IEP/504 Information for ELL parents

**If you don't have an ELL student, you may get really, really bored reading this. If you do have an ELL student, you still may get really, really bored reading this. If you suspect your ELL student has a learning disability and/or you are not getting the services you feel you are entitled to, push through. It may help. May, being the key word. :)

I have been having a problem that many of my fellow adoptive parents have. We are told that our ELL/ESL students do not qualify for special services while under the ELL/ESL umbrella. I even remember reading this in the paperwork that I received upon enrolling the boys in school.

Another blogger, viaukraine.com, just posted about trying to get her son who has been home for five months tested for a learning disability and offered some advice. She doesn't live in our state, but it motivated me to spend a few hours doing some web searching and it was worth it. One difference I have found between her state and ours is that our state has thirty days to begin testing after said testing has been approved. And that can be a fight in and of itself. Her state must begin testing within thirty days of being requested. I'll work on figuring out how to get that testing approved, as that has been my biggest struggle in the past (and currently for that matter although this time around with Three hasn't been so bad as with Two in our previous district).

For my Utah specific friends, we are in the Weber district, and after googl-ing 'esl weber school district', I was able to pull up a power point for the ESL Curriculum. On page 5 it reads,

'If an ESL student does not progress, the referral process may be started for resource testing. Please see the ESL facilitator and resource department to begin the process. A student may receive ESL and resource services simultaneously, if indicated by the IEP.'

Hello?! Golden.

I also re-read the information I had received that qualifies (or not) a student for special services. Here's what I have read before, but that now takes on new meaning:

'A student must not be determined to be a student with a disability if the determinant factor is:

1) lack of appropriate instruction in reading, including the essential components of reading instruction (phonemic awareness, alphabetic principle, vocabulary, comprehension, and fluency);

2) lack of appropriate instruction in math; or

3) limited English proficiency.

I read this with new eyes. The current school district would have to say that they are not providing 'appropriate instruction' in all of those areas. It does not say that a student must not be determined to be a student with a disability if they at one time (read: while in Ukraine) had lack of appropriate instruction. The child would also have to not be understanding what is being said to disqualify under the 'limited English proficiency.' This means if they understand the teacher, but do not understand the concept, they qualify. Not that it's going to be that easy to get the paperwork to prove, but press on. It could become easy if you then start in on how the ELL program is failing miserably thus providing inadequate opportunity for learning. Either way, if they don't agree, they are admitting to failing substantially in an area where they are required by law to provide adequate and appropriate instruction... Follow?

It further reads:

'The IEP must include: g. consideration of special factors as follows: 1) in the case of a student with limited English proficiency, consider the language needs of the student as those needs relate to the student's IEP.'

This right here says that students with limited English proficiency are eligible for an IEP. Why else would they include this provision, were it not so.

Specifically look up your school district's special education policies and procedures. By law, this is public information and should be readily available to anyone who wants access. If you can't find it online, drop by the district offices and request your free copy:). It is long, but you need to read through it and find your 'loophole'.

Utah friends, go to: idea.ed.gov/

select part B,

under 'browse major topics' select 'identification of specific learning disabilities'

read 3, like the whole thing.

Determine which area your child has difficulties in.

This is the tough one. Determine why this is not due to limited English proficiency. If your kid has tested out of ELL, there's your ticket.

If you are looking for proof that your child's underachievement is not due to lack of appropriate instruction, go to his/her teacher. They should be more than happy to provide you with proof that they have been providing adequate and appropriate instruction, right?!

There's also a part where it reads: 'the child exhibits a pattern of strengths and weaknesses in performance, achievement, or both, relative to age, state-approved grade level standards, or intellectual development...'

This is what has helped us document the need for Three to receive testing for special services regarding her possible (here comes the bad word) dyslexia. She demonstrated an inconsistent pattern of knowledge. You know all those annoying charts they give you at all the conferences? A zig-zag pattern is generally not great. There should be an incline... And the incline needs to be appropriately inclining!

I hope this helps somebody. If not, at least I will be able to find all the stuff I just spent the past few hours reading so that I can use it at my school.

Also, Nan if you are reading this, I read the entire Davis district special ed policy and procedure handbook and it said in there that an ELL student is supposed to have one half an hour minimum with the language computer program and also specialized instruction with a trained individual. While it does specify that they are an 'immersion based' learning program, they also specified adequate and appropriate individualized training for language acquisition. Find that paragraph, print it off, highlight it and put it in your principal and superintendent's mailbox for your elementary student. They are messing with you big time. Jami, I'd be willing to bet you are in the same situation given that your district keeps pulling the 'we are an immersion based' language learning program.

$20

BoyOne's latest is to surprise me by unloading the dishwasher for me and then reloading it. I think it's so cute, a work in progress for sure, but so, so sweet!

This entire week at school Three and BoyTwo's class is celebrating Dr. Seuss' birthday. They look so cute and innocent...

*******

At dinner we do favorite parts of the day, which often turns in to a play by play of each person's day, but hey, it keeps the conversation going. Last night BoyTwo's favorite part of the day (and we actually enforced the singular form of this with the kids last night due to lack of time) was playing paper dolls with his sisters. How cute is that? :) They cut out all the pictures of dolls out of the AmericanGirl doll catalog that comes in the mail. Then they name them, play with them for days and leave all their paper scraps all over the floor...

Next up are the pictures to which this post is dedicated. Four is in a dance class. It is my favorite part of the week, hands down. It is also the best twenty bucks I spend each month. I have all of the other kids with me during this time, except BoyOne who is still in school. I leave them in the car watching a movie (it's at a lady's house and so far BoyTwo hasn't tried to hijack the car...) while I watch the 40 minute class. Twenty bucks is a steal of a deal for a dance class, energy burner for her, and bucket filler for me! I'll try to figure out how to post a video clip. It's so great.

p.s. all four of my daughters have worn this leotard, which was a hand me down from a former gymnastics coach whose two daughters also wore it, so that's a fun little extra

The girl can move.

Girls, Again

This morning I noticed that BoyOne was a little subdued. Now, neither of us are morning people, so this isn't terribly unusual, but my 'motherly senses' told me this was something a little more. I asked if he was okay and he said yes, so I dropped it. After all, there's nothing more annoying than everything being fine and someone insisting to you that they think everything is not fine...

He asked me to drive him to the bus stop (which is actually quite a hike) because it is snowing. His friend Kyler climbed in with us while we waited for the bus. Right as we saw the bus approaching, BoyOne said,

'_______ no like me.' Only he said the name of a specific girl who I know he likes.

Because I'm his mom and because I truly believe this, I said,

'Everybody likes you!'

He answered back,

'No, yesterday I say to Girl, 'you like me?' and she no talk back.'

