Miss Two

Two at my sister's wedding a little over a year ago.

This is Two on her third birthday. Isn't she just darling?! I miss her little-ness.

Here's the beauty queen again. I love to look at her big brown eyes. Huz and I have kind of smallish eyes. His are hazel, mine are green. One has blue eyes. When Two was born, she was itty bitty with these big, huge, beautiful brown eyes. Our (6 yr old) neighbor said that she had 'pop out eyes.'

This is a favorite of mine. If you notice her shirt, it says, 'I do all my own stunts." And she did. Still does. She was afraid of all the wrong things and way too brave for others. Example, scared to lay on the floor, would climb up on the top of our swing set. In the bottom corner of this picture is our milk box. It has inside three empty milk jugs. Well, empty of milk. Two had just finished filling them with snails. Forty-something of them. Yummmm. For some reason my girls all love snails...

Three and a half in this picture.

Here she is dressed as 'Fancy Mancy' as she called her. Two used to dress up EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Her favorite outfit was always some sort of leotard. She called them ballets. Every morning I would help her dress and within ten seconds she had changed herself into a ballet. I remember the day she came out of her room in her regular clothes. I asked her where her ballet was. She told me she didn't wear ballets anymore. And that was one of my saddest days. I didn't realize that overnight, literally, she would quit dressing up. I was devastated. A million pictures of her dressed up would not have been enough.

We celebrated this wonderful girl's birthday recently and I can hardly believe that eight years have passed. I love this kid. She is the one who is keenly aware of others needs and feelings. She notices when I need help and is quick to offer. When she was in kindergarten, the class was doing rotations and at one rotation they were playing a game where the first person to say the letter on the flash card got to hold the card. The person with the most cards at the end won. Two was not in the lead. In fact, she only had a couple cards. But she noticed that another little girl in the group didn't have any and asked the teacher if she could give the girl one of her cards so that the girl wouldn't be sad.

This girl can run like the wind. She is fast!! When she was two she was running really fast at Huz's parent's house and ran into their fence and got a concussion. That was one of the scariest days of my parenting. Her head was so swollen. I hadn't seen anything like that for a really long time. People that saw her in the ER stayed to find out if she was going to be okay. Thankfully she was.

Two is a lot like me. We LOOOOOOVE our sweets. She didn't speak for a long time. We tried signing with her. Every day we'd watch the 'Signing Time' movies. Over and over and over and over. All. Day. Long. We would sign everything to her. Finally, one miraculous day we had a break through. She was sitting on the couch watching Rachel when she slowly began to raise her finger to her cheek. One and I waited with baited breath to see what she would do. Very carefully she rubbed her index finger into her cheek, completely expressionless, to tell us that she wanted candy. That's right folks. Her first word was candy.

When she was two, I woke up in the middle of the night to a sound in the kitchen. I woke up Huz, telling him that someone had broken into our house. I was super freaked out. He, not so much, but to appease me went to investigate. He called me into the kitchen to see the 'burglar.' It was Two. She had climbed onto the kitchen counter and was rummaging through the cupboards looking for some candy that she had seen. Mind you, it was three a.m.

Two loved her binky. A lot. We weaned her off of it when she was 1. She wasn't done, though and continued to steal binkies from anyone who had one. It didn't matter who it was or where we were. She was stealth. Her sister, Three, also loved binkies. Three's was also taken away when she turned one. They used to conspire together to steal Four's binkies. They had secret hiding places for them. There were many a time I would be looking for a binky for Four only to find none. I could always ask Three where they were because she was too young to be dishonest. She would promptly take me to the latest hiding spot, much to Two's dismay, where there would be a stash of six or so binkies. When Two was five and Three was four they were sitting together and I heard Two say, "Hey! Three!! Do this!!" I went to see what it was they were doing and they had discovered sucking their thumbs. Still a challenge today. Both of these darlings have SPD, so it's going to be a difficult habit to break someday.

I remember the time I had splurged and bought myself some MAC make up. Two was potty training at the time and she came running to me saying she had done it!! I asked her what she had done and she told me she had flushed the toilet and that 'it' had gone down. I asked her if she had gone poop or potty and she looked at me funny and led me into the bathroom. Pointing to my empty makeup container she proudly exclaimed, again,

'I did it, Mommy!! And they went all gone!'

She had just flushed my MAC down the toilet. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I laughed and it has been my motto ever since.

Another hobby of Two's, in her younger years, was to sneak the carton of ice cream out of the freezer and hide someplace and eat it. Sooooo many times I would go to have myself a big bowl of comfort at the end of a long day, only to find a baby spoon in the empty carton. One night Huz and I decided to have ice cream and the carton was actually missing from the freezer. We knew who had taken it and decided that we would bust her. I had the camera and Huz threw open her bedroom door. We both said, 'Aha!' Only she wasn't in her bed. A few minutes later, we found her UNDER her bed, half way through a half gallon. A girl after my own heart.

Two is kind, considerate, faithful, trusting, trustworthy, beautiful, smart, talented, hard working, patient, strong (she's had a six pack since she was one), loves to be tickled, loves to wrestle, loves to climb, and has integrity. I am so, so, so grateful that I get to be her mother. I am the luckiest mom in the world!

Love you, my brown eyed girl!!

Weekend Report

Lucky us, we had a long weekend. No school Thursday or Friday-and we made the most of it.

