Alive!!

Pictures first!

Matviivka is still beautiful!

This is the first time I've seen a bike at the internat!

Yuri, middle.

I tried to delete this picture of Vlad because it's not a good one of him, but it will not go away, so here it is anyhow. Just trust me that he is a darling, good, handsome boy!

I have eight pictures like this that Bogdan took of himself. I love them. It's the most animated I've seen him!! They made me laugh when I discovered them.

BoyTwo with a plate of 'cake' that he gave to his class. Isn't he cute?!

Larissa the director with BoyTwo and I'm not sure who else.

for Kim: Dima. He tried to dodge my camera, but what can I say, I'm quicker and more stubborn than he is:)

Good-bye to Matviivka.

At the passport office. Check out how they've got that camera rigged up there!!!

Orphaned kitten. Let me hear the chorus of 'Oooooooh.'

Orphaned Mama dog with her puppies. They kept us busy for a while.

This is the outside of a post office we went to so that I could pick up my phone and mail some documents. Snazzy, isn't it. And while we're here looking at crates, there is some construction going on in the middle of a main side walk by the mall in Zap. There is a trench dug out of the sidewalk that is about two feet deep and a foot and a half wide. All they have to get across it is one of these crates. To 'keep people out' and to warn of danger, they tied a couple red ribbons on some sticks and stuck them in the dirt next to the crate. OSHA would have a field day here!!!

This is BoyTwo standing by the fountain in our apartment.

View out our balcony. Yellow is the Villa market on the way to the bridge.

View out of our balcony and to the left.

Alive and no longer sick! I just barely got internet last night, late. I'll admit, I was feeling a little out of touch and alone without it for the past three days! I didn't throw up on my flights and it helped to not eat. I was feeling better but tired (not the jet lag tired but the I've just been throwing up tired) Monday. I'm kind of bugged, but I let the kids at the orphanage take my camera, making them promise to not erase any of the few pictures that were already on there and when I got it back, they had erased them. I know, I wasn't surprised, just disappointed as those pictures can never be replaced. I would have downloaded them to the computer I am using, but I couldn't get it to even turn on. Finally after fervent prayer (silly to pray about having a computer turn on, but sincere nonetheless) for two and a half days, (heavenly angels singing) the computer turned on!! But that was after the pics had been deleted.

So, in Kyiv, much to my joy, I was met at the airport by Natasha and her mother who was so thrilled to meet a 'real, live American' that we took a few pictures together (which were deleted). For all of you who know who Natasha is and how darling and amazing she is, you can only imagine that of course her mother is the same. She has short dark, dark hair and is very beautiful and kind. Like mother like daughter, right?! I mean the beautiful and kind part:)

We drove directly to Oleg's mother's home where I was fed a wonderful meal of borsht (that settled very well with my still queasy tummy) and invited to rest, shower and visit with the women and with Oleg's son Danil. And for those of you who know Oleg, again, it will be no surprise to know that his mother is darling and kind as well. She has shoulder length, curly blond hair! (again, picture deleted. sigh. The reason I include these descriptions is because Natasha is blond blond blond and Oleg is dark and their mothers are opposite. I thought that was interesting.)

After this, Natasha took me to see the temple in Kyiv. It was very pretty and I took a few pictures which were, you guessed it, erased. Sad. Natasha commented that the grounds looked different since she had last visited, but that they were still pretty. She commented how that when the temple had been built, they had tried to think of everything, being respectful of the culture and traditions of Ukraine. Then she said the line of the day:

"It's so interesting-it looks different in every season, but it is always the same and always beautiful."

