Progress

Things have been good and bad, depending on when you ask me and about whom. Tonight, we end on a good note. BoyOne has ended his three day silent treatment towards me and is camping with Huz and some of the other scouts from our church. BoyTwo, after nearly two weeks of solidly harping on him for every ridiculous thing that he does (and there have been MANY), followed by a kiss on his left cheek to let him know I still love him, promptly tilted his head and pointed to his cheek for me to give the expected kiss after I swiftly hauled his little butt back to class where he was required to apologize appropriately for swearing at his teacher and running from the classroom today. (Progress? you ask? YES!! He knows what to expect! That's one of the first things in establishing boundaries. I read so.)

So, yes. BoyOne is a typical teenager AND a newly adopted orphan and it. is. challenging. Just when we thought we may need to lower our already low expectations for this phase in our newly combined lives, he has surprised us and is behaving as a half-human again. BoyTwo hasn't completely given up swearing-okay who am I kidding-has barely begun to give up swearing. The good news, though, is that we can physically see him realize what he has done wrong right as he does it. Not in every instance, but that little light bulb has come on, and that is HUGE!! He actually apologized of his own free will and choice today (I was doing the thing where you point at your eyes and back to them, but still). He also appropriately greeted someone. It's a little frazzling not knowing what may come out of his mouth at any given time. And I'm not just talking words...

I am tired. As in physically exhausted. I have to go to school every day with BoyTwo which doesn't leave me any time to do any of the housekeeper duties until after the kids are in bed which doesn't happen until homework is done and then I still have to translate everything that is only absolutely necessary to the following days' lesson plans into Russian. Besides, everyone knows that even when your kids have jobs to 'help' around the house, it's really the kid we are helping, not ourselves. Yes, they help out, no it doesn't take anything off of me so I'm often staying up until two or three or four and then waking up at 7:45. Yeah, I know, 7:45 is sleeping in to the rest of the world, but the rest of the world doesn't stay up until the wee hours of the morning before they 'sleep in' until 7:45. Tomorrow, however hallelujah, is NO SCHOOL!!! aahhhhhhh. bliss... ish... Crap! What am I going to do with all these kids all day?! Just kidding:) We have some happiness planned.

Things have been tiring, difficult, frustrating, all of those things you experience with a new addition to the family (I know I'm not the only one out there who had to seriously adjust to life when my biological children were born.). BUT, because I am again remembering that this isn't about what I can handle or how much I can take or how much I prepared for this or how organized I am or how long I'll have to do 'this' until things get better, I am once again on my knees in fervent prayer, counseling with the Father of these boys, the healer of all, the One who knows them, and me, best, we have seen progress. You may think I'm talking about progress for the boys, and yes, they have made some progress. The progress I am talking about now, the reason for the title of the post, is my own personal progress. I progressed back to the point where I am once again completely and utterly relying on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Why is it that over and over I cycle through these phases of being completely reliant on God, to then be carried by Him to a better place, to then feeling like everything is okay and thinking that means that I can handle it on my own again? Learn it, Stephanie! For the love!!!

On Sunday, a really not so good day, I taught a lesson at church about having a Christ-centered home. This after screeching at kids all morning to keep their church clothes clean until we get to church PUHLEEEEASE and to brush their teeth. At least I had lots of examples of what NOT to do:) It's hard getting six kids out the door for church no matter what time you start the process. Especially when two of them require infantile attention. Huz came back home in time to pile the kids into the suburban and take that crew to church on time. Meanwhile, I stayed behind to finish dressing, while I flat ironed my hair, applied make-up, and attempted to print off handouts for my lesson from our printer that has decided to only work when I don't need it to all during the same ten minutes I had available. Fortunately I made it to church in time to hear the lady who was conducting our meeting say, "I'm sure she'll be here, can anyone else think of any other good news or announcements?" which was the perfect cue for me to race in, heels in hand (it's easier to run through the parking lot barefoot) saying, "I've got some good news! I am here! Can you feel the spirit now?!"

Since Sunday, I have marveled at the fact that back in May when I was assigned my teaching topics, the Lord knew that during this particular week, I would need to be focusing more on the topic of having a Christ-centered home personally. Let's be honest here. This lesson wasn't for me to give to all the other ladies who needed to hear it. This lesson was for me to hear and the best way to make that happen, to ensure that I was actually at church after a morning, scratch that-week, like the one I had just experienced, was to have me be the one to 'teach' the lesson. Who do you think gained the most? Me, of course. That's how it usually goes. Sure, we always can use reminders and encouragement on how to better incorporate the Savior into our daily lives and the lives of the members of our family, but it honestly stops me in my tracks when I think about how aware of me my Father in Heaven is. To put something on my plate nearly five months before I would desperately need it?! Wow. He. is. good.

p.s. There is a slight possibility that I left three sleeping kids at home with a fourth awake child, while I ran to pick up a fifth from her friend's house, during which time (three minutes) the awake child may have become frightened and called 911...