Thank You Pioneers

What?!  Two posts in one day?  

I'm feeling brave.  I'm feeling like I can/should share some of my thoughts and feelings that I have been keeping on the dl.  And, because I can't seem to ever cut to the chase, this'll probably be long.  oh well.

So, I had this little epiphany back in July.  My state was settled by pioneers.  They went through a lot of crap to get here and, let's be honest, I've always wondered how they really felt when they got here.  No offense to the natives (as in those who have lived here forever, not Native Americans), because truly there are some fabulously beautiful parts of this state, but I've often looked around and imagined what this vast desert land looked like upon arrival.  One of the hikes I took my kids on this summer threw this all together for me.  The first part of the hike was ok.  Not as beautiful as our other hikes, but not awful.  Then there was a steep uphill and we ended up on this little plateau-ish (look at me using my 9th grade science skills) area that was pretty blah.  Sage brush, dust, cacti and more sage.  Gag.  My kids were like, 'this looks like the middle of the desert!' and I was like 'newsflash, we live in the middle of a desert.'  haha.  Anyhow, this was one of those moments where I had one of my little imagining moments.

I pictured myself coming over the crest of a steep mountain, hands and feet frost bitten, half starved, having lost several members of my family, having left behind all of my material possessions, having barely survived the terror of mobs and the absolute freezing cold elements that Mother Nature provided us with.  I imagined my heart beginning to race with excitement at the thought of finally, FINALLY, being able to see where I would be able to live and believe in the faith that I had without persecution.  The place that God had promised.  A place to be safe.  The place that my family would call home.  It's like a scene from a movie.

And then the guy in front of me moves out of my line of vision and the dramatic/happy music playing in my head screeches to a halt and I start blinking rapidly trying to make my eyes adjust to what I am hoping I am not seeing just as I hear a loud voice exclaim, 'This is the place!'

I'm pretty sure I wasn't a pioneer because 1) I would have never survived, 2) my attitude would have really sucked, 3) oh ye of little faith?  that's me.  Back to my imaginary scene.

'This is the place!'

I think I would've said with a big, fake smile,

'I'm sorry.  I just hallucinated!  I thought I heard you say this is the place.'  

and then, when I had been reassured that I had indeed heard correctly, I'm pretty sure I would've gone a little ape and possibly said something along the lines of 'This?!  This is the place?!  You have got. to be kidding me.  What have I done?  What have I done?  What am I going to do?  How much do I really believe in what I proclaim to believe in?'  Probably a little bit disappointed and possibly a tad panicked.  It was a desert with a lake filled with unusable salt water, for Pete's sake!!  I would've probably thought, 'I'm supposed to farm this?!  I went through all THAT to get HERE?!'

But I've never heard any stories like that!  I always read historic accounts and journal entries saying how blessed the people felt and how grateful they were to be here in this beautiful land (really pretty now, but pretty sure most of the trees weren't there when the pioneers arrived.  Just sayin').  I've always wondered if there were any like me who were trying to act happy and excited who, when night finally fell, cried themselves to sleep because they were so scared at the reality of this new home.

*light bulb!*

(and this all came to me in a milli-second)

And I heard those words again, with different inflection and no tone of hysteria,

'I went through all that to get here.'

As in:

1) if it hadn't been so hard to get here, I probably would not have truly been grateful for or appreciated this place,

2) there is a reason we go through the things that we do.  Regardless of the trial being caused by bad luck, bad decisions (ours or others), or whatever you want to blame it on, I believe that our Heavenly Father will follow us down whatever road we are on and use the situation we are in to bring us closer to him.  

Relative to Stephanie:

1) if it hadn't been so hard to get THEM here, I probably would not be truly grateful for them or appreciate the miracle that they are and the miracle that they are here,

and

2) Heavenly Father knew that this next part was going to be really hard.  Like really hard, guys.  He needed to know that I had it in me to fight for them to get here so that once they were here I could continue to fight for them in ways I hadn't anticipated.  He knew that I needed to see miracles happen and witness heaven moving earth so that there would be no way I could doubt that it was meant to be.  I've never doubted once or wondered if we really did the right thing.  I've always known.  Because of what we went through and the miracles we witnessed.

You know the other really great thing about the whole pioneer analogy?  Well, I'll tell you what would have happened next if I had been a pioneer so that you can sort of know where I may be at.

I probably would have been bummed (to put it mildly) but realized that for the sake of my family I needed to put on my big girl panties and get to work so that we didn't all die.  And I would've worked really hard and really long and honestly, cried myself to sleep a few more nights, at least.  And every time I had to plow that ground and plant more seeds hoping that something would grow so that we wouldn't all starve, I would remember the miracles that took place in order for me to get here and it would keep me going. I would remember that if I did my part, even if it was just going through the motions, He would do His.  It probably would've been rough at first.  Winters here can be harsh and remember, we came here with absolutely nothing.  I would've been able to harvest just barely enough food to survive off of.  I would've, unfortunately, at times lost patience and been mad that it was so hard to get a new life here started.  I'd have been bugged that there wasn't a single tree here except the ones that I had planted and man, were they taking a loooong time to grow.  Would they even make it???  Is it possible that they could or would ever even offer shade or fruits or beauty???  Then one day, while I would be out working in the field, I would happen to look up and see that those trees were finally starting to grow and while they were a long ways off from having fruit or offering shade (because really, I started with a half dead twig I'd been lucky enough to find along the way, not even a healthy seed!), they hadn't died yet!  And then rushing through my mind would be an image of this desert valley as it is now and I would think, 'wow!  This is going to be really beautiful some day!'

To go along with my pioneer theme, here's a picture of the cutest pioneer known to man (taken about 3 years ago):

Seriously though, did that not just make your day?!