SAC Concert

Monday was a long day. As Mondays usually are.

This particular Monday was the "one week left" mark for the boys. I was feeling all sorts of panicky thinking of them leaving. The girls went to school in the morning. I picked them up early. The plan was to go into town to a ski shop and have us fitted for skiis. Next, we needed to be in Sandy by 4:30 for a dress rehearsal for a benefit concert that SAC was having. This concert is a big deal as it is the primary fundraiser for these hosting trips. At 6:00 we were going to to leave the concert, take Three and Four to my sister's house and jet back to the concert. Sounds easy enough, right?

I knew the boys, BoyOne in particular, was not going to be happy about this concert thing. I knew that if he would give it half a chance he would enjoy himself. This is the constant problem. It is SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!! He is defiant and does not want to go anywhere. When we finally get to wherever it is, he is mad. When it is nearing time to leave, he finally begins to have a good time. This behavior is typical of many children of many ages in many circumstances. It is just hard when there is this GREAT BIG HUGE language barrier.

I decide early in the day to prep BoyOne on the concert. I tell him via computer translation that we have a concert to attend. This concert earns money that pays for his vacation here. I know he does not want to go, but we have to. All of his friends will be there. I believe he will actually enjoy it. He moans and groans a little and that is it. Relief floods over me.

Now, we're off to pick up the girls. In hindsight I should have skipped this next event. I didn't really have an option though due to other events going on and a time frame that had to be met. I took all six kids with me to the ski shop to be fitted for skiis. This started out just fine. When we were getting ready to be done, BoyOne starts to get upset. I need to explain that I had already told him what we were doing and that we wished he would be here this winter to ski with us. Maybe next year. Back to real time. He is getting upset and I'm trying to find out why. He is not wanting to talk to me or look at me. I personally think he is upset because he is thinking about how he has to go back to Ukraine soon and we get to stay here in our free country eating doughnuts and snow skiing. It really would have been better if I had not brought them along, for their sakes. I felt really bad. I really do wish they could just be part of our family and ski with us.

Now we're in the car headed to pick up huz and go to the concert. BoyOne is bugged that we have to pick up huz, but at the same time glad to see him. He doesn't want to give up his shot gun seat to me, and not willing to risk ticking him off, I voluntarily take the back seat. Not the middle back, but the very back seat of the suburban. The one that has shortened leg space. We ride all the way from I-89 in Layton to Sandy with my knees touching my chin. I'm also leaning forward holding hands with Three and Four. Good gravy.

We get to the concert. We sit around for a really long time waiting for our rehearsal turn. Now, I understand that this is how dress rehearsals go. Each number has to practice and get their sound system worked out. Problem is BoyOne has probably never been to a concert, let alone a dress rehearsal and most other people did not show up until well after we did. He launches a personal attack against me. An attack of silence, glares and occasional Russian that sounds accusing. I apologize. I tell him we were here when we were supposed to be. I tell him I didn't know everyone else was going to be late. Could he just hang out with his friends as they arrive and as we wait our turn?

Finally, our turn to rehearse. We are to stand as families. He will not stand with us. Because he won't, neither will his copy cat brother. We finally get them to come by us and BoyTwo freaks out. We are talking biting, kicking, hitting and spitting. Mixed in with some colorful Russian. I haul him out. I try to calm him down. No go. I see some kids enter the building and I recognize them as being adopted from Ukraine in previous years (I have turned into a blog stalker, embarrassing). I call out to them, asking (begging, really) for help translating. They come over and try to talk to BoyTwo. I have NO idea what is being said but I can see the frustration in BoyTwo's little face. He is trying so hard not to cry, to be tough. And that makes me start to cry. I reach over to touch his shoulder and he gives me this horrible look of hate, which makes me really sad. The night is now in disaster mode.

After more biting, hitting, and kicking from BoyTwo and more being ignored from BoyOne (I'm not expecting him to be my BFF or anything, a simple acknowledgement of my existence will do), I am beginning to seriously doubt myself. What was I thinking?! Really?!!!

I pass one of the Chaperone's, not the one that stayed with us, and ask her to translate for me. I ask her to tell BoyTwo the following:

No hitting.

No kicking.

No biting.

No yelling.

No running away.

Say sorry to me.

He mocks me, but ends up saying "sorly" and agrees to not do the above. On to BoyOne. I ask her to tell him he needs to stay near us. He needs to cooperate. He needs to participate in this concert. This concert pays for his vacation. He needs to be respectful. I know he does not want to be here, but he must, at the request of the program.

They engage in a conversation. I know more is being said than what was originally planned. I ask what is going on. I am told that he thinks we are not a good family. We make him do things he does not want to do. We will not take him to the activities. When we go, we are late. At this point I am about to lose it. Because remember who is making us late with his emotional-ness????? Remember how much we want him and want him to be here? My feelings are hurt and I am offended that he would tell his leaders that we are a bad family.

And then one of my friends from my old neighborhood shows up for the concert. Here I am telling her how awesome this is, singing praises for adoption and all these kids and she finds me sitting on stairs crying. Nice. Another SAC friend comes over to me and offers a listening ear. My husband is gone (taking Three and Four to my sis's) and I have no idea where my Ukrainian boys are, and my girls are upset because they want to go to the concert.

Huz finally gets back and I tell him I just want to leave. He is surprised to see me this upset because it takes a lot to get me like this. We go to find the boys and as we round the corner, the Ukrainian director of this program is coming around the corner the opposite direction with BoyOne. Apparently she found him and heard what was going on and had a little talk with him.

She starts to tell me that he just doesn't want to be here (concert). Because of his past he doesn't properly express himself. He doesn't understand that I am upset because I care. He just thinks that I am one more bossy woman telling him what to do. I have already thought these things. I tell her that as much as I really love having them at my house, maybe they don't want us. Maybe they should go to another family so that they will enjoy their visit. She tells me no, that is not the problem. She tells me that she asked him if anyone had ever told him he was smart. He said no. She told him that we said he was smart. She asked him if anyone had ever said nice things about him. He said no. She said we said lots of nice things about him. She told him that mom (me) is crying because she loves you. He is surprised. She asks him if he knows what it means to have a family. He says he does. She tells him this is his chance. He needs to show us with his actions because he does not know the words or the feelings. I am still not convinced that he does not hate us.

We go to the last half of the concert. BoyOne is on his best behavior. BoyTwo is a regular 6 year old boy. We stay until it is almost over and then we have to leave to pick up the other kids and drive 1 1/2 hours home. What a night. I cry the whole drive.

p.s. the actual concert was great