I thought of how true her words were pertaining to our lives and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The gospel itself is unchanging, ever faithful. However, because we are always changing, along with our circumstances, sometimes the Gospel looks different to us. For example, I have read a certain passage in the Bible (Corinthians) several times before, but until we were caught in the middle of extortion, it never before had the meaning that it did during that season of my life. Get it?? The Gospel never changes, but as we change, we learn to apply it in different aspects and have opportunities to more fully experience its fullness. At all times it is beautiful. Natasha has no idea how deep she is:)

We ate at the same restaurant at the bus station as I ate at with Val and Max and Zhenia before. Actually, they ate, I sampled a dessert and water. Then we met Yelena and hopped on the train. The train, believe it or not, was a little too cool this time around! It's officially fall here in Ukraine. Leaves are changing color and falling in heaps to the ground, scattering everywhere and looking lovely. The days are warm, a little cool, and the nights cool down quite a bit. They provide an extra blanket on the train now that the weather has cooled off, so that was good. I really love the train. The rocking motion is so calming to me. And, after traveling and not feeling well, I fell asleep in about ten seconds. I did get up in the night to use the bathroom and met a man in the hallway of the train in his undies. haha. Awkward for me, but perfectly commonplace in Ukraine!

Upon arriving in Zap, we were met by Zheniya our driver. It was great to again see a familiar face. He was concerned that I was wearing flip flops and not warmer shoes. It was funny. As soon as the weather hits 70 here, the people don jackets and closed toed shoes. They would flip if they knew that in my state, come spring, as soon as it hits 50, we pull out the shorts and swim suits!!

On the way to our apartment, Yelena explained to me that the apartment we were staying in belongs to the landlord of the apartment I stayed in previously. Evidently when he heard we were coming back into town and that I would have the boys with me and that I also wanted Yelena to share an apartment (to save $), he and his wife offered their personal residence saying that they know Yelena from dealing with her and remember renting to me and that we were very honest and careful with their rental and wished for us to stay in their home so that we would have more room.

So, here I sit in what seems to be the largest, nicest apartment in all of Zap. It's a little stressful, really, to have the boys here and worry about keeping it pristine! A place like this even in the states would be considered really nice. It is probably 1200 square feet with two bedrooms. One is the 'Spain' room and the other is the 'Italy' room and have been decorated accordingly. It has a kitchen dining room and a formal dining room. I don't even have that back home! The bathroom sports towels with the playboy bunny and name on them, as in our good friend Hugh. Niiiiiiiiiiice. All things considered, it could be worse. Instead of the bunny it could be an actual bunny (the woman). The kitchen has a dishwasher. In Ukraine. First ever dishwasher I've heard of here. Every room has a crystal chandelier in it, along with a flat screen t.v. (they have more televisions than we do! We have 2 and one of them is thirteen years old. haha), and the balcony has a view of the Dnipro River and Billa (pronounced villa), the grocery. I have been told that this is one of the nicest apartment complexes in Zap and I believe it. Funny thing is that in the parking lot (that tells you something-there's a parking lot. As in people living here own cars.) the cars look like what sat in the parking lot of my low income high school almost twenty (gulp) years ago! There are not very many nice cars here in Zap, those are to be found only in Kyiv.

When our driver came back to pick us up, he had with him our translator. As Yelena and I climbed into the car she said, 'Our family is back together!' It was cute and we all laughed, but what she said is so true. I have spent six weeks with these people!! By the time I leave, it will be seven. We are together a lot and have been through this entire process together. There is nothing like working for a common goal to make a group feel like a family! I will miss them all so much. Next, we picked up the boys and were gone the whole, entire day doing what felt like, especially to the boys, nothing:). If you haven't adopted before, there is a whole lot of hurry up and wait. Hurry like mad to get to some random office someplace and then sit and wait and wait and wait and then wait some more. I'll include some pictures of a couple of the places we went. They are lovely. The highlight of the day was, of course, being with the boys who were very happy to see me. It was fantastic to be back at Matviivka and to see so many of the beautiful, beautiful children we have come to know. It was different being there this time as school is now in session and there is more order and not the freedom that summertime offers. The ping-pong table has been put away and the boys all wear shirts now. The girls bootie shorts and tanks have been replaced with the typical Ukainian school uniform. A few kids hang on to the memory of summer wearing shorts, but hardly any. Casual clothing has been primarily replaced by black or dark pants or skirts and white button up shirts. And it wouldn't be Ukraine without the ginormous hair bows in the little girls' hair!

