It's All Good

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

February in Pictures

Our dogs really love each other. This is how they sleep 99% of the time.

These, my friends, are gluten free, egg free, dairy free pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. They were fluffy, moist, they rose, and they even tasted good, something that has been a difficult combination to achieve this past month and a half. Even our non GFCFEF neighbor kids loved them.

At our elementary the second grade presents puppet shows. There are four classes with each class doing 3-4 shows. It's a lot of puppets. And they have 5 performances. When you have a lively child like BoyTwo and a anxious child like Three, you get to be to all five performances. I was able to multitask a little (okay, a lot) and decorate the gym for something else when it wasn't their exact turn. These pictures are of the cast introducing themselves before they take stage. Three is Chicken Little. BoyTwo is a pig from the Gingerbread Man. I'm pleased to say there were no inappropriate things said into the microphone, no microphones were thrown, and no little piggies went running wee wee wee all the way off the stage. Phew. In the hallway after one performance, the pig did have a little run in with another animal, as in he literally and purposely ran into and over the poor guy, and lost his snout which was later surgically replaced with hot glue once reparations were made and privileges earned back.

He assured both his teacher and I that it wasn't supposed to be a 'real fight, just a fun fight.'

Four's kindergarten class filled their marble jar and voted on a superhero party. Rules were that you had to invent your superhero to portray special abilities/talents you had. So there you go. Cheer You Up Cheetah Girl. She makes me so happy.

Not sure why these pictures were split up. Oh well. This is an intense game of Blind Tickle Monster. The kids sit in a circle around Huz who counts to ten and then tickles someone. They aren't allowed to open their eyes or else they are disqualified. Here they were waiting with such intense anticipation that I was laughing out loud.

Four loves animals. She would really love to be a cheetah. Or a horse. Or a cat. Or dog. You get the picture. She would love to wear this little get up 24/7.

Oh! Looks like Two was the one caught by the tickle monster :)

Monday, March 25, 2013

Natural(ly)

As I filled out the paperwork for BoyTwo's much anticipated, eagerly awaited, desperately counted down the days for neuropsych appointment, I came across a section in which I was to fill out information about myself.

1. Are you the patient's:

___natural mother ___adoptive mother

etc.

Really? In 2013 we are referring to a biological relationship as natural?

sigh. eye roll.

So, naturalLY, being both an adoptee and adoptive mother, I crossed out the word natural and replaced it with the word biological and was sure to let the front office know of my 'suggestion' to change the form to more accurately and correctly represent the relationship of the adult and child in question.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Fingerprints

Well, it's almost like I went and fell off the face of the earth! Life is so busy. Oh my gosh whirlwind what just happened busy.

Today as I ran through the house trying to get things somewhat in order, feeling frustrated that the kids aren't better about picking up their 'things', I remembered the fingerprints.

In our old house, there were french doors in the kitchen/family room area that led to our backyard deck. The girls were all babies in that house and grew up there. They loved to stand at those windows and lick the glass as babies do and put their chubby little fingers all over them. We'd often leave the door open so they could wander in and out. They loved 'kissing' each other through the window and pulling funny faces at each other with their little cheeks and noses smooshed against the glass. As you can imagine, the bottom third of the windows were covered in prints. Lip prints, cheek prints, finger prints, you name it. And I never cleaned them. I was always afraid that if I did something would happen to one of the girls and I'd be so sad that I had cleaned off their little markings. I wanted them there all the time so that I could see them and remember their littleness. I remember one time coming home and a well meaning baby sitter had cleaned them for me. It was all I could do to not start bawling that very moment. haha. Now don't pass out, they did get cleaned, occasionally. Just not every single day like they needed. It was a sad day when we moved out of that wonderful little house and I had to wash the prints away forever. And it was forever. They were gone and so was that phase of our lives. We wash the windows weekly here in our new house and rarely are there any prints at all on the windows. That little phase of our life was left behind at our old house and in our memory. Silly as it may sound, I'm so glad that I let those fingerprints and smudges stay. I can still see them in my mind and it is a treasured memory, a reminder of a different part of my life that I will never have back.

They're growing up so fast.

