Thursday, I'm in Kyiv

I am alive and there is not a resolution yet. If you have twenty minutes and a soft chair to sit on, keep reading.

So, after hearing conflicting strategies from the attorney of what is 'the best course of action,' it became evident that I would not be bringing the boys home with me any time soon. I made plans to keep my original plans (you know the ones where I was supposed to have the boys with me, only instead I'm alone) to take the night train to Kyiv Wednesday night, stay in Kyiv Thursday and Friday and fly home Saturday. Yes, I could have flown home tomorrow morning, but considering all the unexpected expenses that we will now have, it was cheaper to stay in Kyiv for two nights than to pay the flight change fee and come home sooner.

Monday, I waited all day long to find anything out. I finally heard from my facilitator (whom I love and who had been waiting to hear from the attorney) in the evening. Kyiv attorney found an attorney for us in Zap and was able to firm up some plans. There were a couple options to be discussed, both of which would more than likely take at the very least a month to play out. This meant that I needed to stick to my original travel itinerary so that I could get home and not hang out in Ukraine for who knows how long. This also meant that I needed to visit the boys to let them know what was going on. I was assurred that the boys had been updated but I knew I needed to see them before I left-for several reasons.

We took the beloved bus. It was hotter this time than last and the driver not quite as smooth, but scenery was beautiful and that alone made me feel better. Seriously, this country is so beautiful that just seeing it and being in it reminds me of how much God loves us. Anyhow, when we got to the camp I could tell right away that something was not right.

If you will remember, the previous two times we have come to the camp, we were surrounded by children, welcomed by leaders, and really, everyone was thrilled to see us. Kids would be yelling our names and gather around us and we would play and have a lovely (ok, as lovely a time as you can have when you aren't allowed to play...) time. This time, it was like we were in a ghost town.

We tried to check in with the director, but she was napping (now we know who this 'quiet time' is really for...). We left a message for her with her 'secretary' and headed off to find the boys. As we walked it was just creepy. I could tell people were watching us, yet we still could see nobody. I asked Yana if she thought something was wrong and she agreed, but we weren't sure what. When we got to the cabin, none of the kids were outside.

We knocked on the cabin door and some kids answered and got their youth leader. Every. orphan. at this camp was staring at us through their windows. Awkward. The leader came to the door and said the boys were 'somewhere' and she didn't know where. Now, this is the same leader that always sits with us and chats and plays with us with the kids and she is now stone cold. Yana can hear kids whispering and tells me that she can hear words like 'lawyer' and 'prosecute' and 'leaving'. Right then BoyTwo comes around the corner and jumps into my arms. But, you can tell from the looks on everyone's faces that he wasn't supposed to come out.

Yana and I go to the famous bench that we always have to sit on and I give BoyTwo some bubbles that I brought for him and a banana and some water. While he sits on my lap, eating, I ask him what he was told about coming with me to America.

"They told me that my Ukraine mom made a bad paper and that you are having her put in jail."

?????????!!!!!!??!!??????????!!!!!!!!

Followed by, "When can I go home with you mami?"

Yana and I about fall off our bench. So, yeah, it's now becoming really clear why we are being avoided like the plague. I tell BoyTwo that his Ukraine mom did NOT make any bad papers, she didn't do anything wrong, that she is NOT going to jail. Then I had to attempt to explain to him what WAS going on-when I don't even understand. Yeah, I understand the legality of everything, I understand the technicalities. What I don't understand is that I have to tell this little boy is why I am leaving him. I have now become one more person in his life who has left him. You have to understand that this is all they hear and see. It doesn't matter what else you say, because the people that were supposed to take care of them in the very first place already told them things and didn't follow through. They have been told words their entire lives. The only thing that means anything is actions. And their cases (in all orphan's cases) it takes a LOT of actions to mean anything.

I tell him that there was a misake on one of the papers. A lady is trying to fix it for us. Mami has to go home until the paper is ready. As soon as it is ready, I will come get him.

'When, Mami. Why can't I go home with you?'

I have to tell him I don't know but that I'm going to come back as fast as I can. I tell him that he can just stay here at the camp and play with his friends and have fun while he waits for me. (righhhhhhhht. cause I totally believe that-the fun part)

They still won't get BoyOne for us though. And we are still getting lots of dirty looks. We ask the youth leaders to get him and they tell us that they will send someone, they don't really know where he is. They send no one. By now, I think that he is hiding and does not want to see me. I mean, seriously, he thinks I'm having his mother put in prison. Niiiiiiiiiice.

A precious few boys wander out, but sit on the cement slab in front of the cabin, still unwilling to make eye contact or talk at all. I ask them to please go find BoyOne. They tell me his is at the sea. One boy says he is fishing, one boy says he is swimming. Well, because the sea is kind of big, we can't exactly go looking for him. We also have a bus to catch. We have been here for an hour now. I had envisioned this last meeting as being pretty crappy, but nothing like this! Finally, I've had enough and I have Yana translate for me that I am leaving soon and that I must see BoyOne, that they must go get him for me. Another half an hour passes and still no BoyOne. I'm beginning to think I won't even get to see him before I leave, and he comes around the corner.

How news travels in an orphanage is beyond me. It is faster than anything I have ever seen. Unreal, even.

Obviously, he has been told I am here and he is very solemn. He walks over to me and says hi and in about .02 seconds every orphan in the camp is surrounding us to hear what is said. I ask him to come with me so that I can speak to him, without his friends. He tells them to not follow us and we walk a little ways off to talk. I have to sit down, because I cannot stand. I don't even know how to explain the feelings during all of this.

I tell him that BoyTwo told us that they had been told their Ukraine mom made a document and that she was going to jail and that this is not true and that I'm sorry he had been told this.

He confirms that he was told his mom had forged a document, that I was having her put in jail and that I couldn't adopt them now. I have to tell you that this was one of the weirdest conversations I have ever had with him. Yana was there translating, but it was like she wasn't there. It was like time had frozen or something. So bizarre. Anyhow, I tell him that stepdad had a birth certificate made for BoyTwo that had not been filed with the government and that when we went to pick up the paperwork to finalize the adoption, we were told that we could not adopt them because BoyTwo was not considered an orphan now. I told him that we have been talking to a lot of people who know the laws in Ukraine and have hired an attorney to try to have this other birth certificate annulled. When it is annulled, I will be able to come pick them up and finish the adoption, but until it is annulled, I have to go home. He asked me how long that would be and, once again, I become another person in his life who cannot give him an answer and who is letting him down. I tell him that we have been told that it could be two weeks, four weeks, two months, six months. It could even be as long as two years and that I am so sorry they can't come with me right now. He says he is okay. But I know he is not. He has been abandoned again. This just reinforces to him that this is life, people can't be trusted, they won't commit. He is being left again. By me. And there is not a thing I can do about it.

I give him the bag of groceries I brought for him to share with his friends. He takes my camera and takes more pictures, and we even have fun and laugh and I chase him, which he thinks is hilarious, which in all honesty was (I was jumping over benches and running around trees and can only imagine how goofy I looked). Both boys give me big hugs when I leave, but he won't look at me. He did this when he left us after we hosted him. I know what he is trying to do. He is giving all the food to his friends, but he won't eat any of it. He is distancing himself from me. And that really really sucks.