And then I was ticked. Not at the girl for not answering him back, but at another girl who I know. This second girl is a bit of a turd. He told me at the end of last week that she had told him that he should tell this girl that he likes her. I was suspicious that she was trying to put him in a position where she could laugh at him, but he insisted that she was a nice girl, his friend. Anyhow, so he took her advice and told this girl that he liked her. And she didn't say anything back. I am irritated with that other girl because now I'm pretty sure that she was not trying to give him friendly advice.

I was glad he told me what was bugging him and I'm glad to know that his friend knows, too. He has really good friends. I hope his day at school is good and that this doesn't bring him down too much. If I remember right from my days of awesomeness in middle school, it's not necessarily a specific event that is haunting, but the day of embarrassment that follows...

Sunday's Inspiration

Sunday I was privileged to attend a meeting and hear a fabulous speaker, Doug Nielsen, deliver a fabulous message. One that I needed to hear. One that gave me a renewed sense of self, of God and strength to do and be what my Heavenly Father needs me to do/be.

Doug spoke of a time he was in Belize and he wanted to buy a souvenir to remember his time there by. He approached a beach vendor and asked for a recommendation of his wares. For $50 he got a piece of wood and a lesson on life. :)

As part of the sales pitch(?) the man asked Doug to put his hand on his chest, over his heart.

'Can you feel that?' he asked.

'Yes,' said Doug.

'What is that?' he asked.

Not sure if this was a trick question or not, Doug answered, 'My heart?'

'That's right, man. It is your heart. What is it doing?' he answered.

'Beating?' said Doug, unsure of where this was all going, after all he really just wanted a souvenir.

'That's right, man. Your heart is beating for a reason. Go and find out why.'

love. it. I forget that my heart is not beating so I can roam the halls of the elementary school and attend first grade part time. I forget that my heart is not beating so I can spend hours and hours doing laundry that never ends and homework that is never finished. I forget the real reason why my heart is beating. A lot. I even gave a lesson on this during church today. Obviously, it is something that I really need to hear over and over to keep me on track and to keep me going. My heart is beating because my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are trying to build a relationship with me. They are giving me many opportunities every single day to come to them, to get to know them and to truly utilize the gift of the Atonement. My heart is beating so that I can come to know my Savior. My heart is beating so that I can begin to understand the love my Father in Heaven has for me. My heart is beating so that I can learn to love like They love, serve as They serve, give as They give, and experience the mercy that They offer me.

A couple other things that this rastafarian man said to Doug that really have me thinking are:

'Hell will be meeting the person you could have become.'

This is one that I think about a lot. I don't want to merely have a good life (although I believe that is certain to happen), I want to BE a good life. I fear that I may disappoint my Maker by simply existing and not enhancing the world and lives around me.

and last, but certainly not least,

'I fear that you forget that you are one of God's beautiful creations.'

Funny, I gave a talk on this recently, too. I'm often asked to teach or talk on topics that I am experiencing at the very moment of said assignment. I don't feel very 'divine' or like a 'beautiful creation' much these days. It doesn't help that I don't get enough sleep, don't shower every day and that I'm gaining weight, but these aren't the things that I'm worried about or that make me feel like less of a 'beautiful creation'. (okay, well, a little. The weight thing bugs with summer approaching.) My biggest problem is that I am so caught up in my very own mundane, daily episode of Survivor, that I miss the beauty of what is going on around me. I forget to be grateful for the small and simple things in life. I forget that in this 'dark room' a really beautiful picture is being is being developed. I need to try to eagerly anticipate the development of that picture and enjoy (or at least be amazed by) the process of the negative that is being developed.

Anyhow, thank you Doug. Thank you rasta man from Belize. And thank you Heavenly Father for orchestrating all of that four years ago so that Doug could tell me about this yesterday when I really needed it.

Girls

Well, friends, it would appear that BoyTwo 'big I likes' girls right now.

Thursday at school he kissed a girl. Granted it was only a cheek kiss (thank the heavens), but he was in trouble for doing it. Kissing is not allowed at school. On the home front, we're not okay with it either. I know that lots of kids kiss or get kissed in their early education years, but lots of kids weren't neglected as babies and lots of kids didn't live in orphanages half their life. That being said, I wouldn't be happy if one of my biological kids had done this or had had this done to them.

It's first grade for Pete's sake!! If we're kissing now, what does that leave for us to do in the future?! Don't tell me I'm being dramatic, I already know this.

After all he has had to say the past few days about girls, I could just see where this was heading with him. Made me pretty excited to get up Friday morning.

I spent all of Friday morning at the school. Originally I had gone to 'volunteer.' As I walked in, BoyTwo was being escorted into his classroom by another teacher. The teacher assured me he was not in trouble, but that she was taking a preventative measure by having him take something back to his desk that he shouldn't have with him. It was a pin. Like the kind with the big round face on it that has a design, or in this case, an inappropriate picture of a scantily clad woman on it.

I followed him into the classroom.

'Give me the pin.'

'I no this pin. I no have this. What is this pin?' said Mr. Pretend I Don't Know What She Is Talking About and Maybe She'll Let It Go.

Not a chance.

'BoyTwo. Give me the pin now,' I said.

He hesitated.

'Now,' I said again and he knew I meant business and he retrieved the pin for me.

After picking my jaw up off of the floor when I actually saw the pin, I asked him where he had found this.

He had found it at home. It had been attached to his brother's snow pants. Evidently they were handing these tokens of awesomeness out at the Dew Tour. So much for the family friendly atmosphere they advertise. I will be writing a letter.

BoyTwo was so relieved to not be in further trouble for the inappropriate pin (mixed feelings here. He knows he should not take anything to school with him. It is a rule. I personally hand his back pack to him each morning. I check his pockets frequently. The kid just doesn't have enough good sense to make good decisions so he is just not allowed to take ANYTHING with him to school. Remember the screw driver he took with him to use as a weapon? Yeah. Other problem. Although the pin was not his and he knew he should not have it at school, he also knew he should not have it because of the picture on it. Old habits die hard. Yes, you wouldn't believe the things this little 7 year old has seen.). I told him that he is not allowed to take things to school and that he would need a time out for lying to me, which he took. I then told him that this picture was not a good picture because it was not modest and we need to protect our bodies and respect them and we need to respect other people's bodies too. Modesty is a huge topic at our house right now. With the boys. I always assumed I would have modesty issues with my daughters as they got older. Who would have ever thought the boys would be the ones to break me in.