As I looked around at backpacks not put away, sewing projects left out and unfinished, coloring books and puzzles haphazardly slid to the sides of the walls, I realized that this was the new 'fingerprint'. And that sadly, someday, the house will stay picked up after it is cleaned, the locker hall will hang empty, toys and puzzles will be a thing of the past, and Huz and I will be alone.

I'm grateful for these thoughts that I have that help me to slow down and to be present. It's something that I have to work on constantly. Time is so easy to take for granted. 'I'll read it to you tomorrow', 'I'll play chess with you after I _____', 'let me make this phone call first', etc. One day I'll wake up and they'll be all grown up. I think about my own mother who will call me to talk and it will take me a day or two to get back to her with a free minute to chat. Someday they won't need me every second of every day (like today. I think 'mom' was said over 50 times in a single half of an hour. I hid in the bathroom and they were waiting centimeters away from the door when I emerged thirty seconds later:)). Someday they will be the ones who don't have time for a game of chess or a little chat. Oh, it makes me wish for more time with them.

(the fingerprinted doors are behind us)

Monday, January 28, 2013

Gearin' Up

We've been doing our elimination diet with peanuts. I let Three choose because it gave her a sense of control and helped her to be more on board, so to speak. Of course this is my theory... It seems to have worked. At least her being on board. What isn't working is going without peanuts. We've been doing without just fine, but she is still sick. My neighbor pointed out to me, 'How can you tell how affected she is by peanuts if she is still eating wheat and eggs?' Hmmm. Good point. That being said, I don't really want to get rid of wheat, eggs, peanuts and dairy for an entire month.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been s-l-o-w-l-y gearing up for our 'big month'. I decided that for our family, in order to make this work, I would need to have an entire month of meals planned. As in breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks and treats. Dishes that were already 'approved' by the tastebuds of those (or the majority of those-let's be realistic) who would be eating them. During this 'gearing up' phase, I've tried a couple new recipes (i.e. GFCF egg free pancakes. Who would've ever known that this was a possibility. Not I!! Not only were they edible, they tasted more like a crepe, oddly enough as they were lacking eggs, but had the appearance of a fluffy pancake), tweaked a couple of my own recipes (had to buy GF oats vs. regular oats), and wondered if this was really all necessary and if I was going to be capable of making this happen.

After watching my kids miss out on activities they enjoy because of stomach aches, being asked how they got black eyes (they get deep, dark bags under their eyes when they aren't well. These went away for a couple of months after going CF, but have been on the comeback), and realizing that our stomach's hurt way more than they should (after eating the GFCF egg free pancakes, the girls each told me that their stomach's didn't hurt. I also noticed this! My stomach and theirs always hurts after eating pancakes/waffles/french toast, and many other foods. I thought everyone's did and that it was because of all the sugary syrup. Evidently, this is not the case and we were pleasantly surprised that we didn't hurt after eating!), and of course, prayer, I think I'm almost ready. I'm going to have to be way more organized and plan way ahead (something that has gone to the way side since bringing the boys'-namely BoyTwo-home).

I'll let you know how it goes.

Funny story:

BoyOne: 'mom! I need ten slushies for school tomorrow and I have only six.'

me, wondering how he is suddenly in some food type of class: 'slushies?!'

BoyOne: 'come help me!'

I walked into the kitchen where he sat at the computer preparing a SLIDE SHOW (power point, actually), not a slushy. hahahahaha

BoyOne is working on a project on a greek goddess, who happens to be a virgin. This is specifically mentioned in her bio.

BoyOne: 'What is this word 'virgin'?'

me: 'it means that she hasn't had sex.' it's best to be blunt so that he understands.

One, as she quickly walks over to me: 'Have you had 'the talk' with him already?!' haha. I am often asked how One handled being dethroned from being the eldest in the family. She's handled it just fine because while she is not the oldest chronologically, she is still the oldest. And they get along really well. They had a rough first few months, but after we dealt with that one head on, things have been great. They are good buddies and we love spending time with them after the littles have all gone to bed.

Example. The other day when I left the kids alone (littles in bed) to meet some friends for dinner:

BoyOne: 'One, can I have drink?'

One: 'Sure!'

BoyOne: 'One, I play game?'

One: 'Sure!'