That day was pretty crappy.

Wednesday morning I have an appointment with an attorney in Zap. I find out that some of the laws in Ukraine have changed and that we now have to have a court hearing to get rid of this birth certificate. And that the stepdad/rat/biodad has to sign a paper, go to court twice and that the bio mom has to go to court. Once a petition is filed, it is reviewed for two weeks. At the end of that two weeks, a judge is assigned the case (somehow this region is light years ahead of the rest of the country and has automated judge assignments), he reviews the case for two weeks, we are given a court date, we go to court, hopefully it only takes one hearing, and then, after a ten day wait (all civil trials have a ten day waiting period), the birth certificate would be annulled and the suspension on our court decree would be lifted and we could finish the adoption.

Did you catch how many variables there were in that?!

My facilitator wanted to go immediately to look for bio dad and bio mom. I said that I had to talk to Huz first. I didn't even know what to think. The idea that all of these things had to happen just didn't seem possible. The other problem was that the time frame was SO all over the place. The soonest we would be able to come get the boys would be six weeks from now and that is if EVERYTHING goes perfectly, without any glitches. And we all know how likely that is. I also didn't have any hope that the bio parents would be willing to do all of this.

I called Huz at 2 a.m., his time and we had a little chat. I was a little emotionally unstable. He was a rock. We had a little discussion and came up with our game plan, which isn't really much of a plan. I told him that I thought there was no possible way bio dad would agree to do any of this. He told me to give him some credit and give it a chance, but agreed that it would take a miracle.

Literally the second after he said the word miracle, my phone rang and Yana was telling me that bio dad had called and agreed to sign the papers and go to court. Shocking. Still, a lot has to happen for this to finish, but that was the first major hurdle. Seriously, we couldn't even find him the five days before.

Well, after my really awkward experience at the camp on Tuesday (and you really had to be there to feel the tangible awkwardness. Words simply cannot describe), I was pretty sure that had been one of the most awkward situations I would ever be in. And then Wednesday happened. I got to spend oer two hours with bio dad.

And my facilitator kept telling me to ask him questions. I am clueless. She has really got to prep me if she has things she wants me to say. (remember the vital records lady??) I of course, introduced myself and thanked him for coming. Like it was a PTA meeting or something. Yelena kept telling me to ask him more questions. I honestly considered asking him to tell me about his tattooes. This is where Huz would have come in handy. Brilliantly, I managed to think to ask him if he had any questions for me. He did not. I asked if he wanted me to send him pictures of the boys. He said he had pictures. I told him I meant pictures of them when they come to America. He said sure. By the way, the power went off during all of this. When the power came back on and we had signed our powers of attorney, I offered him a ride home. He asked me to buy him a cell phone. I obliged. It would be nice to be able to potentially get ahold of him plus, we want to get ahold of grandma sometime. That may sound kind of crazy but the whole cell phone things is totally different here. Another story for another time. My word, just recalling all of this is giving me a large headache. He was very polite. The feeling in the room was not hostile, just really awkward. For him, too, I'm sure.

By the way, it's 3 a.m. here and there are people outside doing some sort of construction. In the pitch black. Really odd.

So, now what? Really still need prayers. Bio dad was coherent during our meeting, but we need him to be coherent at least two to three other times, one of those times being tomorrow when he goes with the attorney to file the petition at court. Two weeks from tomorrow we will find out who our judge will be. Two weeks after that the judge will schedule a hearing. Then we have to have the hearing where the bio parents have to both show up. Then we have another ten day wait. There are just still so many things that could go wrong. Right now I am most concerned about how this will affect the boys. They want to know when, I don't have an answer for them.

Now, for the pity party. I had to take the night train back to Kyiv. The heat was nearly unbearable. Literally people were dripping with sweat (yes, imagine that smell-still not as bad as the food at the camp though). I was fortunate enough to be taking the train back with my friend who is adopting her two absolutely darling boys. Leaving that city without BoyOne and BoyTwo was really hard. Especially because of all the unknowns and knowing that they want to come home so, so bad.

I am in Kyiv now, sharing an apartment and tagging along with my friend as she finishes her adoption. It's hard to go to all these appointments with her and her boys, when I'm supposed to have my boys here too. It would be really easy to just be so sad. And I am, don't get me wrong, but what's it going to be: bitter or better? I choose better.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and prayers. Totally needed them. Still do. I keep telling myself lemonade, lemonade, lemonade...

BoyTwo and his favorite orphan dog, Jessey. He named her and everyone at camp now calls her Jessey. I tried to show him how to make her sit, but they all thought I was crazy. I mean, she doesn't speak english....

This was when we were having fun for the three minutes before I had to leave. BoyOne and I had been sort of wrestling so that I could take his picture and he got away from me and this older boy grabbed him and carried him back to me upside down and told him to smile for his mom. I think this is one of those that you had to be there for, but it was happy and fun.

This is the 'bus.' It's really a large mini van. The picture makes it look way nicer than it really is. Trust me on this one. People will seriously pay money to stand up the whole way and hold on to that bar that runs along the top. Please notice the skylight at the top of the van. This was one of two skylights that we had that were our ONLY means of air conditioning. That's right. Three hours. No a/c. No other windows rolled down. It's amazing to me that more people don't die from heat stroke in this country. I'd also be interested in finding out some car accident statistics. I'm pretty sure that I am the only person in Zap that wears a seat belt.

After a really really long Tuesday, I met up with my friend who is adopting the two boys and another friend who just got into town to adopt her son (who by the way just had an emergency appendectomy yesterday-the boy not the mom) and we went to dinner at this cool soviet era restaurant. This is the toilet. At least it's clean... Food was great. Politburo's is the name of the restaurant. If you are ever in Zap, Ukraine, give it a try.

Cool building. I love how the lights make the Ukraine flag. We stayed out past dark. Actually way past dark. But we were three crazy women with two boys and it is what it is. I think we were more scary than all the drunk people we saw.

Val, Jami, me. Thank goodness Val was with us. I was so distraught and in need of my thyroid medicine that I was completely disoriented. Jami couldn't remember which apartment building she was staying in... Look at all of our fake smiles. Don't we all look so happy (run ragged from the process). Maybe next time the husbands should come.

These are two of my babushkas. I really love them and will miss them. I think they are darling.

Look very carefully so that you can see the pigeon on top of Zhenia's head.

So this was really weird. This man walks up to me and he is holding these two pigeons and he tries to hand them to me. I'm saying no and he is pushing them onto me. Literally. Then he takes my camera from me and I'm thinking crap! He's got my camera and I'm stuck with his birds. Nice. He won't take the birds, he still has my camera (it really wouldn't have been cool if he took off with my camera, but I was more worried about what I was supposed to do with these two birds if he took off.). Val comes over to help me and instead, she ends up holding one of the birds (see above picture). At some point we lost total control of the situation and just sort of went along with it. This guy took like twenty pictures of us holding his birds, with my camera, and then wanted to charge us $100. You've got to hand it to him for creativity. We gave him $8 just to get rid of him and the birds.