After his five minute time out, he skipped merrily out to recess. Five minutes later he was back in for tying up this girl that he kissed yesterday. He claims he was playing police and tying her up to be in charge of her. Now, when I told this to Huz, he didn't really think it was that big of a deal initially. We all played good guys, bad guys in elementary right? You know where you try to capture each other and put each other 'in jail'. Well, the problem is that usually you are all playing together, with more than one other person and the people you are playing with want to play this game. Also, we never physically restrained anyone. It was all pretend.

Good hell, BoyTwo. The child has zero good sense.

Also he hugs everyone. Anyone. At first I let him hug his teacher. She is a huge positive role in his life and honestly, most days I want to hug her too. He will hug the delivery man, the lady at the check out counter at the store, any adult that he sees he wants to hug. This also must end. He is doing the thing that we have all read about where he has no boundaries and will approach anyone anywhere...

We have had to give him a new rule. He is not allowed to touch people. Period. That eliminates a lot of potential problems right there. I'm a little bugged with myself that I did not think of this rule 5 months ago. It could have possibly eliminated ALL of our problems!! With one rule. Why didn't I think of this?!

So, aside from that, the end of the week was relatively uneventful.

p.s. he truly thought our suburban was a transformer. for reals. he was suuuuuper bummed to learn that it is not. this is what i am talking about. his reality is so messed up.

BoyTwo's Aspirations

I totally forgot to mention the highlight of the day! I stopped at the store to buy some chicken so that I could make dinner. My cards were declined. Come to find out, our accounts have been stolen yet again (this also happened nine months ago, two days before we were to leave the country for three weeks). Accounts are now frozen pending new cards and pins. Seriously.

As I was driving in the car today with BoyTwo as my only captive, I mean passenger, he was telling me all on his own about what he wants to do and be when he grows up. Now, honestly, I'm not sure why this is unsettling to me because it's pretty much spot on with what I anticipated. I also know that kids tend to have odd visions of their futures and that they usually/hopefully outgrow them.

Example 1: I have a girlfriend whose little boy told her one day that he wanted to grow up and be a bad guy. hahaha. This still makes me laugh. This boy is not a grown up yet, but is growing up into a very wonderful young man who is smart and talented and is most definitely not going to be a bad guy.

Example 2: A fellow adoptive mother has shared how her son hoped to be a taxi driver some day. This, too makes me laugh. I'm not sure of his hopes or dreams to date, but I'm pretty sure he's abandoned his desire to answer to 'Cabby!'

(Thanks in advance to Jodi and Wendy for letting me share their sons former dreams:))

And without further ado, our car conversation:

him: 'Mom, when BoyTwo big, me big (indicates growing taller with his hand) and me this (indicates big muscles with his hand).'

me, pretty absentmindedly: 'mmhhmm. You are going to be big someday and you are very strong.'

him: 'Mom, when BoyTwo big, me big I like girls.'

me suddenly more attentive, very grateful that we haven't had to deal with this yet in addition to everything else: 'yes, it's good to have lots of friends. Girls and boys.'

him: 'Me no I like boys. Me big I like girls. Me no kiss boys (me phew!) Me kiss girls.' giggle

me: 'You can kiss girls when you are 90.' knowing full well that the idea of not having a girlfriend until he is older is lost on him, at least right now.

him: 'Me I like tattoo. Me I like girl, I say hmmmm (acting like he is checkin' out a girl). Me tattoo (pointing to scrawny arm where bicep will someday be) here. Tattoo girl I like and heart and name.'

me: 'Maybe no girl tattoo. What if BoyTwo big, big likes a girl and then gets a tattoo. And tomorrow BoyTwo no I like girl. This is not good because tattoo is still there. Ought oh!'

this he actually understood and thought was funny. And by understood, I simply mean he understood what I was saying not that he understood and grasped the concept of the message. Not sure about that.

him: 'Me big I like tattoo girl. Girl big I like tattoos. BoyTwo tattoo and (again indicates growing taller and having big muscles) and me hit people and bleed and girls big I like BoyTwo.'

Yes, he thinks that if he gets a tattoo and beats people up girls will like him. Ukraine, you rock. (In all fairness this is not relative to all of Ukraine, just the part that he knows.) Not only does he think this, he wants this. Earlier today he was telling his brother that he didn't want to be smart and learn math because he would just steal things and hurt people. His brother was disgusted with this rationale and, in a lot of loud and fast Russian, let him know it.

me: 'BoyTwo, remember when you hit and kick and punch and choke _________? (insert name of boy whom he beat)'

nods head in the affirmative

me: 'remember (I name about ten girls that are in his class who is friends with) big, big, big cry and big, big, big scared of BoyTwo? Remember they do not want to play with BoyTwo? Remember girls big, big scared of you?'

him, sounding annoyed/disappointed/frustrated: 'yes'

me: 'Girls no like boys who hit and kick and punch and choke. Girls big I like boys who are nice and kind and smart and'

him, interrupting me: 'gentle'

me: 'yes! Good job! Girls like to feel safe and not scared. They like to have friends who are nice and kind and smart and gentle and no hurting people.'

him, in whiny voice: 'who is this smart. I no like this smart. Why girls big I like?'

Me, laughing to myself but not aloud: 'BoyTwo is smart. Girls like boys who think. They like to talk to boys about things that they know and they like boys who are smart. BoyTwo is smart.'

him: 'I no like this smart. BoyTwo big I like (again, the height, big muscles) and tattoos and hit people and bleed.'

On the bright side, I really think that I got him thinking when I was able to use a real life, recent example of girls not liking when he beat someone up. So, maybe there is a positive note in all of this. And yes, sometimes I start to talk like him when I talk to him.

p.s. BoyOne's ELL teacher got wind that he was learning the pledge and has decided that as part of their morning routine they will stand together and say the pledge of allegiance. I love it.

President's Day

I wasn't super thrilled when I realized the kids were all going to be home from school today, (nothing like realizing that at midnight) however it ended up being a lovely day, so it's all good.

Saturday while I was at a dance practice with One, Huz took BoyOne and BoyTwo skiing. Later that night as we were having hot chocolate as a family (even though half of us shouldn't be having it), BoyTwo said something along the lines of he had already had hot chocolate today. Upon further questioning (I had always wanted to be an attorney so I should really enjoy my chance to live my dream through these experiences) we discovered at some point while skiing, BoyTwo had taken himself into the lodge and pulled a fast one on the lady working at the hot chocolate booth.

'I no my mom and dad. I no money. I big, big cold. My hands big ouch. You please me warm so I no freeze?' and he was given free hot chocolate THREE different times.

