Thursday part 2

I'm all confused now. It's actually Friday here, but I got behind so yesterday's pictures and todays info is supposed to be this post. But, if I remember right, yesterday was BORING and there is really not a lot to tell.

BoyTwo had a little melt down. He went to bed quite late (10 p.m. Not really late in my book, but at the internat they have a very regimented schedule and he is usually asleep by 8:30) and woke up early. As in 6 a.m. That was pretty crappy, I'm not going to lie. I didn't go to bed until two, so his cute little face right in mine that bright and early was a bit of a bummer. Luckily, I got him to climb into bed with me for a half hour and then, somehow, I managed to keep him quiet for another two hours so that we didn't wake anyone else. Back to the melt down. That afternoon I can't remember exactly, but we were sitting in the kitchen and all of a sudden he was in tears. I held him on my lap and he sat with his arms folded and cried for several minutes. I asked him if he was tired and that totally offended him. He was so mad! He jumped off my lap, refused to look at me and told me off. Lucky for me, I have no idea what he said. When he was done with his rant, he hugged me and everything was fine again.

Around 4 I went to exchange some currency and to the grocery by my old apartment. They have a good bakery:) BoyTwo wanted to go with. About half way there I noticed he was crying again. He didn't seem mad, but tears were running down his cheeks. He was holding my hand willingly, so I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I asked if he wanted me to carry him on my back and he said no. I asked if he was alright and he said yes, but the tears continued. After about 5-10 minutes, we sat down and I asked if he was hurt or tired. He said he was tired, but he still wouldn't let me carry him. I still wasn't convinced that these tears were merely from exhaustion so I called Yana for a translation. I found out that he was crying because he thought we were lost. Poor kid. Yana reassured him that we were not lost, but almost to the store and bank. At the store he picked out a pack of gum (which by the way tastes like Halls cough drops. ew.) and gave him enough money to pay for it and let him go through the line on his own. He. was. pumped. You'd have thought he'd just won the jackpot!!

On the way home he started with his tears again. I knew he thought we were lost again and I tried to tell him we were not but I could tell he didn't believe me, so once again, I called Yana. She told him we were not lost. He didn't really believe her either. We were soon home and all was well again.

Even though we adopted biological brothers who were institutionalized at the same time, I feel that we have two different types of orphans, if you can call it that. BoyOne is the typical social orphan which is, as far as I can tell, the most prominent type in Eastern European countries. An older child who was raised with biological relatives for the early years of life and then turned over to state care. These kids have been through a lot during their time with their bio relatives, but have an idea of what it means to be a part of a family. While their manners and mannerisms are far from what we consider appropriate as Americans, in orphan life they tend to be well mannered and seem to be more socially appropriate, also fitting the mold of how we as Americans imagine an orphan to act. This type of social orphan is what I consider to be the most common in Ukraine. They are not what we as Americans picture orphans to think like, however. (deceased relatives, all on their own, dreaming of a family...) BoyTwo fits the 'American' perception of orphans as far as wanting a family and being left all on his own. Although he has living biological relatives, he has spent the majority of his life in the instituion and does not appear to have the emotional ties and connections to these living relatives that his older brother has. His manners and mannerisms are completely inappropriate by our standards and I think most people would be shocked at his behavior. (Good luck elementary school) He is 'true orphan.' We have a lot of work to do. Luckily, he is young. We have had some problems with excessive burping and farting. I HATE those two things as it is and just doing either thing one time is usually too much for me, but he is out of control. I sat him down today with Yana and laid down some ground rules.

1) No burping or farting at the table. If he does, he will be removed for the remainder of the meal to eat by himself after we have finished.

2) If he needs to burp or fart, he must do so in the bathroom. He is forcing himself to do these things. I am not at all exaggerating when I say he burps literally every thirty seconds. Big, huge, obnoxious, loud, stinky belches. It is completely inappropriate. Even here.

3) If he burps and farts at school he will not be able to go to recess.

The rest of the night was much better. I know that he does it to be funny because for some reason there are people all over the world that think that it's humorous. I think it's tacky and shows a lack of self control.

Our second incidence with him happened at the store. For whatever reason, probably because a man designed it and men do not grocery shop with their children, every grocery store I have ever been in separates their check out isles with bars. What child can pass that up?! I wouldn't have when I was little. Anyhow, BoyTwo was swinging on the bar and nailed an old lady right in her legs. I whispered in his ear to apologize. He refused based on the grounds that it was an accident. I explained that it didn't matter. When we do something to someone, with or without intentions, if we are aware, we apologize. I know this will take time. It's something that we teach our biological children from the time they are infants. It was just a prime opportunity to start right now with him. He still refused to apologize. I told him that it was his choice but that if he chose to not apologize we would sit in the car during our visit to the orphanage (story on that later) the entire time. He said fine. On our way out the door of the store, I saw the lady he had kicked and asked him one last time if he would like to apologize. He decided he would but when we approached her, he froze. Just like any other little kid would do, he was shy and felt embarrassed. But that's why I was with him! I explained to the woman that he had kicked her on accident and wished to extend an apology to her. He couldn't bring himself to do it. The old lady bent down to him and spoke softly to him and gave him a little hug and he told her sorry. She kissed his cheek and I thanked her for giving him the opportunity to apologize and she went on her way. Then we all told BoyTwo how proud we were of him and how brave he had been to apologize to a stranger. I wasn't mad at him for what he had done, but I do want him to be responsible for his actions. If it seems harsh I don't really care. I get tired of people who make pathetic apologies only to benefit themselves. You know the kind. 'I'm so sorry that you were offended by my wardrobe malfunction.' or 'I'm sorry that you misunderstood me.' What kind of crap is that?! Take ownership people. Even my biological kids do this at times and I make them do the same thing. Anyhow, it may seem like this was really intense, but it wasn't. I just really did not want to miss out on this 'learning opportunity.'

All in all, BoyTwo has had fabulous behavior. He is just like any other three year old little boy (except he's seven) with lots of energy and curiosity. He is a good boy and I love him so much. He loves having a mom. He hugs me all the time and always wants to sit by me and hold my hand. He loves being tucked in at night and saying prayers together. He is transitioning from calling me mami (russian caregiver) to mom all on his own. That kind of surprised me to hear him say just mom over here. I thought it wouldn't change until we had been home for awhile and he heard his sisters calling me mom.

More tomorrow. It's too late and I am really rambling. I may have a lot to delete when I read this tomorrow... It's all good!