This is a fountain. Just wanted to clear that up. There are many of them and people just get in them and sit. Sometimes little kids play in them but tonight I saw mostly adults in there. It was really odd. They weren't playing, they were just walking in there. One guy was actually sitting next to one of the spouts and it was spraying all over his face. Which I guess isn't a big deal when you are sitting IN A FOUNTAIN and you are over the age of two!! I feel like I'm in a movie and I'm the only one that doesn't know about it.

Sunday

Today I had planned to go to church but when I woke up this morning it was pouring rain. I searched the apartment and couldn't find an umbrella. Walking 45 minutes in the rain was not something I wanted to do and it didn't occur to me until just now that I probably could have walked to the store that is about ten minutes away to buy an umbrella, but oh well! I waited a little while to see if it let up and it didn't, so I tried to go back to sleep.

I ended up doing nothing today. I didn't leave the apartment once. I finished off the last of my veggies for dinner and, of course, ate some ice cream, my comfort food. I read my scriptures a lot, prayed, searched the internet for recipes to make when I get back home, researched a couple of medical conditions I wanted to learn more about, and watched two movies. Along Came Polly and Hitch. They made me laugh. It felt good:)

I remember this time last week I was thinking about this week. I thought I'd be preparing to go pick up the boys from the camp. I had planned on bringing more food to the kids and hopefully spending some time with them before leaving for good. I was worried that it would be so hard to leave all the other kids there, knowing that I wouldn't be back. Knowing what the future held for them. Not knowing if there was anything I'd ever be able to do for any of them. I didn't even think there was a possibility that I might be leaving my kids there. Even Friday morning I was wondering how soon all of us would be able to get home, hoping that it would be within a week to ten days. Now, I wonder how long it will be before I will be able to come back to get them.

I'm supposed to find out some information tomorrow from an attorney and that will hopefully give us an idea of what steps will have to be taken.

Last week I was worried about handling potential poor behavior while traveling, now I'd be thrilled to deal with bad behavior if it meant they would be traveling with me.

I guess that is one of life's lessons. No matter how carefully we line things up and no matter what necessary steps we take, it's never really 'our plan,' is it? Sometimes, a lot of times, I trick myself into thinking that I have everything under control, that things are going the way I want them to. I forget that this is not what life is about, that all of this is our Heavenly Father's plan, that He has everything under control. Certainly, I believe, He expects us to do everything within our capabilities to make things happen. Then, I think we are supposed to let Him make up the deficit. I don't believe in a God who makes bad things happen (like the Rat having this birth certificate created), but I do believe in a God who will take every opportunity that presents itself to follow us down whatever road we are on and show us how it can lead us to Him. So, now while I am obviously very disappointed and distressed about the goings on of the past few days, I am feeling peace. I believe that as long as I do all that I can, He will ensure the end result. The other tricky part is that the end result is not always what we think it should be, and that's part of the trust that we have to have in Him. I know that Heavenly Father loves me, and my family and those boys. (Actually, I know He loves everybody but for the sake of the length of this post I'll leave it at that) I know that because of this love that He has for us, combined with the efforts we are making and the efforts that are being made in our behalf, along with the many prayers that are being said, that He will take care of things. He will take care of these boys. He has a plan for them. He is bigger than any dumb piece of paper, bigger than any judicial system, bigger than any hope or dream. He has a plan and it will prevail.

The words of a song have been with me today, "He'll Carry You," by Hilary Weeks. While my feelings and thoughts are not nearly as hopeless and devastated as those of the person in this song, I do truly believe in the message of the song. That Jesus Christ will lift our heavy load-our burden, our heartache, our trouble, our sins, our efforts, and He will make up the difference and see us through to the end. He is waiting at every step we take for us to turn to Him and allow His atonement to work in our lives. He is the Master healer of body and mind, of sin, heartache, burden, trouble, distress, loneliness, fear, and hopelessness.

(and now for my first link ever. I hope it works)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCVT88Dz_CM

The Lady

This morning I received a phone call telling me that I needed to be ready in one hour to go to the vital records office to meet with the lady who started this whole mess. Less than interested in meeting this woman who is causing us so much grief, time and money, I didn't even understand why she needed to see me. Evidently it was a self serving visit on her part.

She was certain that I was an American idiot, along only for the ride with the end goal of mine to be able to have children. I removed my sunglasses and stared her straight in the eyes the whole time she is 'explaining' to me why this is not her fault, but our judge's fault.

Guys, I promise I tried to keep my mouth shut. I tried really really hard. When she said it was our judge's fault, it pushed me a little too far. I have to back up and tell you that she is filing a legal complaint on our judge basically, to cover her sorry butt. Fortunately our judge is the head judge of his jurisdiction and is quite capable of handling himself (hence the unbuttoned shirt??) and is not concerned with her feeble attempt to cover her blunder. However, when she said to me that I should be upset with our judge and not with her, I couldn't help it.

"I didn't realize that a judge in Volnyansk was responsible for filing your paperwork."

I thought maybe Yelena would be upset with me for saying anything so I tried really hard again to shut up, but then Yelena said to me to ask questions. I wasn't sure what she wanted me to say. I was pretty sure she knew that I would be very straight forward and I was under the impression that this was not a good idea, that we were trying to 'play nice.'

Yelena encouraged me again, to ask the woman questions saying that she knew I had some. I told Yelena it would be best for me to not comment at this time. She said it WOULD be best. So, I said perhaps I would go have my name changed to Victor and come back to her office and say that I was BoyTwo's father and maybe this woman would create another new birth certificate for him. She said she could not do that. Holy crap. That she even answered that ticked me off. Like she didn't catch the sarcasm. (Yana did and so did Yelena, though. I even saw Yana smile a little) Yelena told me to keep asking questions, so, with that, I said to this woman that I don't have any relevant questions for her. The judicial system in America is the one I am familiar with and that according to our laws, this birth certificate is bogus. I do not have any questions for her because our laws are different from Ukrainian laws and do not allow for this kind of nonsense to take place.

And do you know what she said to me????????

"You should be grateful that this boy has a loving father who wants to take care of him."

Yeah. That didn't fly too well with me. After that, I was not at all worried about playing nice. How dare she say to me that this evil, wicked man cares about his child. How dare she suggest this.

"Because a man walks in and says he is some child's father and wants a birth certificate made, this makes him a loving person? This loving father you speak of, are you aware that he (and I listed several of the terrible, horrible, abhorrent things he had done)?"

She asks how I know this, and not in a tone that suggests she really wants to know but in an accusing tone.

"Well, first of all, the court records and documents that I have seen, include the police reports of multiple abuse and neglect cases. Had he been listed on the birth certificate his rights would have been removed as well." I then proceeded to list things that I had witnessed during my time here, along with voicing concerns that caretakers and neighbors have concerning this man.

She asks if I have really seen these documents, more than surprised that I am not the 'ignorant American' she pegged me for.

"I have seen them with my own eyes and read them."

She is visibly shocked that I have had access to and been made aware of these documents. She weakly suggests that maybe the father is trying now.

"You really believe that a man so wicked that he (I again list several more of his actions), is trying to be a 'father'? Yeah, I know he is not trying to be a good father."