I was ticked. He seems to have adjusted enough to his new surroundings that he is willing to try to manipulate and lie and pull out all of his old tricks from Ukraine. It makes me a little nervous about how much we still have ahead of us to deal with. I wish he would adjust positively to his new life and quit gorging himself with food because he knows he'll have enough now. Or maybe he could adjust enough to his new life to know that he doesn't have to beat the crap out of anyone he sees for no apparent reason. I know he is adjusting and that it could be a long, long time before he figures any of this out, but that doesn't make me feel any better. By the way, I've tried holding him and cuddling with him when he needs some 'intervention' or 'behavior correction' to try to help him calm down or regress or bond or whatever the crap you want to call it. He does not like to be touched or held. He doesn't freak out or try to get away (well, sort of but not it the RAD sort of way, just in the little kid who wants to be wild sort of way), I can just tell he is waaaayy uncomfortable. And honestly, so am I. I really just want to spank his butt and make him mind for the love of PETE! but I know that this will not help and so I bite my tongue and put on my nice mommy face and my nice mommy voice and pray the whole time that something, anything, will help this kid. BoyOne told me BoyTwo had never been held before. I totally believe him. Sad. The kid really is lucky to be alive. He had to overcome some serious odds to get this far. He likes having his face touched a little, but that's pretty much it. That took time for him to actually like. He is required to hold my hand anytime I'm near him and we are anywhere other than home and he doesn't love that either. I originally thought it was because he thought it was too juvenile, but now I know it's the whole touch thing. siiiiiggggggghhhhhhhh.

Back to the story. What made me the most mad about the whole con artist hot chocolate incident was that as he was telling us this he was laughing about it. Showing us the sad little face he would pull and saying to us the words he would tell this lady in his sad, little, fake voice. And then he laughed about it and in English told us that he lied. And thought it was funny. Can you tell I'm most upset that he finds these things that he does wrong funny?! Yeah. Not cool.

So this weekend he worked a bunch of extra chores and I gave him a beautiful, crisp five dollar bill and then took it away from him. I told him that he had to go to the ski lodge and pay the lady back, which we did tonight. I made him tell her, in his pretty decent English, his name, that he had money, that he lied to her, that he knew what he had done was wrong and that he had worked to earn this money that he was giving her to pay her back. He apologized and was not too happy to be handing over his beautiful 5$. I hope it sunk in for more than three seconds, but I'm not really counting on it. The kicker is that he knows he shouldn't do it, but he can't help it. Literally. Cannot make himself do things differently. Cannot stop being 100% impulsive. Cannot make good decisions. About anything. Of consequence or otherwise.

Skiing today/tonight was fun. The kids all stress me out because they are so bold in the things they try to do. They think it is soooo funny that I freak out so easily. 'Watch this mom!' as they fly full speed ahead and launch their little bodies off of jumps, rails and moguls. They beg me to go on jumps and rails with them ('come on mom, you can do it!' and then as I wipe out they help me up while laughing) and I know that they do this so they can watch me squeal and panic and they think it's so funny. I remember making my mom talk to us when she was half asleep so that we could laugh at the things she said. These guys like to watch me risk my life for laughs. :)

BoyOne is having to memorize the Pledge of Allegiance for school and isn't too happy about it. Not because of what he is memorizing, but because he has to do the work. I printed off a bazillion short stories and questions to help him with comprehension this weekend. Used a ream of paper and almost all my ink. He will be so. happy. when his English teacher whips them out for him every day.

"The" Post and "The" Some Pictures

BoyTwo's newest word is 'the'. Every time he gets hooked on a new word, we hear it all. the. time. Now, the word 'the' is not really new to him, I think he has been receiving some instruction in his ELL class on how to use it, which in turn is transferring into ALWAYS using it.

During prayer: "thank you for the mom. thank you for the dad. thank you for the BoyOne. thank you for the One. thank you for the Two. thank you for the BoyTwo. thank you for the Three. Thank you for the Four. thank you for the teacher. thank you for the Vwheelbur (wilbur our rabbit). thank you for the Lady (dog). thank you for the _______. You fill in the blank. Just make sure you say 'the' before it.

or how about:

'Mom, I see the BoyTwo!' translation, Mom, watch me!

'Mom, I say you me the good day?' translation, Mom, ask me if I had a good day.

'Mom, where is the pop?' translation, where is Dad?

Oh, isn't it so cute?! I'm liking this 'the' thing a whole lot better than the 'who is this?'

I'm pretty excited to have figured out that I can email myself pictures from my cell phone and then down load them to the blog. Here are a few that I pulled from the past few months. I'll keep adding some as I find them:)

this is what BoyOne does during his English Lit class. Notice how the board says 'please don't touch or write on this board.' This is one reason why I have had the pleasure of attending junior high recently with my son.

One, Four, my sister Shalyce, Three, Two during our recent visit to her neck of the woods. She curled everybody's hair for them and they looked so cute! We hope to visit again soon.

This is Four wearing vampire teeth. The funny part of this picture is that she used dry erase marker to draw on her head and face, it is days after Halloween, and those are someone else's vampire teeth. ew. But, she is cute, so I guess it's ok.

This is Four, Two, Three, One posing as lionesses on the red rock of southern Utah.

And this one? Well, it's clear back from Halloween evening!

BoyOne (robot), Two (girl pirate), One (Hermione), Three (green witch), Four (copycat, I mean green witch), BoyOne (who knows what I'm supposed to call this but he LOVED his costume until the fake blood broke and stopped spewing)

Frustrated

**update 2**

I spoke with the school this afternoon. They have submitted a request to have her tested. They will have a meeting to determine if she qualifies for testing on Tuesday. After that, assuming she will qualify, the testing would then begin. It is my understanding that this would take appx one week. This is a LOT better than the six weeks I had been told. And when I said that she wasn't learning a whole lot while she was at school, I was not trying to bag on the school, I only meant that she struggles so much with whatever is going on that she doesn't always grasp or retain a lot of the information. Also, thanks for the comments. Jefferson, someone else actually suggested the same thing to me this afternoon and told me that they thought a university about 1 1/2 hours away has this program. And Nan, great to put a name with your face:) I didn't think to ask your name that day we met at Lagoon. I was too busy trying not to lose kids, I guess.

*** update***

I have just found out that the testing that is being done for Three to see if she in fact qualifies for more help than she is currently receiving has to 'process' for six weeks before the testing takes place. Seriously?! Six weeks?! Because I'm pretty sure that the school district would not be okay with me having her miss the next six weeks of school and basically she's not learning a whole lot while she's there, so what's the difference?

Is dyslexia a bad word?

Seriously. Every time I say it people get all weird. At school they just kind of mumble and say stuff like, 'there could be lots of things going on' or 'we have some transparencies she can use so that the words hold still'.

As I said in the last post, my insurance company is refusing coverage saying the school should diagnose based on the 'no child left behind act' which I have serious issues with, by the way.

