life, to only see the long distance that is ahead, to fail to notice (or mention) all the beauty along the way.  One of my faults is that I find myself using this blog to vent.  While that is in and of itself not terrible, I feel I need to be better about documenting the gratitude I have for the life I have been given.  Easy parts and not so easy parts.

Tonight the kids were all in bed and asleep by 10:15, an absolute rarity.  As I walked around to their rooms and tucked in their little (and not so little) bodies, I couldn't help but feel so blessed by each of them.  I'm so grateful to be their mom.  I'm so grateful that I know them.  I'm so grateful that they love me.  I'm so grateful to have them to love.

The Past Two Weeks

Yikes!  There is a lot to catch up on.  I actually had written a really long and detailed post and decided it was not necessary.  This is still long, but much shorter than the previous.

* BoyOne's birthday party

*One's birthday and birthday party

*Two's birthday and birthday party

*BoyTwo had a seizure while at school two weeks ago tomorrow, witnessed by his teacher and entire class of 28 students

*I did not believe that it was real

*I felt terrible for not believing him

*ended up taking him to our pediatrician who referred me to the local (relative term here as it is roughly 1.5 hours from where I live) children's hospital ER

*received an order for an MRI and EEG and referral to see a neurologist

*BoyTwo has reverted to baby talk and climbing all over the car once again and I have replaced his booster seat with the 5 point harness

*While visiting with friends from out of town, BoyTwo desperately sought for extra attention

*BoyTwo announced to said friends that he had a seizure at school, his new favorite thing to tell EVERYONE and their dog

*BoyTwo proceeded to add that he 'no real seizure.  pretend it.'

*kept appointment for MRI and neurologist because really, how do we even know what to believe with this kid?!

*MRI was all clear, neurologist a little puzzled until I told him why

*somewhat entertaining to watch a neurologist try to maintain his composure while sorting through the fact that an 8 year old faked a seizure

*BoyTwo tells him he likes the way it makes him feel when he holds his breath and almost passes out (been trying to stop this since day 1) and the attention he got when he 'pretend'

*neurologist suggests seeing a behavior health specialist (duh) and cancels the testing he had set up for BoyTwo

*I asked neurologist to please look at the MRI for possible brain damage from past abuses and possible FAS (not always seen on MRI if I understand correctly, but wanted to check).

*neurologist says that there is no structural damage to BoyTwo's brain and that it is not missing any parts of the brain and that there is no structural reason that he should be so delayed or have such difficulty learning or any muscle problems (basically he doesn't have CP and we did not think he did, just covering our bases).

*BoyTwo has decided he wants to live in a teepee and use chopsticks to eat and learn 'China language'

*pretttttttty happy

*and honestly pretty sad that we haven't been able to help him more

g

BoyTwo knew what this letter was at 1:00 p.m. today when we reviewed letters of the alphabet.  There were several that he did not know (true to character, it's a different few each time), but he knew 'g'.  Now, at 6:03 p.m., he has no idea.  He's guessed j (four different times now, twice in a row even!!), e, and u so far and has been trying to remember for ten. minutes.

What is this????  I don't even know how to help this!!!

Last Thursday when we reviewed the alphabet (a daily occurrence) he didn't know 6 of the letters.  I can't remember which 6, but whatever.  I fed him lunch and then we worked on letters at 12:40.  The next day his teacher told me that she had tested him yesterday (meaning Thursday) on the alphabet right before I picked him up (at 11:30 a.m.) and he knew every single letter and sound (which honestly I'm skeptical of.  I've never seen or heard him do this ever.  With anyone.  I don't think she's lying to me, but maybe she misheard him??)

Seriously???  An hour and maybe 20 minutes later he could not remember 6 of them???

How do you help someone overcome this??  I don't even know what to do to help him!

oh my heck!  he just told me 'I know it's NOT 'g''.
ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

6:42 p.m.
somehow, somehow!  he knows the word cone.  this is how the past four minutes have gone:

'k-o-n-e, can'
me-try again
'k-o'
me-BoyTwo it's not a k.  what letter is that?
'c.  s-o-n-e'
me-BoyTwo what letter is that?!  you just said c, but then said s.  which is it?
'k'

and on and on. obviously he doesn't really know the word cone then if more than half the time he says it is 'can' or 'sone' or 'jump'

Going Home, part 4

Cheekwood

We spent the day with my dad at Cheekwood Estate in Franklin that was having a Treehouse exhibition.  Each treehouse was based on a book.  Cheekwood is a really cool place to go, even if they aren't doing anything extra.  They have art exhibits and lots of gardens to walk through and explore.  We've gone before over Easter for a giant egg hunt when the girls were little.  

 I can't remember what this one was, but it looked cool.

 Two

Stairs to climb up, slide to get down.

This next one was our favorite.  Something happened as I uploaded these pictures and they didn't upload all the way, so I had to do it again and now there are some at the end of the post, out of order.  This was a Robinson Crusoe treehouse.

 I almost didn't include this one, but I thought it was funny so I did.  I was taking a picture of my kids and this little boy (green shirt) came busting through them to be in the picture.  Afterwards, my kids were like, 'that was weird.'  Maybe you had to be there, but at the time it was funny:)

 Four on the outside of the treehouse  (obviously)

 This one was the conch from Lord of the Flies

 sign on the approach to the conch treehouse

 From a distance the kids weren't really interested in this one, but I insisted that we visit each and every treehouse.  It's a good thing we did because they had a great time at this one, swinging from the poles and climbing up the boards.  There were even masks outside the conch that they could hold up to their faces.

 Two 

Hanging inside the conch

A picture from this next one is down at the bottom also.  This was the pirate ship from PeterPan.  This was a big hit, too.

 One climbing up, Three climbing down, BoyOne at the top

 The approach to the next treehouse.  Can't remember the book for this one either.

 View of the front is pretty plain, but then you go to the back and it's pretty awesome, but you'll have to scroll down to the bottom to see because the next picture didn't upload!!  

 One

This is the slide to exit the above treehouse.

 Bet you can guess this one!  Rainbow Fish!  This was a really fun one to look at.  Pretty boring for the kids as there was not anything to climb on or hang from:)

 They used CDs for the outside of it.  Clever, don't you think!!

 Tried to get a good picture of all six of them and this was as good as it got.  Oh well!

 The beginning of the out of order ones:

Three, Four, One, BoyOne

Two and BoyTwo were in a timeout for taking off without the rest of us:(

The outside of the Robinson Crusoe treehouse.  The kids loved the swing underneath and all of the poles to climb on, which I'm sure wasn't the intention when it was built, but nonetheless, they enjoyed them.

The PeterPan pirate ship

This is the backside of the one made of crates that looked really plain from the front.  Right next to this is the long slide that One is coming down (above)

Can't remember the book for this one either.  But I loved looking at it.  

With Papa John, the man that made this all possible:)

 The Cheekwood mansion.  It's pretty big.

 One of the ponds.  If I remember right (which really isn't any more than 50% likely, let's be honest, my brain is mush), this is the same pond that the string treehouse was in.

 One of the many flower gardens

 Another garden

 Pretty flower.  It's about as big as my face.

 Pretty flower again

BoyTwo
Cool little 'castle' as the kids call it.  It sits in a little pond/creek.

Taking a break in the shade.  It was hooooot and humid!

What a great day that was!  Thanks so much Dad!!!