She tries to explain to me the legal process of Ukraine and the removal of the rights of the parents among other things. I interrupt her and explain these things for her, demonstrating that I have done my homework and am not blindly here, just trying to pick up a couple of random cute kids.

She says that she did not know I knew these things and that she did not know all of these things about the father. Duh. Maybe she should have done her homework.

As we leave the office she says, 'I guess we will let the courts decide this fate.'

I turned back around and said, 'I forgot to mention that he also (and I listed yet one more final, uncomprehensible atrocity), too, and that the courts had already tried to decide the fate of these boys by granting us custody and that unfortunately because of this bogus document their lives were now in jeopardy.

So now there are four people on my list of people I do not like. By the way, she suddenly 'found' the paperwork showing that she had forwarded it to the proper authorities (i.e. hurried and filled it out last night).

And that was my exciting morning.

Big Problem

I think I'll start by listing a few blessings and tender mercies from the Lord:

*my babushkas were so happy to see me this evening when I finally forced myself to leave the apartment. Nothing like a bunch of old ladies to make you feel loved.

*the vegetable stand guy also called out to me and asked how I was doing.

* a little kid that was out for a walk with his parents toddled toward me with a huge smile on his face. There's nothing like a child's smile.

*the sun is setting earlier these days, but I made it outside just in time to see a most beautiful explosion of color across the sky

Today was not good. It actually was really, really bad. I already felt pretty stretched to my limit, so when the crap hit the fan today, it about put me over the edge. I'm not going to give you a play by play of the days events, I'm just going to list the facts in as clear an order as I can so that they make sense. But, the problem is that none of it makes sense.

• 
  
  
  our court order, the one saying that the adoption has been approved and completed, has been suspended. the good news is that the adoption was not contested. the bad news is that it is not legal.



• 
  
  
  on December 23, 2009, in order (it is suspected) to 'get out of jail early' the biological father of BoyTwo (whose family or last name happens to be RATchenko) had a new birth certificate created listing him as the father. Then he could say, look I have a child to care for, I need to be out of prison so that I can work. riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. somehow, he is still unemployed. must be hard to support a child you never even met until he was 3 and then severly beat prior to said child being placed in government custody whom you have never seen since.



• 
  
  
  bio dad was not listed on the original birth certificate



• 
  
  
  he walked in to the vital records office in the Zap region of the Zap oblast and some lady, voila, created a new birth certificate for a kid that wasn't even present, that he claimed was his son, BASED ON HIS FIRST NAME. Seriously, he said, look at his patronomic name (in Ukraine everyone has a patronomic name. Basically you add 'vich' to your dad's first name. So, if your father's name is Victor, your patronomic name would be Victorvich). So bio dad walks in with BoyTwo's birth cert and says look, his patronomic name is Victorvich, my name is Victor, see I'm his dad. And this lady gives him a new birth certificate. She simply sees his passport to see that his name is, in fact, Victor and issues a new document. She does not complete the required paperwork nor does she forward this information to Zap oblast or the national government.



• 
  
  
  this is a huge problem. HUGE!!! Because now BoyTwo is no longer an orphan and therefore cannot be adopted. Somehow, even though this document was illegally created, it is being upheld in the court of law.



• 
  
  
  the good news is that I remained fully conscious and coherent after receiving this news. sort of.



• 
  
  
  our judge in Volnyansk has no jurisdiction over this case as the new birth cert was created in the Zap region, not the Volnyansk region.



• 
  
  
  lady that issued said birth cert is kind of in hot water, as she should be, and is being required via the courts to put in writing a statement as to why she 1)issued a birth cert without proper documentation, 2)why she did not register the new document with the Zap oblast, 3)why she did not register the new document with the national government.



• 
  
  
  her story is that she didn't have the court decree that terminated the parental rights of the mom, which has absolutely nothing to do with having proper documentation for issuing a new birth certificate. I can tell you all about the process. I've gone through it!!!!!!!!!



• 
  
  
  dad's rights would have been terminated when mom's were, had he been listed on the birth cert, but he wasn't.



• 
  
  
  Zap region superviser had to prepare written statement that this birth cert never did get sent to the Zap oblast or to the national offices.



• 
  
  
  Zap oblast and national offices have to issue written statements saying they never received paperwork for new birth cert.



• 
  
  
  right now I know you are thinking, hello?! This so called birth certificate should be null and void. You're right. The problem is that we are in Ukraine and now dealing with a COMPLETELY new jurisdiction. As in there are no previous relationships with the judges or social service offices there. As in not everyone here likes Americans or is in favor of adoption. Just as in America, you want certain judges to hear certain cases so that you get certain results, only we (meaning my team here) haven't done any work with this other jurisdiction and are trying to figure out who is who and what is what. They are exhausted.



• 
  
  
  everyone is shocked about this. doesn't really make me feel better. In fact it makes me really nervous because instead of everyone saying, 'hey this is illegal, no problem' they are all freaking out too.



• 
  
  
  we have 3 options. here they are in order of best to least best:

1) Our facilitator will attempt to contact via telephone the Rat (as I am now, unaffectionately calling him). Evidently his reputation preceeds him and if Helen makes contact with him and can get him to agree to a meeting, the police (who are very familiar with him) will be accompanying her, along with the director of the social services office in the Zap region. They will 'offer' to him to relinquish his paternal rights to his son based on the fact that he already got his 'get out of jail card' out of it, and probably a few other things that I may not be made aware of 'wink wink'. This formal relinquishment of rights would then need to be processed back in the Zap region and, depending on who sees the case, could be taken care of within a couple days, or a couple years. After the paperwork is done to get rid of the birth certificate, we can move forward with our adoption as the judge would lift the suspension. This is the BEST CASE scenario.

2) We will have to hire an attorney here in Ukraine to file a motion in our behalf to have the birth certificate ruled as null and void. It seems obvious that this would be the case as there is no solid evidence on which the production of the birth cert was originally created. In the words of Oleg, "Anyone with the name of Victor could have walked in, shown his passport and been given this document. Do you know how many Victor's there are in Ukraine?!" The courts would then need to rule the birth certificate null and void. The time frame on this option is unknown also, due to not knowing what judge we would be able to agree to see our case and when the judge would be willing. Once the case was seen, and if the b.c. was ruled null and void, we could move forward with the adoption. (A big blessing in this is that the ten days is up and if the Rat was to try to create another, new certificate at this time, it would not be legal as we have dibs, so to speak, and he didn't come forth during the ten days, but this is only relevant IF they rule the old cert null and void.)

3)This option also requires us hiring an attorney here in Ukraine. We would have to file a motion to have the father's right removed, which shouldn't be too hard to do. The police have loads of files documenting abuse, neglect, and alcoholism, along with statements the orphanage will prepare stating lack of involvement and interest and care shown since the arrival of BoyTwo. By the way, the director was ticked about all this. She doesn't like this guy either. Seriously, so many people have heard of him. Kinda creepy. He's a loser though. Only small minded people hurt other smaller people to make themselves feel big. This is the WORST CASE scenario though, because according to Ukrainian law, a child must be removed from their parents for one year. At the end of that time, they are available for one year only to Ukrainian citizens for adoption. It would be two full years from the time the father's rights were removed before we could adopt him.