The neuropsychologist that my insurance provider does cover for mental health problems, who I called just to see what they had to say about everything, says that the doctor is booked until, hear this, SEPTEMBER, as in 7 months away and that he doesn't often diagnose dyslexia. When I asked why, the receptionist just said that they don't see it very often.

What the crap?!

Valentine's Week

It feels like Valentine's Day was months ago. You know the days, weeks, and months that go like that:)

Monday started great! If you recall, I attended a field trip with Two all day that I had actually forgotten about and wasn't super excited about. Honestly, it was a huge blessing in disguise. I had been asked specifically by the teacher to attend as she would not be there. Well, wouldn't you know? One of the other parents in attendance has a son who was just diagnosed with dyslexia. She was a wealth of knowledge and gave me some good tips. Thank you Heavenly Father!! (by the way, working on getting an appointment with a neuropsychologist as this is the professional that officially diagnoses dyslexia. Problem now is that insurance won't cover the $2000 test citing it is supposedly covered in the 'no child left behind' act?! School says that they do not diagnose, only test to qualify a student for services to assist in making sure said child is not 'left behind.' aughhhhhh!!!) The field trip was great and I enjoyed spending time in the great outdoors herding children. It was especially good for me to see Two in a school setting outside the classroom to see how she is handling her SPD these days. Poor kid. Why do some have to struggle so much? I guess I know that answer. I just wish that every day life wasn't such a challenge for her.

After school a situation arose with BoyOne that caused us, as parents, to do a reality check. I forget that the boys haven't always been here, I mean not really, but things have been going just the way they have been going for so long, it feels like forever ago that it was any different. Anyhow, we realized that we were allowing for way too much 'slack in the leash'. No, we don't literally leash our children (although when we visit southern Utah and hike the red rocks we well may leash BoyTwo for his safety and I don't want to hear anything about it in that case), this is strictly metaphorical. Huz handled this particular situation because it was between them. This was a little hard for me because I am usually the disciplinarian in the family and it was hard for me to mind my own business. haha.

Monday led (obviously) into Tuesday and because of the previous night's events, it was pretty ugly for BoyOne. Which was unfortunate, being that it was Valentine's Day. I need to tell you how it broke my heart to watch BoyOne watching his younger siblings prepare for their class Valentine's Day parties. He will never have that. Yes, we had a family party. Yes, he bought some Valentines for a few people and passed them out. Yes, we tried to make it just as special for him as it was for the littles. But no matter what, it isn't the same. It was just one of those moments when it hit me hard that I can't take away the pain of his past or the fact that I wasn't there for it. :(

I dreaded BoyOne coming home from school Tuesday. He can be quite moody and it takes a lot out of me to deal with it. I was at the elementary (surprise!) and he got home from school about ten minutes before I arrived home. He left the house with the dog, which I wasn't super excited about. I knew he had jetted the second he saw I was gone so that he wouldn't have to see me until he wanted to. I was concerned because I was needing to leave again soon and I couldn't see where he was. He came home within about ten minutes and although he wouldn't really look at me or talk to me, I did get a grunt. He went straight up to his room (again, totally dreading this because I thought I was going to have to go get him because he was going to need to leave the house with me). As I prepared for the worst, he surprised me and headed down the stairs all on his own, carrying a Valentine for me. Long story (and post) short, he handled himself remarkably well. He interacted and played with his siblings during the afternoon hours, helped with his jobs, and was downright pleasant, although very much avoiding me. We have learned that when he is like this it is his thinking time. He goes through different phases of feeling angry then hurt, victimized, realizing what he did was wrong, feeling bad, feeling embarrassed, avoiding us while gaining courage to come to us and then in the end he comes around. Every time he goes through this process, he is more bearable during his phases. We haven't had to ask him to apologize for a long time. He comes to this on his own. Granted it may take a few days sometimes, but usually it only takes a day or so and it is his process that works for him.

By dinner time things were all good with the seven of us at home. When Huz came home, things were a little tense, but we still had a great evening together, all of us, eating our 'heart' meal. (heart shaped meatballs, heart shaped rolls, 'heart' of romaine salad, red stripey jello, and pink lemonade mixed with sprite bubbly in our mishmash of fancy stemware, followed by sugar cookies that were not dairy free, but totally worth it) Sure enough, a little later and on his own, he found Huz and apologized for what had happened.

As I watched him struggle through this all day, I noticed that he was growing up. Not just in his actions, but he is getting taller, his face is changing. It made me sad, yet again, that I had missed so much of his life.

Wednesday started out great! Until I received a few emails from teachers about BoyOne. Poor kid hasn't had the best week. But, he handled it like a champ. I had a couple of awesome friends that took my other kids for me so that I could go back to the school with BoyOne and BoyTwo (he just tagged along) to spend nearly three hours there working things out with teachers. I had to cancel my whole evening. Actually, his. He missed a soccer game and a church activity and a basketball practice. He was not happy, but again, handled it well. There were many sad tears, but no lashing out or raging. I was so proud of him. We have our work cut out for us academically. I will need to homeschool him two classes this summer and he will have to take one online course starting in a couple of weeks, but if we can get that all done then he can move on to 9th grade. Big sigh of relief from him (and me).

Today two kids were home sick and I was feeling pretty crummy myself, but my sister is in town and wanted to come ski with us, so after basketball practice for the middle girls we headed over. We had the mountain to ourselves. Seriously. There were only about ten other skiiers/snowboarders. BoyOne is a natural athlete and is working on his 180 and 360 on his snowboard off of jumps. (one of my girlfriends told me to just wait until he comes home and tells me he pulled off a back flip. I seriously CAN wait. I about pass out from anxiety when he goes off these jumps as it is) One is catching onto snowboarding, finally. She spent the first half of the season bugged that her older brother was better at it than her. She did better tonight than I've ever seen her do. She even went down some jumps without falling. Way to go toots! Two, Three and BoyTwo are maniacs. They go straight down the hill. Full speed ahead. Every once in awhile they like to give me a heart attack by flying through moguls and going off jumps. Because they are all so little, they fly. Four is finally as confident and able as she was at the end of last season which makes skiing a lot more fun and less work when we go. My sister has picked it up remarkably fast and, like before, is far braver than I. I wouldn't try the rails this time. I still have bruising from when I attempted them last time. That and I'm pretty sure I'll need to wear a depends.

