The Guide

Laugh if you will, but years ago, early on in my parenting career, I developed what I call 'The Year by Year Guide to Teaching Our Children to Become Responsible Adults.'

Beginning at age three, there is a list of skills that I teach the child. The list goes up to age sixteen. We use this guide when we assign jobs, when we set our annual personal goals, and when we have Family Home Evenings. I had begun to become overwhelmed with all the things I was needing to teach my children before sending them out to fend for themselves and decided that if I had a list to refer to, it would greatly ease my panic. The list also has a place for me to 'check off' things the child learns and masters, therefore providing me with the much needed sense of accomplishment.

Nerdy as it may sound, the kids love it. Each child has their own binder that contains these checklists, their report cards from school and their 'Birthday Update,' which is another nerdy form that I created for them to document what kinds of things they were interested in and participating in on each birthday. I keep these binders in my bedroom on my bookshelf and I will often find the girls looking through them, reminding themselves what I should be teaching them and getting excited about the upcoming ages. Now, lest you begin to want to tell me that each child is different, blah blah blah, I will tell you that this is why it is called a GUIDE and that there are blank lines on each age in case something needs to be added (in the unlikely event that I forgot something) and certainly, if needed, something could be crossed off. I may or may not be behind a full year with one of my daughters... Don't judge me.

Just to give you an idea (something to laugh at), here are a couple samples from 'The Guide.'

AGE 3

dress self

potty trained

brushes teeth on own

says prayers independently

picks up and properly stores toys

wipes walls, doors and appliances

wash own body

memorize full name, city, state, and parent's names

graduate from mini-gym (a tumbling program each of my kids have participated in)

participate in a play group

AGE 8

get baptized

read scriptures daily and independently

make regular journal entries

load dishwasher properly

bake a cake

make cookies

understand puberty and sex (to an appropriate level)

clean sinks

unload dishwasher

wrap presents

start a load of laundry

sew a button

basic first aid (a.k.a. you only need a bandaid if blood is dripping)

groom nails (not to be confused with trimming own nails which is learned at age 5. grooming nails for me means keeping your cuticles pushed back, your nails even, not jagged, and underneath the nail clean)

change bedding

AGE 13

check, and if necessary add fluids, in car

fill car with gas

paint a room or a wall inside the house

use a weed whacker

set and keep a simple budget (they start doing this with mom at age five and are now on their own, with help when warranted)

certify in CPR

make jam

make dinner rolls

make and keep appointments (dental exams, etc. haircuts by this point have been scheduled on their own for four years)

reschedule appointments

understand prescriptions (refilling at appropriate times, insurance coverage, etc)

understand over the counter medications

attend church youth activities

complete goals

AGE 15

change a flat tire on a car

jump start a car

memorize yearly scriptures as dictated by curriculum

certify as a life guard

prepare resume

learn to ask for and fill out job applications

take the ACT exam

Today I caught my girlies reading their lists and squealing with excitement over being able to weed whack in a couple of years. hahaha. At our house, jobs go over much better when they are referred to as 'Adult Training.'

While they looked, I decided that I should probably prepare similar lists for the boys. Then, because I hadn't even showered in three days, I decided that the current lists would have to do, I would just make adjustments along the way. I printed off a 'Guide' for the boys and grabbed a pen so that I could mark off all of their accomplishments and better determine what I would need to take care of.

Bad idea.

The only two things I could check off for either boy were on the three year old list. Dress Self and Potty Trained. And dress self was being very very liberal with BoyTwo.

It hit me again how much I have to teach these cute boys, and in the case of BoyOne, in not a lot of time. Panic set in as I had visions of future daughters-in-law wondering why I never taught their husbands to throw away garbage or use deodorant. Then, panic was replaced by a sense of peace. I felt the Spirit whisper to me, 'relax Stephanie. One thing at a time.'

More than anything I want these two sons of mine to know their Heavenly Father and their Savior. Next, I want them to have the knowledge and ability to be a successful adult. My definition of that is being a responsible, self-sufficient adult, to be a positively contributing member of society, and to have inner peace. This is my hope for all my children. It is what I try to remember when I am parenting these children that the have been entrusted to me.

'The Guide' helps me to feel more organized and productive, but today I was reminded of WHO the real guide is. I know that with the Lord's help, I'll know what to teach them and when. I know that He will make up the deficit and that I must always remember this. (I also know that if I was reading my scriptures every day it would be easier to remember this...) The adversary is there constantly, telling me that it can't be done, that they will not learn, that they cannot change, that I cannot help them. It's easy to become discouraged and to lose hope. But then, I'll see a glimpse of the boys that our Heavenly Father knows and I am reminded that I cannot help them, but He can. I know that with Him, they will learn, they will change, that they will be who they were meant to be.