BoyOne: 'One, I so big tired. I go to bed?'

One: 'Sure!'

but then she calls me because now she's the only one awake in the house and she's 'freaking herself out'. Her words, not mine:)

Love that kid. He's such a blessing. All of them are.

Tomorrow is BoyTwo's IEP meeting. An IEP is an individual education plan in which specific accommodations are listed to enhance the qualified students 'free and appropriate public education', aka FAPE. It is a legally binding document that requires the school that the child is attending to comply to the accommodations. I mention the legal aspect of things only because that saved us two and a half years ago when we moved up here. I'm excited. I am really hoping that this is a good thing for him. Speaking of BoyTwo, in my head, I'm planning a post about all of the progress he's made in the past 16 months and the things that we've done in our home that have really helped him and us. And I'll get right on that as soon as I can get the 'month of meals' finalized:)

stay tuned...

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Catch Up in Six

I've started this post five different times over the past week or so.

FIRST THINGS FIRST

New Year's was fun. This is the first year in twelve years that we haven't had a baby in the house which means we didn't need to be quiet! One was at a friend's house to ring in the new year, a first for her (not being with us for the celebration). We kept the other kids awake and entertained by playing games with them. Then, as the countdown began, I passed out pots and pans and when it was officially the new year, we cheered and made a lot of noise. The kids loved this and so did we. It was especially great because immediately after, they were all ready for bed, something that never happens around here.

With the New Year comes resolutions. I love setting goals and checking them off. It feels really good, especially because it seems that I am forever stuck on the same day that never seems to end (and I do mean that with all the love in my heart). Each year we (I) take individual time with the kids to help them set a few goals (six actually. in the following areas: home & family, spiritual, social & community, exercise & physical fitness, learning and education, and talents, interests & hobbies). While I most definitely suggest some, I let them come up with and decide on their own goals. (i.e. memorize the states and capitals in order of statehood vs. break the world record for the most back hand springs in a row; guess which was my idea)

Because I have about a million things that I need to improve on, I'll only share with you two that involve my interactions with my children and which I feel are the most important for me at this time.

1) tuck my kids in at night. I used to always be the one to tuck them in. Huz has taken that over the past two years for me, but I felt that I ought to take it up again as there aren't that many years left before I won't have anyone to tuck in anymore:(

2) 'That they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.' John 17:3 I want to make sure that my kids know that this is the most important thing I want them to learn. More important than doing their jobs, getting a good education, learning to be self-sufficient. I believe that if they can really know and understand and have a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, the rest will happen, too.

SECOND

BoyTwo's 'new deal' didn't last very long. I would have liked to see it continue on, but he had some 'encouraging' and 'decided' that he was ready to do jobs again. He did make it to one church service in his pjs. I think he had originally thought that the other children from our congregation would think this hilarious, he didn't get from them the response he had hoped for and this had a lot to do with him changing his mind. He has since said to me several times over the past week, 'Mom, remember when I say I didn't want to do jobs and I stay in my pajamas in my room?' me, 'yep.' him, 'that was crazy.' like it was years ago instead of days ago.

THIRD

A year ago, because of health problems that all the females in our family were experiencing, we went dairy free (casein free) on the advice of our family doctor. It was life changing for us and, as a former, and honestly current, ice cream addict, I don't say this lightly. Interestingly, while it significantly improved our health, it also positively impacted BoyTwo's behavior. While only slightly, we will take any and all improvements that we can:)

Fast forward to now, a year later, we are still having some health problems, with Three being the most symptomatic. Soooo, I took her to our new (much more geographically close) doctor wondering if she was anemic or what. Doctor said, 'let's do a blood test and check for anemia and for some allergies.' Because I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I said, 'oh. okay. We do have dogs and a cat.' Hello. She was talking food allergies. Anyhow. Last week when I got home from second grade one afternoon, there was a message on our machine from the doctor's office asking me to call back about the blood draw. I knew something had shown up because otherwise they would have said that everything looked fine, no need to call back. When I did get ahold of them, they told me that Three had tested positive for allergies to, drumroll please, wheat, eggs, and peanuts. Please remember that we are already dairy free.

WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME ARE WE SUPPOSED TO EAT?!