After running our errands, we met another family who is here adopting (here in Ukraine, not here in Zap unfortunately) for lunch. It was great to see a familiar face and to speak some fluent English:)

I fell asleep quickly Tuesday night, but woke up at two. I kept trying to get the computer to work or my phone, without success. I just wanted to talk to someone. The next day was going to be big and I needed a pep talk. I also forgot to mention that being in the state of delirium that I was in upon arrival in Kyiv, I left my Ukraine phone at Oleg's mom's house and my U.S. phone doesn't work here. Still don't get that. Huz's works just fine when he is here and we have the exact same phone and service provider. Whatever.

I have been dreading the day I say good-bye to Matviivka since before we even started this process. As much as I like to think that I will someday return, the likelihood of that is slim. Financially, it's just not realistic. I have names of lots of kids we got to know and I am planning on sending little care packages, but it doesn't seem as if that will do any good, at least long term. Also, there is the elephant in the room fact that once these children turn 16, the majority of them will be gone, never to be heard from again. That is something that I will never get used to. Nor will I ever forget. I can't imagine a day will go by that I won't think about them and wonder if they are alive and what they are doing, and think about the life that these kids have been dealt.

Wednesday we woke up, got ready for the day, went to the market and purchased the required items for the 'going away' party for the boys' classes. Yes, that's right. I said required items. In the past, the families adopting will provide cakes or other treats for the children in the class(es) of the kids being adopted. The director, since the last party was given, has new regulations regarding 'treats.' Did you know that frosting is unsafe??? As in dangerous to consume??? As in the fluffy stuff we eat way too much of in the U.S.??? She told us the specific brand of boxed cake to purchase and also the juice we would need to bring. Because I knew the boys would be disappointed that there was not a fancy, fun, yummy cake, I also bought a LOT of candy bars (like 60 of them) and bananas for them to hand out.

When we arrived at the internat, we had to wait outside because we were a little early and the kids were in class. As the kids passed us they would wave, call out to us, or sneak a quick few words. Pretty soon BoyTwo showed up! He hung out with us for a short amount of time before being corralled by his teacher. Apparently he had 'escaped' and found us. I was given an earful for letting him have a sucker, which he had only had in his mouth for about thirty seconds before the teacher showed up. I was berated for 'ruining his stomach and making it so he wouldn't eat his lunch.' Whatever. I wouldn't eat the crap they feed them either. Whatever it was that they served, it stunk to high heavens and looked disgusting. Most of the kids seemed to not like it, either. I know the food is not always bad here, just today was a little sketchy.

After lunch I was able to check BoyTwo out of class and have his little party for him. I took pictures of his class (there are sixteen of them) but he deleted the pictures because he was mad at the kids. He thought they weren't being 'orderly' enough, but I didn't notice that at all. I'm sad to not have that memory for him, but I kind of get the feeling that he's going to be one of those kids that can't wait to get out and forget as soon as possible. When we escorted the children back to class, his teacher went on a rant about how she feels sorry for me to be adopting him and how he is so naughty and she feels that I should be warned and why don't I take one of the other more compliant children? (Guess she can't tell that I'm not exactly 'compliant' myself...). I told her that I was absolutely certain that I wanted this particular boy. Then she told me I was crazy. lol.

BoyOne's party was great. I didn't really speak with his teacher, but I know from before that she likes him and that he is a good student and very smart. Top of his class! The director suggested I take the boys to an American neurologist to get a pill for them to make them forget all that they have been through. I did not laugh, but my eyebrow did go up.