Our team here in Ukraine is calling everyone they know, and calling in favors from everyone they know. We are waiting to hear from a husband/wife attorney team who is based in Kyiv. The wife actually used to be an attorney for the old SDA, as in the one from three years ago. So far, we haven't been able to find anyone who has dealt with this situation before. Of course we haven't. OF COURSE!!!! Even the current SDA is like, 'what?!' If by chance you are reading this and have had this happen to you or know of someone it has happened to, please, please, please contact me. Any information on this situation would be helpful at this time.

So, I'm going to be honest here. I'm not feeling very positive. I mean, heck in America, one of the best democracies in the world with one of the best judiciary systems ever, just set Casey Anthony free. And I'm in Ukraine. I'm a little bit of a train wreck thinking about leaving these boys here for an indefinite period of time. It's not going well. Really really need anybody's prayers. Prayers that somehow the Rat will say it is ok for the birth certificate to go bye-bye, that we will find judges in this new jurisdiction to see our case, that we can even FIND the Rat, that all involved in the upcoming court decisions will be inspired to do what is in the best interest of the child.

Day 9, Wednesday

This is how I remember Dylan. He is such a cute, cute little boy. Full of energy and mischief. Whenever our families got together, it was all we could do to either keep up with all the kids, or hope the house stayed standing while we let them play. We have known his family for a very long time. We met the parents before any of us were married. In March, 9 year old Dylan was diagnosed with a rare and devastating cancer, dipg. Dipg is a tumor located on the middle of the brain stem. It grows among the nerves and therefore, is inoperable. This aggressive cancer primarily affects children and the overall survival is nine months. There have been no advances in treatment options in thirty years. I believe that knowledge is power. The more people who are made aware of this cancer, the more people there are to support and encourage research, and the more people there will be to pray for the many families affected by this cancer.

Tuesday morning, Dylan passed away.

Our love and prayers extend to Mandy and Ryan and the rest of their family.

Day 8 of 'The Wait'

And I thought I was bored in Zap. This picture says it all. I spent the afternoon at the camp with the boys and their friends and Yana. I don't even know where to start. The person who runs the camp is way too into the whole power thing and I can't stand her. There are very few people that I dislike (seriously, there are only three of them) and she is one of them. I have nothing else to say about her. Because, if you can't say something nice, then you shouldn't say anything at all. She. is. awfulcrazypowerhungrymeanspiritedbad. (okay I couldn't help it)

It was so hard to be there. We arrived at 1:30 and decided we would stay until 5:30. We kept checking the time. It began to be a bit of a joke. We'd think that it had been, easily, another painfully slow hour, but then, when we checked the time, literally only fifteen or twenty minutes would have passed. No wonder these kids all smoke and drink. It is no wonder! I have no doubt that the people responsible for these children, who drive them to mentally, emotionally and physically be so broken that they never even have a chance of survival, will rot. in. hell. And these are the people who are supposed to be taking care of them because their parents did not/could not.

When we arrived we had to 'check in' and the director wouldn't see us, she was 'busy.' Which means, we approached her and evidently, that does not allow her the power she craves. So, we were required to wait for her to decide she could 'see us.' I have little tolerance for people this extreme. The caregivers and teachers, I usually make excuses for and try to understand how difficult their job must be. Even the parents whose decisions landed their sweet, innocent children here, I try to understand and love. Not this woman. Not one little bit.

The bathrooms are deplorable. The food-just remembering it just now made me dry heave. I am not at all exaggerating either. The smell alone was enough to make me dry heave there and I am not the type that usually gags and dry heaves. Unless it's a booger. I can handle quite a bit. There are bugs in the food, there is not clean water to even drink. And I'm not talking the contaminated water they usually drink at the internat (orphanage), because up until now I considered that water bad. Not only is the water at the camp contaminated, it is dirty. All of the kids have lost weight. They were all thin before, now they are skin and bones.

The children are at 'summer camp.' It seems like a lovely idea. Send them to a camp for 6 weeks by the sea. Not. even. close. The kids are not allowed to play. They are not allowed to kick a soccer ball, throw a frisbee, run, play cards, play anything, or make hardly any noise. Some of the youth leaders are truly good and fortunately our boys are in a cabin with good leaders. These girls allow the kids to play with a ball, or frisbee, and laugh and be kids, but I saw other youth leaders there who were just as bad as the director. With all that they do not allow, it absolutely infuriates me that they DO allow the kids to smoke and drink.

I was unaware of how little the kids were permitted to do and brought with me a soccer ball and frisbee. Of course, within minutes we had lots of kids around us and I was feeding them all and talking to them all and playing with them all. And then, like a wildfire, word that the director was on her way spread and the children fled. She took away a ball from them and yelled at them for playing. She yelled at Yana and me for playing with them and for allowing them to be loud (honestly, I thought they were so subdued, the word loud never even entered my thoughts). She wanted to take away the frisbee and ball that I brought, but I took it from the kids before she could get to them so that she would have had to have taken them away from me.

After she had left, the kids slowly came out again and we started playing again, much more cautiously this time. I couldn't wait to leave. When it was time to leave, I didn't want to leave. I couldn't imagine leaving even one of them there. The thought that they have to stay there, that they have to go back next year, that they have to live in an institution, that only 1% of these kids will ever even be able to find a job , that only 10% will survie past the age of thirty is overwhelming.

Victoria, this picture is for you. Masha says to tell you hello. She is so sweet and looked so pretty. The rest of the pictures have captions underneath them and most were taken by the kids (except this one of Masha).

I used to wonder why they didn't ever smile. Now I wonder how in the world they can.

It is so sweet and heart breaking at the same time watching these young girls take care of each other and the other little girls. They do their hair, take care of them if they are hurt, all things that they should be learning to do, not doing because no one else will. All the kids do this. The older boys take care of the younger kids to. Not all the older kids are nice like this, but many of them are.

BoyTwo with his friend Slavic. They are blowing bubbles. Somehow, BoyTwo made it into the cabin with BoyOne and all the older kids. Thank you to his brother for making that happen, and to their youth leaders for allowing it.

Good group of kids. Really good.

These two are so funny. They stayed with us the whole time (except for the short time everyone went into hiding). Renee, the one in the gray says hello to you and Myck.

The girl in the red shirt is one of the good youth leaders, the girl in pink is Dasha and she says to tell Nan's Ashley hi. I had a picture of her alone, but it got erased. She hung out with us at Matviivka on the previous trip. I like her. The next girl is the boys' other youth leader who is good. I know it looks like I'm randomly giving BoyTwo bunny ears, but if you look really closely, you'll see he was giving me bunny ears, too. (I'm not sure what's up with the bunny teeth I'm doing...) And, then, the beautiful Yana.

The two amazing, remarkable youth leaders planning a program for their kids. They are great.

Look!! It's Olga, the soccer coach. I was so, so happy to see her! She is a truly good person. I was so glad that she was one of the caregivers there right now. The caregivers take turns staying at the camp. Two of them go for ten days and then two new ones come. Thank heavens that these kids have Olga there right now. It is truly amazing that there are good people to take care of these kids. It is so completely emotionally draining. For anyone to have a position to work with these kids and to be a positive influence to them is amazing. And to do it for forty years is nothing short of a miracle.