So, tonight we ate dinner at 9:30 and then everybody fell into bed. Except me:) Here I sit typing, in between loads of dishes and laundry, marveling at this life of mine. There are a lot of times during the day where I feel like I'm drowning. Like there is just no way possible that I can keep up or do all that is required of me. And then we'll have a really great day or evening together. I remember that while it's nice to have clean clothes to wear, it's not totally necessary. I remember that even though I'm a stay at home mom who is never actually home, I am in the business of raising kids and if that means the house is trashed and we eat at 9:30, so be it. The progress that I see the kids each making (biological kids as well) is inspiring. Most days it is depressing because it feels like we are taking nine steps back for every one step forward. I worry that I might fail them as their mom, the one person who is supposed to advocate for them and make sure they get as fair a shot as possible at life through the things I teach them. But, after a week like this, that has been really, really rough? I honestly see the beauty of the progress in it. It's like the harder it is to get through a situation, the more I appreciate the little victories. The one thing that really keeps me going (besides the good people I am surrounded by) is the Lord being ever present. He continues to show me His presence in my daily life, wether I deserve it or not. That's the beauty of His love and of the atonement. It's always there and never fails. Even, and maybe more appropriately ESPECIALLY, when I do.

p.s. the elementary put BoyTwo on the bus today by accident. I made them radio the bus and have it pull over until I caught up with it and got him off. I'm still not willing to take that risk. The principal was awesome. He (obviously) was very apologetic about the mishap and even offered to ride the bus with BoyTwo when the day comes that we think he might be ready. I didn't have the heart to tell him it might not be until high school:)

Smart

This post is about how smart I am not! I just discovered that there is this tab labeled 'comments' on my blog account page or whatever it's called. Evidently, you can click on it and it will show you all your comments in the chronological order that they were added despite which post they were added to. I've enjoyed reading many that I have never seen until now. duh me.

Anyhow, I found quite a few interesting/helpful comments. Sorry if I missed any of you! There was even a comment on there from clear back when we were in Ukraine from someone that had adopted from Matviivka, like us, only earlier! And I'm just now finding this.

I also just heard of Adele for the first time tonight. I know, I know, I don't get out much. In my defense, we don't get any radio stations up here and we all know that I am only ever home or at the elementary...

I had myself an appointment for a massage scheduled tomorrow morning. I was really looking forward to it until I realized that I was supposed to be at an all day, outdoor field trip tomorrow with Two. Warm table, stress and aches being kneaded out of my body OR herding 27 second graders as they snow shoe, sled and do who knows what else in the cold snow all day. Close second. :)

A Picture!!!!

This is One with the Dew Tour Snowboard Pipe Champion, Louie Vito today. Now you all know where we live:) Side note, can you believe how nice his teeth are?! lol

These athletes are so awesome. They are so amazingly talented and have great PR skills. They sign helmets and snowboards or skiis, take pictures with anyone, and they are so cool. I love, love living here.

Huz emailed me this picture from his phone. He is at the Dew Tour which is just down the street from our house with One and BoyOne. I'm home with the littles. It occurred to me that I could download this picture onto the blogpost from the email. duh. Maybe I'll be able to get a few more pictures on here. That would sure be nice!

Toddler Toys, Dishes and Barbecue

Tuesday I did something that I should have done nearly five months ago. I invested in some boy specific toddler toys. After watching BoyTwo play with our little people houses and then seeing how fascinated he was with my one year old nephew's toys, I disregarded everything I had heard discouraging me from encouraging his regression (and merely allowing and accepting it during the actual physical act) and took myself down the toddler isle at the store.

Merry Christmas me. Seriously. This kid was mesmerized, amazed and immediately, without a shadow of a doubt, became completely and absolutely two again. Right down to the hitting and yelling 'mine!' The Merry-Christmas-me part is because it was so appropriate for him! He played appropriately, he was entertained, he was engaged. I've never seen him so comfortable or relaxed or peaceful ever. And, it kept him really occupied. For a couple of HOURS!! This is the kid whose attention span is usually, no joke, about 30 seconds. It was a Christmas miracle. Should have done this a long time ago. Moms, trust your gut. We ARE always right:)

Dishes. Last night BoyOne was noticing for the first time that we have a dishwasher, as in the machine, not me. I do hand wash quite a few dishes, which is probably why he never noticed until now that we had a dishwasher. He asked how it worked, watched me load it, watched me unload it, watched where I put the soap, watched which buttons I pushed and then opened it a couple of times while it was running just to check things out a bit. It was an interesting thing to observe him doing all this. Today he came home from school and was literally two minutes ahead of me (I saw him go inside, but was picking up Four from the neighbor's house). I walked into the house in time to see him proudly push the start button on the dishwasher. He showed me how he had unloaded and put away, best he could, all the dishes and then loaded and started the dishwasher for me. In two minutes. How stinkin' cute is that?! Seriously. Picture your four year old doing this to surprise you. It was that cute. He was so pleased with himself that I think had he won a gold medal at the Olympics he wouldn't have seemed this happy. When he wasn't looking, I snuck a look inside the dishwasher to see what he had put in there. Oh my melt. 3 tupperwares, 5 mini bowls, an 8 ounce measuring cup, and two small baking dishes. It took up approximately 1/4 of the space inside. The bowls were facing up. It was seriously one of the cutest things I have ever seen. I even took a picture, which I would post IF our hard drive had been replaced. Which it hasn't. grumpy sigh.

Barbecue. I left the school early today and met three of my dear friends down in town for some barbecue. The food was really, really good. The company was even better! It has been way too long since the four of us have been together. I'm definitely the weakest link here. Two of the girls are still neighbors and the third, get this, traveled from Idaho to be here with us. How's that for dedication and love?! We only had about two hours, which for women is never enough time, let alone women that had not seen each other in nearly a year, but boy did we make good use of our time. We have been through a lot together, well I guess I should say that THEY have all been through a lot and I tried to be there with baked goods and such during these times:) I left feeling great. Thanks girls. You rock. Okay, I have to tell you how awesome they are. So awesome!! One of them gives me all of her boys' clothes for my boys saving me TONS of money and time spent shopping. Another is always finding out information for me to better help my kids (think CHADD, and SPD support groups and therapies available, along with the latest advocate info for IEPs and 504s. This is really time consuming, so it's a real life saver). And after my post that ended with me saying 'pass the chocolate,' about a week later I received a package in the mail from the third. A box of chocolates with a note that said 'pass the chocolate'. Are you freaking kidding me?! I told you, awesome.

Plus, I was able to parallel park my suburban which always makes me feel happy because I do a pretty good job. Instant gratification is hard to come by these days and really insignificant things like parking my car help me feel better about life. haha

11:23

That's what my clock says right now. p.m.

Not bad for a Tuesday night. The last child finally went up to bed. I have been helping kids with homework since 4. We did take an hour and a half break for a basketball game. Two and Three are on a co-ed team together, which by the way, BoyOne thought was hilarious. Not them playing together, but the whole idea of co-ed. He had never heard of such a thing. I convinced him it was cool. Sort of. Because he only sort of believes that I know what is cool. haha.