They also advised me to take her to an allergist who confirmed her allergies but added that they were not life-threatening but that we may not want to get any flu shots because they contain egg. Did you know that?! The allergist advised us to do a trial elimination diet which is what we did with dairy a year ago. I've decided that going dairy free a year ago was a huge blessing in disguise. We literally cried about having to give up dairy but have managed quite nicely. I have been able to recreate all of my recipes or find new ones that we like just as well. We are eating much more healthily and feel much better. Still, I was shocked to find out about these allergies. Shocked enough that I said to the doctor, 'But we have some sort of food with egg in it nearly every day!' to which she replied, 'that's probably why she is sick every day.' Oh, right. Duh. Anyhow. This past week while I've waited for our allergist appointment, I decided to not go crazy and throw away my food storage and drive 2 hours to the nearest health food/gluten free store to grocery shop. Instead, I've scoured the internet looking for recipes and reading, reading, reading. Pretty much it sucks. Or at least it sucks right now. I've decided that you really either need wheat or dairy in your life to make it even sort of easy to find something tasty to eat. This opinion is based on the experimenting I've done this past week and the epic fails that have taken place. We have had a couple (literally two) successes, so it's not all a loss. I am sort of hopeful that with the elimination diet we'll find that wheat isn't really that problematic or eggs (but I'm really hoping that wheat will work out for us). But, if it doesn't, we'll adjust because let me tell you: If we can go dairy free, we can do anything!! (except get BoyTwo to behave at school:))

In case you don't know what an elimination diet is, let me tell you. You very strictly eliminate one allergen from your diet for at least two weeks. With the dairy we did a solid month. Then, you reintroduce that allergen to your diet and see how your body reacts, or doesn't. If it does, then you know your culprit. If you don't react, you're safe to go back. With the dairy trial, we didn't eat anything with any sort of milk product in it. On day 32 we all ate ice cream and proceeded to get sick. This is how we knew it was dairy. Hopeful that it may have been lactose, we bought lactose pills and tried to eat ice cream again. No go. It's the casein.

FOURTH

Here's the biggest news for the day. BoyTwo was approved for special education services. It took having the district supervisor for our school district come to test him and then her supervisor to approve him, but in the end, he qualified. Everyone agreed that he needed it. He even had the scores to show that he did. The problem was that there was serious concern that 'someone' could claim these low scores were due to him not being completely proficient in the English language, so there were a lot of extra little hoops to jump through. I'm really excited for him. I'm really grateful to the school for pushing for it as much as they did and for advocating for him. I'm hoping that this will help him in a number of ways. I think that the smaller classroom setting will be hugely beneficial. At our school special ed is what we used to call resource. The kids are pulled out once or twice a day to a different classroom to receive much more help and in depth practice of basic concepts. There is also a 3 students:1 teacher ratio. He will continue to receive his ELL services, along with reading intervention and private lunches.

FIFTH

I have had some great talks with BoyOne recently. I would highly encourage anyone to figure out how to cut their children's hair. You wouldn't believe the talks we have while I'm cutting their hair. Maybe it's because they don't have to look directly at me or something. I don't know.

SIXTH

I haven't blogged about the boys' one year anniversary yet. I haven't been able to emotionally. There are way too many feelings that I can't deal with all at once. At least not yet. There is just too much loss associated with it. It may sound odd, I know. It was a great gain for us, personally, to finally have the boys with us and I am SO, SO grateful. Please, don't misunderstand that. There is just so much other loss. Recently, I read a post by a blog friend that adopted shortly after we did from the same region. She was commemorating their one year anniversary. There were pictures of places I had been, streets I had walked, etc. And oh my gosh. The thing that got to me the very most was her pictures of leaving the orphanage. Thinking of all those who are left behind. That's what keeps me up at night. Thinking about my kids and His.

Friday, December 28, 2012

BoyTwo's New Deal

Today BoyTwo asked for a new family. This is not a new request of his, but it is one that we haven't heard from him for a while. In the past when he's wanted a new family, he will approach anyone he sees and ask them to be his family because _________ (you fill in the blank. He doesn't like us, we don't love him, we don't feed him, we're mean, etc.) Hopefully that doesn't start up again.