The outside of the cabin. The sleeping quarters were decent. The kids and youth leaders take care of that.

The inside of one of the bunk rooms. I can't think of very many people back home that would be willing to sit on one of these beds, let alone sleep on one. I am so impressed with the care they give to what little personal space they have. Can you imagine the only personal space you have being a cot in a room shared with nine other people, in a cabin with thirty other people? Or an orphanage with 250+ other people??

The picture doesn't do it justice. It is much worse in real life.

Same thing with the toilets. It made the camping outhouses in the U.S. seem fabulous. Imagine what was all over the ground.

After we left the camp I asked Yana to take me to the sea. I decided that I must go there. I knew that I would never have the chance again. It was a five minute walk from the camp. This is one of the many beautiful flower gardens we passed on the way. These gardens are in the front 'yards' of all the houses in the cities I have been in. They are beautiful.

This was my first view of the Sea of Azov. Yeah, it was awesome.

This is where we changed our clothes. Most people just change right there on the beach. I saw this on the beach in Zap, too.

The sea is warm, kind of like the gulf. The sand was really pale colored and very fine. One thing that I was really surprised by was that swim suit tops are optional for girls until you have definitely hit puberty. If you have only started to develop, you still don't need a top. I must have look like a nun with my modest swim suit. Seriously, even the elderly wear string bikinis (at least they had a top on!!).

It is hard to tell, but this is a picture of sea shells. Millions of itty bitty shells cover the beach. They don't have big machines that rake the sand each night and that is the only reason I can think of for there being so many millions of shells. The beach is lined with these shells. They are piled everywhere. It was very cool.

Looking down the beach the other direction.

This is one of the more unique things I have seen. I don't live by an ocean or sea, so maybe these are common? I've never seen one on the lake we live by. Anyhow, it is a giant beach ball that is hollow in the middle. There is an opening, where the lady is holding on. You put your kids in there to haul them around. I thought it was a pretty handy little thing until she let go of it and sat on the beach. I couldn't stop watching it. I kept waiting for the waves to carry it out, but they never did. It stayed pretty close to the shore. Keep in mind that there are little children in here the whole time.

The sunflowers were in bloom. I wish I had a nice camera so that I could've taken some good pictures of these amazing fields! It was so awesome to see! Anyhow, I know it's not a great picture, but it gives you the general idea. Miles and miles and miles of bright, happy, yellow.

This is a bus stop. It is made of tiny little tiles. I think they are so cool. Because Zap is such a large city, the bus stop I waited at was not like this. It was more like a traditional bus station. Sort of.

Again, with the right camera, you could see how beautiful this is. Instead, just kind of squint your eyes at it and you'll get the idea. It was amazing.

Another sunflower field. It is seriously one of the coolest things I have ever seen.

Sunday, Monday, Days 6 and 7 of 'The Wait'

Sorry I skipped posting yesterday. First, let me comment to a few people about a few random things. For whatever reason, I can't comment on people's blogs. Sometimes, yes, mostly no.

Anne, please please please blog and make it long. I'm running out of reading material. I've already read three books.

Kels, it's still up in the air, their government is basically still thinking about things.

Kim, it IS all about the food now!

Wendy, Zap is the sixth largest city in Ukraine with about 776,000 residents as of the 2010 census. Dnipropetrovsk is the third largest with just over 1 million. So, where I am staying is (population wise) bigger than Boston (617,594), but smaller than San Jose (945,942). How bored am I that I looked that up?! So, I'm sure there is someplace around here to get a pedi, I just haven't been able to find one. And, I can totally picture Alex looking over his shoulder to you to be sure you are watching him:)

Yesterday I was so so so excited to go to church. I just couldn't even wait. One reason was because it was going to take up nearly five whole hours of my day. An almost hour walk each way, plus three hours of church. I was planning on walking really slow because the walk is really only about 45 minutes. I couldn't wait to be around other people who shared the same values and beliefs and I knew that there would be English speaking missionaries too and I will admit I was looking forward to hearing me some English!!

I ended up walking a little too slow and was a few minutes late for church. I slipped in the back and there was a seat next to a woman and her daughter. She patted the seat indicating to me that I could sit in it. I almost started crying on the spot. I had prayed to please please please not be a basket case, so I'm sure that was the only reason I held it together. Um, I have to add that when I woke up at 7:30 a.m. it was already 75 degrees with 75% humidity. I have no idea how hot it was outside by the time I got to church at ten, but I was wishing I hadn't wasted my time showering. And if I thought it was hot outside, inside was like ten degrees hotter. I sat there for about ten seconds before I couldn't handle it any longer. I pulled out my passport and started fanning myself. It was the smallest thing I had in my purse.

Speaking of my purse, I had worn my flip-flops for walking and carried in my purse my zebra striped heels (love those!!) along with my scriptures, camera, passport and it was full and heavy. Somehow, though, I managed to forget to bring a water bottle. The water in Ukraine is not drinkable. So, I was a little bugged with myself for forgetting that because it meant I had to wait five hours to drink anything. sigh. Oh well.

Okay. Back to church. Obviously, I could understand very little of what was being said, but thank goodness the Spirit speaks a universal language! The little girl who I sat by, I actually shared my chair with. She was darling!! If I wasn't afraid of being thrown in jail, I would've picked her up and hugged her and squeezed her little cheeks and played with her for, like, the whole three hours. Can you tell I miss my kids?! But I refrained. At least I had a little friend. A blessing from Heavenly Father. He knew I needed a tiny little hand to hold:)

For the second hour, Sunday School, I found one of the missionaries to translate for me. He is from Sandy. Small world. First thing I was asked was if I could play the piano. They have a piano, but nobody can play. How I wished I could still play. New goal: make time to practice piano. While we were waiting for the lesson to start, two young men walked in and sat next to me. Now, I am ashamed to admit this, but when I saw them when I first came in, they were sitting on the same row as an older gentleman, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt (only about 2/3 the congregation were dressed in the typical 'Sunday best' attire). One of these guys had head phones hanging around his neck. My first thought was that their father, the older gentleman I assumed, had made them come and that they must respect him a lot because they were obviously old enough to be on their own, but they were still there. I immediately hoped/prayed that we'd be able to help our boys learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ and that they would willingly attend church with us. So, when these guys walked in and sat next to me and not by the older man, I said hello to them in Russian. They of course could tell I was American and surprisingly, they spoke pretty decent English. I began to chat with them and found out that they actually live in Kyiv and had been camping in Crimea for the weekend. They had a TEN HOUR bus ride ahead of them. Doesn't that sound lovely?! They asked where I was from, why I was in Zap and about my family. Then the lesson began and we quieted down. The lesson was taught by a feisty older lady. I love women that speak straightforward and that don't singsong their words. Oh man, that drives me nuts. You know what I'm talking about. During conference when all those women speakers get up and talk like they are speaking to a two year old and sound like they are semi-singing? Can't stand it. I wait to read their talks later. It is that bad for me. Sorry. Anyhow, this lady was not like that and I enjoyed her lesson. Enough that I even commented. Surprise. After my comment she said, 'Spaciba!' and I said, 'pazhalsta!' and everybody thought that was pretty funny. So, back to these guys that were sitting next to me that I judged so quickly. They also participated in the lesson and boy did they know their stuff. We were studying in the New Testament in Luke (by the way, I know I've said this before but I am so glad I can read cyrillic!!! I was able to follow along with the lesson and read in the Russian scriptures and sing the hymns. I had no idea what I was saying/reading, but I felt in the loop) and they were way familiar with what we were talking about. My perception of them had changed when I began talking to them, and I was only more impressed with them as time passed. Here are two young men, probably in their early twenties, who have gone on a little camping trip for the weekend and are on their way back to Kyiv (the bus ride from Zap to Kyiv is ten hours, I bet it is close to that from Crimea to Zap) and they took the time to find out when church was, get off the bus, find the building, attend church, and then get back on the bus to get home! Can't say that I'd have done the same thing. I was so touched that the gospel was important enough to them that they took that detour to attend church. Amazing! One thing that we talked about was Luke 22:40 where Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane with his disciples and he asks them to wait for him and to pray. Then, they all fall asleep. The teacher brought up the fact that the records for the church indicate that there are over 200 members in Zap, but there were only 38 there today. She asked some great questions. Where were the others? Had they 'fallen asleep'? What are we doing so that we don't spiritually 'fall asleep' and fall into temptation? Do we ever 'fall asleep' when the Lord asks us to do something and miss out on an opportunity to serve, to learn, to be taught? It was great. I love lessons that get me thinking and reexamining my life.