Six hours of homework is why my house is trashed, my laundry piled to the sky, dinner happening at (gulp) 8 (did I just admit that?!), two loads of dishes needing to be done, etc. You get the idea.

I don't really feel like our specific schools are giving too much homework. It is just taking certain kids absurd amounts of time to do said homework. So, maybe that means it is too much homework. Why did saying that make me almost cry? I think a large part of that reaction is due to feeling so sad that they have to struggle so, so hard for things that so many others don't even have to think about. Sheesh. Back to the topic. If I were to give this homework to different children in my house, it would all be done in an hour. I feel like I can't give up or say I won't do it, because I don't want them to fall any further behind than they already are. I want to help them. I keep telling myself that at some point, it will click and they'll get it. Most of the time I believe myself, too. My cousin used to nanny for a stay at home mom who had four kids. At the time, I thought this was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. Then I had Two and she was a holy terror. I needed a nanny just with two kids! And if I thought I needed a nanny then, well, I certainly need one now:) Or a chef or housekeeper or tutor. You get the picture.

Another Week/Dyslexia

I was hoping to title this 'A New Week', but instead, it is simply another week. BoyTwo and I did a lot of talking and acting things out on Friday. We even had our translator come over and 'translate' just in case BoyTwo needed it in his native language. What we found out was about what we anticipated. He is losing his language. He understands a fair amount of what we say, but not all things. Unfortunately, sometimes it's the most important things he misses, thus the translator. Huz worked with him this weekend. We felt really positive about sending him back to school on Monday, as did the school.

Friday night was my nephew's first birthday. This kid is so cute! It was so fun to watch him attack his cake. My girls were so not interested in having their fingers dirty, so this was a fun sight to see. BoyOne especially likes little kids and is good buddies with my nephew.

The best part of this weekend was that my mom surprised us all and flew in from TN. It was super fun. She's pretty awesome. This summer she spent her time in a hospital trying not to die from complications with cancer. It was really hard to be on the other side of the world while that was going on. Somehow, during all of that, she managed to find time to make quilts for all eight of her grandchildren plus a great niece and great nephew. I can't even make my bed in the morning. How does she do it?!

Saturday was another party. My middle sister is having a baby!! We are pretty excited. My sisters and I threw her a shower. It was fun, but also a stark reminder for me that I am no longer in the phase of life where I can entertain. Instead, I'm lucky to just be able to get somewhere. It was great fun to be together and eat (non dairy free) food. (yes we were all sick after)

Saturday evening, my youngest sister came up our way to go skiing. It was her first time. We had a blast. The boys were super pumped to show off their tricks and the girls were having a great time racing straight down the mountain. I decided to be brave and try to use a wide rail. Probably not the best decision I've ever made. I totally bit it and have the bruising to show for it. Niiiiiiice. I hope that someday in the near future I will be able to kneel again. My sister did quite well and was far braver than I. We hope that she can make it back up here soon for another snow day!

Sunday was fine. BoyOne even spoke during one of our church meetings about how he is glad to be in America and that he likes (he called us by our first names instead of mom and dad, which was a little odd because he never does that), and that we take care of him. It was very sweet. I missed at least half of what he said though because he was talking quite rapidly. I tell you, it DOES help to speak slower to someone who speaks a different language!!

Monday was not fine. (that would be today)

I drive carpool for preschool Mondays and then go straight to the elementary to volunteer and be available ICBE (in case of BoyTwo emergency). Unfortunately as I was walking through the stinking door, I was met with a certain little boy being brought to the principal's office for kicking and hitting.

AREYOUFREAKINGKIDDINGMEDOYOUNOTHEARA_____THINGWESAY?!

I chose to not deal with him as I desperately needed time to collect myself and begin to think in trauma mama mode instead of pissed off Stephanie mode.

At 11, he was still in the office and we had come up with a game plan. The kid can't do recess. He was doing so, so great for a few weeks and has been quickly sliding backwards. He loves recess. LOVES IT!! But it is too big of a trigger for him. He simply cannot control himself. He is so incredibly impulsive that being with him will make your head spin. So back to private recesses we go. We do not necessarily make this punitive. We do tell him that because he is hurting people, he needs time to practice playing and time to learn to be safe. It is directly tied to his actions, however, and is hopefully putting him in a frame of mind that will allow some teaching to take place.

Then, it was lunch time. He ate in the office (this is part of the recess deal. being around so many kids is a trigger for him and is just plain not safe right now) and then went into the lunchroom to throw away his tray. The administration realized too late that they should not have allowed him to do this. I do not fault them at all. All the time I think that he should be able to handle doing simple little things, but then he surprises me and cannot. He enters the lunchroom to discard his tray and takes off outside to recess. The admin is hot on his tail. The recess teachers see him enter the playground and head over to him to round him up and escort him inside.

During this brief (seriously, what could it have been, two minutes???) span of time, he picks up a snowball, chucks it at some icicles. The icicles break and fall. He picks up the ice. (Now he's doing something else that is absolutely against policy and he is well aware of this, but again, lack of control and impulse) He throws said ice at the head of a girl who he thinks may someday say something mean about him. Well, thank you very much BoyTwo, now she has reason to say something mean about you. He hit her square on the forehead and she has a small cut and goose egg to prove it.

He has never spoken to this girl. He has likely never even noticed this girl. She is in a different grade than he. She was playing away from him with her friend. She had her back to him, until she felt snow and ice pelting her and turned to see what was happening.

After I dried my tears of frustration, exhaustion and whatever else is going on while locked in a stall in the girls bathroom, I took him home. Another frustration I have is that he completely lied about what had happened. Even though what he did was much less of an offense that what he said he did, he chose to stick with his crazy story. Even after I told him that I knew he was lying, he sheepishly laughed and said, 'I know lie' (translation: I don't know why I lie), and continued to dish out tale after tale.

And someone was buying it!! This did not help. At all. This kid is King Manipulation. If there is one thing he mastered during his time in Ukraine, it was how to manipulate people into getting them to do what he wants them to do, think what he wants them to think, and how to get himself out of situations.

After several LONG conversations, I think we have a plan for tomorrow, but it is one that I'm not sure will continue after that.

PART 2

Does anyone know anything about dyslexia? I highly suspect one of my daughters is dyslexic and the school is suspicious. They have told me that they can test her to qualify her for special ed type of assistance, but that they can't diagnose. I also was not super thrilled with what they have said they would provide help with. I believe it should encompass more than just help with language arts, as reading is an integral part of math, science, etc. But I'll fight that battle when I have to. In the mean time, the school cannot/will not 'diagnose' her. Which is fine. They should not have to. They are not medical professionals, they have to be really careful what they say/do. I called my pediatrician. They do not diagnose dyslexia either. They referred me back to the school.