It is custom when adopting to give lots of gifts. Practically everyone that you look at you end up giving a gift to. Consider yourself fairly warned. Anyhow, I had picked out a bracelet for the director that I thought she would like, based on what I remembered her wearing before. She liked it and was very gracious. Then came time for me to give my 'donation' to the orphanage. We had planned on giving nearly double what we ended up giving, thanks to our corrupt attorney. When I gave Larissa the donation I told her how much we appreciate all that she has done for our boys and for the other children. She has a very difficult job. It's like being a principal, which seems challenging enough as it is, but in addition to that, most of these kids have very difficult circumstances from which they arrived and she helps to deal with that as well. I know personally of things she has done for our boys, as well as other children, to ensure their safety both physically and emotionally. While no orphanage is perfect, I feel that she is a good person and truly does the best she can with what she has. So, as I told her this, I started to cry. I was so embarrassed. I know I keep saying 'I started to cry and I'm not a crier...' but really, I've probably cried more during this experience than I have in the rest of my entire life. Anyhow, once I started to cry, she started to cry too. After that was over, we headed downstairs once and for all, to leave forever. (side note: I was told that my donation would be used to buy nice new curtains, of all things...)

BoyTwo had nothing that belonged to him that he could take with him. Granted, he is only seven, but to own absolutely nothing, not even the clothes on your back, is incredible. BoyOne, at age fourteen, had only the pictures we had given him and one of his biological mom. His only belongings of fourteen years worth of living. Most babies born in the U.S. have more than that at fourteen seconds of living. These kids own nothing and leave behind nothing. It could very well seem as though they never existed before now. All orphans are nearly the same, with little or nothing to call their own. It's embarrassing for me to think of how much 'stuff' I have that I certainly could do without. I hope that I can make the changes in myself that I can see could be made and don't get sucked into the rush of life too quickly.

As we left the grounds kids came up to wish the boys well and to tell them good-bye. A lot of them told me good-bye too. The most heart wrenching moment was when one boy who had been particularly difficult to get to know, who took the very longest to warm up to us, who has been at the orphanage for so very long, told me that he wants to be adopted. 'I want to be adopted,' he said, 'I want a family.' What do you say to that?

The car ride home was sober. Once again, I was crying. My heart was breaking for the many kids left behind and for my son (so good to finally finally finally say that!!!) who has had so many difficult experiences in his short life. I wish that things didn't always have to be so hard for him.

The remainder of the day was spent at the passport office getting the boys pictures taken. While they waited they stood outside and took pictures of 'nice' cars. Boys will be boys!!

Last night I went with BoyOne to the grocery store only to remember as we were about to check out that I was out of grivna. I had to call Yana, have her explain to the clerk that I needed to go get more money and that I'd be back. We went to four banks, all of which were closed, before returning to the apartment to borrow money from Yelena. We had chicken for dinner.

Last night, BoyTwo fell asleep super quick. BoyOne stayed up until one, and I stayed up until two. Unfortunately BoyTwo woke up at 6. That was crappy.

Today went great. I'll readily admit that I panicked when I was desperately trying to think of things to do with the boys for the rest of the day and week when it was only noon. And then I had my first 'holy crap, what was I thinking' moment when I discovered it was only 9!!!!! Fortunately, the boys are used to being incredibly bored. A great lesson provided by internat life! They played tag and hide and go seek while I watched, we jumped railings, climbed fences and went to the store again. Then after lunch, the boys staged some WWF wrestling. I took pictures and only wish I had video taped it. It was highly entertaining. Somehow we made it to dinnertime and now, the boys are watching some television as I type this. BoyTwo has his pajamas on and as soon as I finish this up, it's off to bed for that cute little guy.

Which speaking of him reminds me that when I went to brush my teeth after dinner, as I looked into the sink I saw a booger which made me barf. I can't do snot. Just typing this now is giving me the dry heaves. Give me mice, snakes, barf, poop. Just no boogers, spiders or paper. Aaaand, speaking of poop, Joni, in case you ever have a spare moment to read this, BoyTwo drank an entire liter of juice today while I was in the bathroom for thirty seconds. After your not so lovely experience, I'm more than hesitant to leave the confines of the apartment tomorrow!!

There's more to tell, but this is ridiculously long and I still want to post pictures so I'll save the rest and hope to someday be caught up.

Life is good.