After Sunday School the young men left, they had to catch the bus. I went to Relief Society (like Sunday School, but for women over the age of 18). It was great. The missionary that translated for me this time was from Moscow, and she spoke English. (Can I just tell you how ignorant I feel being over here where so many people speak more than one language and then here I am, only English!! We live in one of the most advanced, greatest democracies in the world, yet I haven't taken the opportunity of learning another language. eye roll.) The lesson was great, the women were great.

There are only two youth in the entire branch, two young women who looked to be about fiffteen. There were only 5 kids under the age of twelve. And only three of them were there. We are so blessed to live where there are so many people who believe the same things we do. It's hard to imagine, because even though there are many different Christian religions in the U.S., we all still believe in Jesus Christ and his Atonement and role as our Savior. Here, that is just not a common belief and to be one of the few Christian people here that have this knowledge and are willing to live it, well, that just amazes me. It's exciting too, to think of all the people there are out there who have yet to hear the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and to know what a huge impact that one belief, that one piece of knowledge, will have on everyone.

Anyhow, you'd think I'd have been so overjoyed after church, and I was feeling pretty spiritually uplifted, but when I got back to my apartment I was so homesick. I just wanted to take a bath and cry like a baby. So, instead I took a nap:) And when I woke up I felt much better. I made myself some spaghetti with vegetable sauce. I'm pretty sure Huz and the kids just threw up when they heard that. For dessert I made myself a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup shake. So, I had brought with me two king size packages of Reeses Cups to give to Yana because she loves ice cream and all things sweet just as much as I do, but I keep forgetting to give them to her and I did a really good job not eating them for a week, but I caved and opened one of the packages. Sorry Yana.

This morning I went to the vegetable stand by my apartment and bought myself one kilogram of fresh pomodores (how random is it that they have this latin based word for this one vegetable. At least I assume it's latin based. so, it's a tomato) and one kilogram of ahgooreets (cucumbers). They say kilogram not at all like I would have guessed. It is pronounced sort of like 'clawgrum'. Then, I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things to take with me when I go to visit the boys tomorrow. I also bought myself some mozzerella, more pomegranate juice, and a loaf of bread. And, here comes today's highlight. I think the Lord knew I needed someone to be nice to me. It's not that people are mean, they just aren't anything. Everyone walks around expressionless, paying no attention to anyone else around them. It is so weird to me. So, I'm picking out a loaf of bread and a woman comes up to me and shakes her head no. For a minute, I thought maybe we weren't supposed to get our own bread (they have some weird food rules here) and then she started speaking in Russian. I couldn't understand what she was saying, only that she wanted me to put my bread back so I told her I didn't understand her and that I don't speak Russian (all in Russian:)) and she reaches over and squeezes my loaf of bread and makes a face like 'it's not too bad' and then points over to a rack that is set off to the side full of bread and nods her head like, 'oh yeah! there's the good stuff.' Then she hands me a bag and SMILES AT ME! I could've hugged her. And I must say, she was right! That bread is really good! Another blessing from above, silly as it sounds, was a car stopping for me at a crosswalk. That just absolutely never happens. I have never seen a car stop for anyone. They even honk at old ladies! And, last but not least, the old man at the vegetable stand waves hello to me now and the clerk inside the convenience store where I buy my popsicles recognizes me and greets me when I walk in. When she said hello to me today and tried to speak English to me, I almost jumped over the counter to give her a hug.

For lunch today I had fresh bread with butter on one side that I toasted on the stove with slices of tomatoes on top and then slices of mozerella on the tomatoes. For my side dish, I had sliced cucumbers and tomatoes. It was so good. So good in fact that I had the exact same thing for dinner. Now I know Huz is gagging.

I also went for a really long walk tonight. I wanted to see the sun set because I just knew it would be so beautiful by the river, so I made sure I was close enough to home by 8 and just kind of walked around the immediate area to see when the sunset began and timed how long from then until dark so that I can go to the beach another day for the sunset and still be back before it is too dark. So, I saw the sunset over the Amstor, which is probably not the best setting ever, but I was right. The sunset was beautiful. Even over the Amstor. I can't wait to see it tomorrow.

Well, I'm super excited to see the boys tomorrow. And to see all the sunflowers on the way, hopefully in bloom!!

And now, for the pictures. Captions underneath.

I really, really love that there is a Tide box hanging out of the building. It's so appropriate that it is there. You come to church to learn about Christ and his Atonement that will 'cleanse' us, and Tide is a physical cleanser. Plus, it makes it easy to find the church.

Vegetable spaghetti. I had to just have water, I had run out of my pomegranate juice.

Todays lunch and dinner. It kind of looks like there are big blobs of mayo or something on the tomatoes, but it's mozzerella. And it was really good.

This is the puzzle I finally got desperate enough to start on.

And that's what I have left. I guess I'm not quite that desperate yet...

I saved the best for last. Isn't it beautiful?! Even over the Amstor? It almost looks like the parking lot is the river, but it isn't. Hopefully I'll have a sunset by the river picture soon. I love love love the sunset. That is the something that we don't get in my little mountain town. The mountains block it every night. Back at our other house we had the most beautiful, amazing sunsets every. single. night. And I loved them every single night. And now I miss them. It was great to see this tonight. Another tender mercy from the Lord:)

I Think It's Saturday...

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to video call my family... only Huz hadn't checked his email so he didn't know about this, so we didn't end up skyping. I could've stayed up to go running, but I didn't go to bed until 3, so I was sleepy. I put my tired self back to bed and slept for two more hours when my skypephone rang. It was Huz:) Girlies were all sleeping though, so I didn't get to see them. So! This is really exciting! Somehow, a true miracle, my webcam decided to start working. Whaddayaknow?! I don't know how it happened, chalking it up as a true, real life miracle.