Who diagnoses dyslexia??? Nobody seems to know. There has got to be someone! This is not just something that you say you might have your whole life. 'I'm pretty sure I'm dyslexic,' or 'I might have dyslexia.' It just bothers me, probably more than it should, that nobody wants to find out if this is really what is going on! Sure, the school will do testing with her and make an official referral for special ed, but based on what?! That she needs help because something might be wrong with how she processes things?! Good heavens. Think about it. If somebody told you your kid might have cancer, let's start the chemo and radiation, wouldn't you like to know what's going on for sure?

And now, it's time for me to try to go to bed. My ranting is getting me all riled up again.

In the Air

Geez, I swear they plan their bad, bad days together. Either that or it's something in the air.

'Let's mess with mom tomorrow. You do this, I'll do this, etc.'

Tuesday was actually a pretty good day. I was going to blog about it, but then Wednesday and Thursday were a total bust and they pretty much take the cake. I'll try to make it short.

Wednesday, I became aware of a situation unfolding at the junior high. There are a couple of boys taunting/bullying BoyOne and they had a little scuffle. Then, I found out about another time this happened and really, quite by accident, realized that it was a lot more serious than anyone realized. I think that we've got some more work to do on this situation, but at least the admin and teachers are all aware. BoyOne is not scared or feeling threatened. This other kid is basically a total dork. I mean really, who picks on a kid who can't even speak English? Come on. BoyOne has a lot of friends and is quite the celebrity at school and these friends really watch out for him and help him out whenever he needs it. Also, we are having issues with this same child refusing to do anything while at school. So we had to deal with attitude, which made him a little ornery.

Thursday. Oh Thursday. BoyOne refused, yet again, to do anything while at school. This includes refusing to even sit in his seat. He lost the privilege of doing anything except homework after school, including basketball. That's pretty much the worst thing that can happen to him right now and he let me know it. Rough life. It was actually quite a horrible time with him, but his brother takes the cake. BoyTwo? Yesterday at school during recess the kids were playing tag as they do every. single. day. BoyTwo has integrated really well into recesses and while he is not perfect, recess has not been a problem for weeks. Anyhow, for whatever reason, when the kids called out to him to come play, 'BoyTwo! Come play! Help us!' He took that as literally someone needing help, I think, and tackled a boy and basically went ape on him. Everyone was pretty freaked out. Three is in his class and she was upset because she was embarrassed, worried, scared, sad, etc. Two is in the class of the boy who was beat up and she had all of these same emotions. Kids that saw this were crying, it was a mess. Luckily, the kid is physically going to be all right. An hour after it happened, the other boys' mom thought it would help her son to have BoyTwo apologize, which I was more than happy to have him do. The only reason this had not taken place yet was because I was worried that it would be too traumatic for the boy to see BoyTwo so soon. The poor little boy started hyperventilating when he saw BoyTwo, but his mom was there and helped him. BoyTwo apologized and shook his hand and then I took him home where we are still today.

Good Grief.

Tantrum Progress

BoyOne had a tantrum on Monday evening. This hasn't happened to this extent for quite some time. We were caught off guard because his behavior has been so much more what we originally expected it to be like and also the reason for the tantrum was just plain ridiculous.

We have a dinner table that seats eight. There are eight of us. Perfect. We do not have assigned seats. I believe that this gives the kids freedom to choose where they want to sit, and me freedom to choose where they are going to sit :). Plus, it's nice to shake things up a little every night in a not so crazy way.

For the past four months, BoyOne has HAD to sit at the exact same seat for every meal. While annoying, we have just let it slide for the most part. Monday night I asked him to sit at the other side of the table because one of his little sisters wanted to sit by him. Holy freak out! I decided that this was not worth the tantrum, so I offered him his other seat back saying that he could sit here tonight, but reminded him that he would not always be able to sit in that very seat. Now, it is beyond me why this one seat is so attractive to him. It makes no sense. He very grumpily moved back to his coveted seat, but proceeded to flip out again when he saw that he was sitting in between two sisters. Weirdness #1, people, we are a predominantly female household. He is always sitting by at least one girl and even at times two. He started yelling and stomping around and I told him to sit his butt down and stop yelling.

him: 'I no sit here. I no this chair.'

me: 'sit down or go to bed.'

He sat. This alone shows how much progress he has made. At this point sister was crying (she's four) because he had made it pretty obvious that he did not want to be by her and her feelings were hurt. Weirdness #2, I'm pretty sure that this is his favorite sister, so why he suddenly did not want her by him is another mystery.

He continued to escalate and the mood at the table deteriorated rapidly. He was about to get two choices. I told him to look at me while I talked to him, which he did. This is another amazing example of how far he has come! Eye contact for these kids is pretty much non-existent in the beginning and is a difficult skill to learn. I did have to remind him about 19 times during our one minute conversation, but he complied and that is huge! Option 1, I told him that if he wanted to behave like this, he would need to leave the table until he could be nice. We wanted to have fun during dinner and did not want him ruining it for all of us. He would be able to dine by himself later. Option 2 was that he could change his attitude and eat with the family. He chose to go upstairs to his room!! This was hilarious! The boy is so stubborn! We were eating one of his favorite meals and I know he was way hungry, but he would not humble himself enough to be decent to anyone. So, off to his bedroom he stomped, slamming doors and yelling in Russian, while the rest of us enjoyed dinner together.

After dinner we had a family game night that he did not attempt to join. However, right as we were kneeling down for family prayer, BoyOne came down to join us. We were kind of surprised. Evidence yet again of how far this boy has come! On his own accord, he chose to join the family for our prayer and group hug. I was impressed. I also figured I would continue to reign as Most Stubborn Member of the Household. After prayer, we asked him if he wanted to eat his dinner. He refused! Okay, so maybe he is still trying to steal my title:)

Weirdness #3, his refusing to eat dinner hurt no one but himself. Why did he choose to do this?! I don't understand. Whatever. Maybe he was subconsciously punishing himself? We even set his plate in the refrigerator and told him that he could change his mind and come eat at any time. The plate is still in the fridge. (by the way, why do we spell 'refrigerator' without a d, but 'fridge' with a d? This is really confusing to kids. I know because I just corrected a bunch of spelling tests and half of them got this word wrong.)

When I tucked him in that night, I made sure to let him know how proud we are of him for all of his progress. The mere fact that he made eye contact with me when I asked was fairly earth shattering and I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him doing that even when he was mad. He is a very good boy and his behavior has come so very far. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and read, say, every entry from when we were in Ukraine... I love him and am so thankful that he is my son. I can't imagine life without him. Either of them. I can't believe that they've only been here a little over four months. It seems like they have been with us forever and that is a good way to feel!