Horses

I was fortunate enough to attend a parent training seminar last week, thanks to the organization (Save a Child) that we hosted through. The seminar was given by a man, Lee Caldwell, who owns a horse ranch. He works with troubled youth and uses horse therapy with them, in addition to training horses.

So, I wasn't prepared to be in a horse arena all night. I wore white pants and flip flops. I don't know why, but I thought I'd be in a classroom looking at a white board or something. haha. Now that I think about it, it should have been obvious to me that since we were meeting at his ranch and that part of his program included working with horses, we would be in that setting. duh...

A lot of what he said can be applied to parenting in general, troubled youth or not. He taught us about our children by teaching us about his horses. I'll tell you what he said about his horses and you see if you agree that it can all be applied to the human race.

*having inner peace is a base motivation. They want to feel safe, secure, have their needs met, and have some sort of companionship.

*develop a routine. They thrive on knowing what to expect.

*it has to be their choice. If you want a horse to do something, you can force it, or you can teach it. It all depends on what kind of a relationship you want with the horse.

*its first defense is flight

*the greatest conflict is over loss of choice. (think Spirit, the cartoon movie)

*they need safe, secure, predictable leadership that is consistent, immediate and positive

*teach that obedience pays off for them personally (natural consequences)

*make it easy for them. Don't saddle them for the first time and jump them on the same day.

*it's never good to try to teach when they (or you) are tired

*keep your expectations high, but accept their best

During the three hours we were there I feel that I learned a lot. Both from Lee and the other attendees. The thing that stuck out to me the very most though, was one of the last things that he taught. He had a horse who had been bred to be an amazing creature. His breeding lines were impressive-even to someone who knows nothing about horses. When this little colt was born, he was a fire cracker. His owner thought that he could force him to be tame. He had lots of money and lots of experience with other horses. None of what he did worked though. So, he put the horse up for sale. This colt grew into a wild stallion and was quickly purchased by another person who knew what the first owner had done wrong. They were ready to show this horse who was boss and tame him and turn him into the creature he was meant to be. They later admitted defeat and sold him to a third buyer who was prepared to stay in it for the long haul until they could break this horse and train him and show him and race him and breed him. They eventually gave up. This is when Lee stepped into the picture. He had first noticed this horse when he was for sale the first time. He was shocked that he was being sold in the first place and for such a low price. Lee continued to follow this horse casually until eventually he ended up as his owner.

The first thing he did was to gain his trust through providing the horse with safety, security and by meeting his needs. Later he began to train this horse. He would apply a little pressure during the training so as to push the horse a little, but when the horse showed signs of distress, he quickly deferred back to providing the horse with something that was easy for him. A routine that provided safety and security and predictable expectations. Eventually Lee was able to train this horse and to ride him. Lee really loved this horse. He brought the horse out to show us. After he rode him, he dismounted and took the saddle off the horse and turned to us, saying what I considered to be the most profound lesson of the evening,

"When he's done (being ridden), he always rolls (in the dirt) with or without the saddle. I learned a long time ago to just take the saddle off."

Light. Bulb. Moment.

Yes, Lee trained this horse. He made more of him than any of his three previous owners ever imagined possible. The horse visibly respected Lee and knew that Lee was in charge. They had a relationship of trust. But at the end of the night, when the horse was done doing everything he had been taught, he wanted and needed to roll in the dirt. The cool thing to me was that Lee recognized this and still accepted him. In the end the horse had been trained and guided to achieve his full potential. And he was a really great horse. A really beautiful horse. A well-mannered horse. An obedient horse. A dependable horse. A talented horse.

But he still liked to roll in the dirt.

This isn't a lesson that some things never change. It is a lesson that sometimes WE are the ones that need to change.