Today was pretty uneventful. Okay, really uneventful:) After skyping with Huz, I was ready to be awake. It seemed awfully dark still, though. When I looked out the window I saw that the weather had decided for me that I wouldn't be running this morning. It was raining. So, I did what any person who doesn't have little kids around them would do, and I ate three pieces of chocolate and went back to bed. sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

I woke up to a weird tapping noise outside my window. As I groggily tried to pry my eyelids open, I realized that the room was going dark, then light, then dark, then light. Oh goody!!! A mystery:) It's too bad that I'm such a good detective, because this mystery took all of 7 seconds to solve. My upstairs neighbor was shaking her very long rug out her window and it was hitting my window (the tapping noise). When it would get dark, her very long rug was covering part of my window, when it would get light, she would be raising the rug up. Honestly, it was a little weird for a couple reasons. 1) she 'shook' her rug for a really really long time. We're talkin' ten minutes, 2) she wasn't actually shaking it, it was this weird repetitious up down wiggle motion, and 3) it was a really long rug. Long enough to hang out her window and half way down mine.

I stumbled out of bed as one does when they have had too much sleep. It was still dark and off and on rainy. I decided that running was not going to be happening today. The rain never stopped for more than a few minutes and it takes me fifteen minutes to get to the track, then I still have to run, and then another fifteen minutes to get home. Now, sometimes when it would start to rain, it was just a little drizzle. Sometimes, though, it was a down pour. I didn't want to get stuck in the down pour.

So, instead I got ready for the day and decided I would go to the bookstore and then to get some other groceries. I was really looking forward to some fresh vegetable from the vegetable stand by my house today, but it was not open. I'm guessing because of the weather.

I am really grateful that I learned the cyrillic alphabet before I came here. I hung out at the bookstore for forty minutes checking out books and trying to read them (as in sound out the words). It was nice to have something to do. Knowing how to read Russian has saved me, even though my comprehension is way low and my ability to speak it is very minimal, it has really come in handy. Like when I sort of got lost the other night and it was dark and I had to get ahold of Yana, I could read the street sign to tell her where I was, but then I realized where I was and just booked it home. Yana, I promise I won't stay out so late again.

At the grocery store, I decided to by some frozen vegetables (since fresh was out due to the local veggie stand being closed), ice cream (it comes in a BAG!!!), a darling little two pack of oreo cookies, a jug of milk, a bottled water, an oatmeal packet, a green apple (all the red ones were pretty hammered), 2 croissants, and another pastry thing that looked good (but unfortunately was not).

The veggies I ate for dinner with some dirty salt. Dirty salt, evidently, is salt that has not been purified, in other words, not iodized. Hopefully though, it's not really dirty and I wake up in the morning. I'm not much for salt usuall. In fact we haven't ever bought salt ever since the first little blue canister we bought when we got married THIRTEEN years ago. But, I forgot to buy butter for my veggies. They were still good without the butter, but then I saw the dirty salt and thought, why not? Glad that I did. It was way better than table salt. And I only needed a tiny little pinch of it for the entire bowl. And I KNOW you know what I did with the ice cream and oreos. Oh yeah! Good stuff. You can take the girl away from her ice cream, but you can't take the ice cream away from the girl. You better believe that ice cream was the first word I learned in Russian.

Above is a picture of my dinner. I honestly don't think you care, but there is nothing else to take a picture of, and if there's anything worse than a post with a picture of my dinner, it's a post without a picture at all!

Look at that cute little package. Seriously. There are two oreos in there. And that is why the American population struggles with obesity. You would never be able to find anything with that small of a portion back home.


That's my homemade blizzard. It was yummy.



So, here are a few things that I keep forgetting to mention, in no particular order:



*while we were waiting for court to start, I had my legs crossed and was swinging my leg that was on top. BoyTwo came over to me and asked me to please stop moving my legs because it is considered bad luck. I thought it was so cute that he was hoping we would have good luck. I can't wait to see him again!! At the book store tonight I was scoping out some little kid fairy tale books (he said he likes fairy tales). I'm going to buy one and practice reading it in Russian so that when I see him I can hold him on my lap and read him a story. The kid needs his mom. And the mom needs her kid.



*Yesterday after I bought my popsicle, while I was still inside the little store, I saw an elderly man outside fall down. There were several people around him. Nobody moved to help the poor guy. So, I went out there and offered him my hand. I thought I could just kind of give him a little help up pull. Unfortunately, he was way too unstable for just a hand so I had to help him up from under his armpits. He was all spaciba-ing me (thank you) and all I could think was what would have happened to him on any other day of the week? Why did nobody else help him? Seriously nobody even bat an eyelash. It really bothered me.



*I found a recipe for vareniki that looks fairly good and fairly easy. Vareniki is BoyOne's favorite food. Basically, it's a ravioli. BoyOne's favorite kind is the one with potatoes and cheese inside. Excited to be able to try that BACK AT HOME.



*I cried the whole way TO court that morning. I'm pretty sure that nobody knew, I kept that one on the down low. All I could think was that my gain was somebody else's loss. It was breaking my heart to know that she was going to miss out on so much. It was breaking my heart to know that she had already missed out on so much, and at the boys expense.



*A lady I sort of know of through blogging (how exactly does that work? Obviously I don't know her, but we have communicated a little and I follow her blog so I feel like I sort of know her, but I don't really...) is in Ukraine right now. Her ten day wait is over and she is picking up her kids. Yippee!! Congrats to her and her darling family!! I was laughing my head off reading her blog about her adventures, how her new children have their new birth certificates stating that she and her husband are their parents and that she gave birth to them, in Ukraine. Then, I read the part where she was watching the two of them do something and the kids kept checking to make sure she was watching. She commented how sad it was that they had never had anyone watch them do anything, how no one had ever delighted in them and I started bawling like a baby. (I feel so emotionally unstable here! I'm truly hoping it is just the lack of my thyroid medicine...) How truly devastating and tragic that there are so many who have not a person on this earth that watches them and delights in them. Of course I'm thinking of our boys, and feeling so grateful to have them in my life now, my daughters (I am so grateful to be their mom and to be able to delight in them and to have had them their whole lives), the old man that was unnoticed in his need, the lonely babushkas that spend their days on benches and at vegetable stands just watching life happen around them, and all the countless people that fill this earth. How does this happen?!



I keep thinking how this life is a testing period, a time of refinement for us all to prepare to be with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I keep thinking about how we all want to do the right things, be in the right places, and do unto others... But then I wonder how often we miss the whole point and pass the old man that just fell down, or don't visit with the old babushkas who sit with their eyes empty each day. I wonder what things I'm missing back home. I know that it's the little things that will take us to Christ. It's just so much easier to see and do the big things, right? It's obvious that we should be chaste and virtuous. Of course we should attend church and learn the scriptures. I just don't think those are the things that will see us to Heaven. Don't get me wrong. I believe with all of my heart that these things are important. Extremely important. I just think they are the things that help us to undersand and teach us WHAT else we need to do. I hope that I will be blessed to see the little things because I believe they are truly the things that matter.



"It is not so much the major events as the small day-to-day decisions that map the course of our living." President Gordon B. Hinckley