I tried something a little different today. I again told him that he could not have a new family, that we were a family forever. I asked him why he wanted a new family. Why didn't he want to be with us? He doesn't like me. He doesn't like sisters. We are mean. He doesn't like girls. (Huz tried to play that off as a left over orphanage thing, they generally have very little respect for women at all, but I'm not so sure. He's been here over a year. He likes his sisters. Or I guess I should say he likes Four. He has little to no use for the other three, but I KNOW he likes Four...) Then he said what I think is what this is really about,

"I no like you. You make me do jobs. You make me fix my bed, put clothes away, do homework."

Forget the fact that he has fewer responsibilities than anyone else in the entire family. He's chronologically eight, but he functions more like a four year old, so there's not a whole lot he can do/handle. Forget the fact that Huz also makes him do things, I just am around more.

me: "Does Dad make you do jobs?"

him: "a little"

me: "But you like Dad and not Mom?"

him: "yes"

I told him that he was always going to be part of our family, but only he could choose to enjoy that or not enjoy that. Then we did a little object lesson. We all held hands in a circle facing each other. We held hands by intertwining fingers. This is like our family. We're all hooked together. Then I had One turn her body so it was facing out. This was to represent her not wanting to be 'with' the family, or a part of the family. I asked the kids if because her back was turned that made her not in our circle. They agreed that even though she wasn't facing anyone, she was still a part of our circle, still in our family, we were still holding hands. I asked if it was fun for the rest of us to have her not being a part of our circle. They answered no. I asked her if she was having fun not being a part of our circle. She said no. Then we played a little game while still in this formation. We decided that we all had fun, except for One who wasn't playing because she wasn't facing us. We also decided that we wished she was facing us because she is fun to be with and we wanted her with us. Then we repeated the experiment with BoyTwo instead of One. Perhaps it was too desperate. I'm always trying to reach him. This didn't really work. Well, sort of. He agreed that he wanted to face the circle in the end, but when we went up to his room to talk, he didn't see how it was at all relevant to our actual family.

He thinks I don't like him because he has to do jobs. I pointed out that the other kids, along with me and Huz all do jobs and that was how families worked. He didn't care. I asked if he had to do anything at the orphanage. He said no, that someone always did it for him. I explained that was because that person was being paid. BoyTwo could either pay me to do his work, or Huz or one of his siblings. Because he doesn't have any money, this wouldn't work. Then I offered to take his bed, toys and clothes from him so that he wouldn't have to do any more jobs. I did think before making this offer as I am really good about follow through, so it wasn't just a blind threat. It was truly an offer to make his life easier in his mind. He readily agreed to this. I explained that he would have to wear the pajamas that he had on (at 11 o'clock he still wouldn't get dressed so, he was still in his pjs at 1) to church and to school. He said okay. I told him that as long as this was what he wanted and if it would help him to be happy, I would do this for him. He said yes.

So, now he sits on the floor of his room, in his pajamas. We have gone skiing today. He came with us and sat in the lodge in his pajamas the whole time. I continued to do my regular stuff around the house and peeked in on him periodically. At one point, he had a huge red scratch on his nose. I asked what had happened. He showed me how he was scooting around on the floor of his bedroom, crawling on his knees but not using his hands, his face sliding on the floor. He had given himself carpet burn. He thought it was fun. He's choosing to not eat with us because he doesn't want to clear his dishes, so instead he gets something that he can eat with his fingers (think apple, sandwich) that he won't have to clean up.

On one hand, I don't know that he is capable of making any sort of connection (gee, if I do my jobs, life is a whole lot better). On the other, he said he would rather have things this way than the other and so I'm going along with it. He's pretty stubborn so I can see this going on for a while.

This also explains why he is so mean to me and why he refuses to do anything that I ask, even when it's something simple like calling the entire family to come to dinner. Because I've said for everyone to come eat, he won't come. He doesn't recognize that I'm calling out to everyone to let them know that dinner is ready and not because I'm some control freak who is demanding her family eat NOW!!

I just don't know. It's kind of discouraging. Earlier today I was thinking about how much progress we had made, and how far we had come and how much closer we were to him feeling attached, even a little. And then this.