Gone 2 Days

So, here I am. I am feeling pretty sad. I miss the boys. So do my girls. A few times a day they'll remember something funny that one of the boys did or said. They'll tell me they miss them. Four has even starting doing this face that BoyTwo did while he was here. It is pretty funny. I wonder if they picked up any habits from us? What do they remember about their time here? All fun and games or anything pertinent to life?

I want to do something to help improve their situation, but with a request of no contact, what am I to do? I am glad that they are happy enough with their situation that they want to go back. Do I wish they wanted to be adopted? Of course. But more than that, I pray for their safety, happiness and health. I pray that they will have success, meaning I hope they become productive, self-sufficient members of society. I pray that the cycle of orphans ends with their childhood and is not passed on. I pray they stay away from the bad crowds, drugs and alcohol that resulted in their being placed in an orphanage. I pray they remember the feelings of safety and happiness and family that they experienced while they were here. I believe they came into our lives for a reason. But what am I going to do with it now? I feel I should do something to help them. But help them with what? How?

We took a picture of our whole family with them the night before they left. It looks just perfect. I'm glad to have that, especially because things were so cool when they left.

The house is quiet. The car is quiet. My girls have started being naughty again.

How do I go back to having a normal life now? It just seems wrong to chalk it up to a great experience and get in my nice warm car and drive to the elementary school to staple book orders together (even though that's what I just did). How am I supposed to start thinking about Christmas when our family is already so spoiled and so many others have so little? I've already written and mailed a letter to each boy (even though BoyOne said not to, I figured he'd want the pics) and sent some pictures that hadn't been developed when they left. It seems so lame. So easy to just drop it in the mail and go on with my nice little fairy tale life. It's not right. It's not good enough for me (not my life, but just going on with my life). What does God want me to do with this? Any ideas? Anyone?

A line from one of my favorite books, The Shack, comes to mind. It is talking about how everything we do matters. It says that because we are important, everything we do is important. "Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my (meaning God) purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again."