Fingerprints

Well, it's almost like I went and fell off the face of the earth!  Life is so busy.  Oh my gosh whirlwind what just happened busy.

Today as I ran through the house trying to get things somewhat in order, feeling frustrated that the kids aren't better about picking up their 'things', I remembered the fingerprints.

In our old house, there were french doors in the kitchen/family room area that led to our backyard deck.  The girls were all babies in that house and grew up there.  They loved to stand at those windows and lick the glass as babies do and put their chubby little fingers all over them.  We'd often leave the door open so they could wander in and out.  They loved 'kissing' each other through the window and pulling funny faces at each other with their little cheeks and noses smooshed against the glass.  As you can imagine, the bottom third of the windows were covered in prints.  Lip prints, cheek prints, finger prints, you name it.  And I never cleaned them.  I was always afraid that if I did something would happen to one of the girls and I'd be so sad that I had cleaned off their little markings.  I wanted them there all the time so that I could see them and remember their littleness.  I remember one time coming home and a well meaning baby sitter had cleaned them for me.  It was all I could do to not start bawling that very moment.  haha.  Now don't pass out, they did get cleaned, occasionally.  Just not every single day like they needed.  It was a sad day when we moved out of that wonderful little house and I had to wash the prints away forever.  And it was forever.  They were gone and so was that phase of our lives.  We wash the windows weekly here in our new house and rarely are there any prints at all on the windows.  That little phase of our life was left behind at our old house and in our memory.  Silly as it may sound, I'm so glad that I let those fingerprints and smudges stay.  I can still see them in my mind and it is a treasured memory, a reminder of a different part of my life that I will never have back.

They're growing up so fast.

As I looked around at backpacks not put away, sewing projects left out and unfinished, coloring books and puzzles haphazardly slid to the sides of the walls, I realized that this was the new 'fingerprint'.  And that sadly, someday, the house will stay picked up after it is cleaned, the locker hall will hang empty, toys and puzzles will be a thing of the past, and Huz and I will be alone.

I'm grateful for these thoughts that I have that help me to slow down and to be present.  It's something that I have to work on constantly.  Time is so easy to take for granted.  'I'll read it to you tomorrow', 'I'll play chess with you after I _____', 'let me make this phone call first', etc.  One day I'll wake up and they'll be all grown up.  I think about my own mother who will call me to talk and it will take me a day or two to get back to her with a free minute to chat.  Someday they won't need me every second of every day (like today.  I think 'mom' was said over 50 times in a single half of an hour.  I hid in the bathroom and they were waiting centimeters away from the door when I emerged thirty seconds later:)).  Someday they will be the ones who don't have time for a game of chess or a little chat.  Oh, it makes me wish for more time with them.  

(the fingerprinted doors are behind us)