I'll start with Tuesday, even though it's not even close to the weekend:) One had to have a tooth pulled. It had been abscessed for awhile. I had hoped that it would have fallen out by now, but after being on antibiotics a couple of times for it and it not even being loose, we decided to just yank it. I also had a couple cavities filled. We brought BoyOne with us. I wanted him to see both of us at the dentist and watch what the dentist did and that we were okay with it. I knew that I could count on the two of us to not freak out! He hypervenitlated once, while I was getting a shot. It was kind of funny. Here I was, laying on the chair with my mouth wide open receiving an injection and we were all worried about BoyOne passing out. Fortunately he did not. I held his hand and he kept asking if I was okay. I was more than happy to reassure him, as was One when it was her turn. I'd say overall it was a good experience. I'm hoping he will feel less anxiety over the dentist eventually.

Wednesday. Wednesday is our crazy day. Three of the four girls have dance, two up here near (sort of ) our home, the other an hour away near where we used to live. BoyTwo also had his third dentist appointment to finish off the last of his root canals. He did great during the appointment, even fell asleep. haha. BoyOne actually seemed to do better at this appointment. He did not hyperventilate once!! On the way to the appointment I was talking to Huz on my cell phone. We ended the call as we always do, 'love you, bye!' BoyOne asked if I had been talking to Papi. I said that I had. He then said that he knew I had been talking to him because we always tell each other 'love you, bye.' I was struck by the magnitude of his simple observation. Here he is in a home with a family, a mom and a dad who express their love to each other and to their children. I had a glimpse of the security that a stable and loving relationship between a family can provide. It's something that I take for granted, but that he has noticed in his time here. It made me so grateful all over again to have the boys here with us, finally, making our family feel more whole.

Thursday, I took the opportunity of having a 'captive' audience (pretty sure they would say a captured audience) and we cleaned the house together. Everybody did their assigned jobs, some of us needed more guidance and instruction that others (BoyTwo and Three). In the end, we got it done and it looked so great for the three seconds it lasted:)

Friday, we were able to get discounted tickets to Lagoon (an amusement park) and we spent the day there. We arrived a little after noon and stayed until after ten. We all had such a great time. The kids are all old enough now that I can actually stay the whole time. We go to Lagoon once a year. When the girls were little, I would take the littlest ones home for lunch and a nap, feed them dinner and go back. Huz would stay with the older ones. The oldest five are all tall enough to go on most of the rides. Huz can't do spinning rides and they are my FAVORITE!! It really relaxes me. I don't like roller coasters. I feel like my brain is being jostled around in my skull and I get headaches. Huz can do the roller coasters. So, it works out really, really well.

So far, all of the kids have enjoyed all the rides. One won't try going on Wicked, which is a roller coaster, and Three, Four and BoyTwo are too short. Huz takes BoyOne and Two on Wicked while the rest of us go on a spinning ride nearby.

This year marks the first year that I haven't had to pack a diaper bag.

It was like a Christmas miracle.

Saturday we went to the baptism of four of the boys' friends from Matviivka. I think that while BoyOne has resisted contact with his friends up to this point, he really enjoyed being with them. It amazes me to see the incredible progress these kids have made in so many different areas. It really encourages me. I think that it is hard to see change if you look at each day. When you step back and look at the big picture, it's easier to see how far the boys have come. If I were to journal everything that takes place each day, it would be a crazy report of highs and lows, the chart would be all over the place. If I look at a week at a time, I can honestly say that it has been good. Anyhow, it was great to watch these kids interact with each other and it was great for me to be able to interact with their parents:) Good times.

Sunday was a regular Sunday. Church (which is getting much easier and accepted by the boys) and dinner at our house. We did have a family meeting where I reinstated daily jobs (we've had quite the vacation since bringing the boys home) and we talked about the importance of working together as a team. We outlined for the boys, and reminded the girls, what our family values are and what they encompass. I like to have these little meetings several times a year to evaluate where we are as a family unit, and give each of us time to think about how we are doing personally. We also wrote and signed a "Family Agreement" to affirm our commitment to each other as a family, and to ourselves.

"My relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is the most important thing in my life. The next most important relationship is with my family. My education comes next, followed by my other friendships and extracurricular activities. My actions will demonstrate my commitment to this. At times it may be necessary to eliminate participation in extracurricular activities and limit time spent with friends so as to provide adequate time for the more important things in my life."

I know that it is easy for me to get wrapped up in the various things I am involved in and then one day, wham!! I realize that I have let the more important things in my life take the back seat. I find that I have to 'self-check' a lot, or else my life becomes unbalanced. If I don't self-check I eventually realize that I've let things slip, but only when life has become truly difficult. I'd much rather reevaluate how I'm doing on a regular base than realize things are out of whack when I crash and burn.

Yesterday, Monday, BoyOne had his final soccer game for the fall season. He scored the first goal for his team by heading it in. It was such a powerful hit that hours later, he still had a headache from it, but was so so so happy! He will play on an indoor team this winter, then during the spring months his team will play outdoor again.

Tonight we had a translator come to our home. He is a returned missionary who served in Russia. He got home in June, so the language is very fresh for him and he enjoyed talking with the boys. It was nice to be able to know for sure that the boys needs are being met and that they are happy. We asked BoyOne if he knew that we loved him. He kind of shrugged his shoulders. We took the opportunity to tell him that we love them both so much and are so glad that they are a part of our family. We told them that when we say 'I love you' it's not to be nice or because we feel like we have to, but because we truly mean it. I went on to tell him that for years we had prayed to be able to find the children that God wanted us to adopt, that we knew God had led us to find them. I told him that we had so many problems with documents during the adoption that the only way we were able to complete the adoption was through the blessing of God. I told him that we feel that BoyOne and BoyTwo are a blessing to us, a gift from God.

We also had the missionaries from our church over to our house. They talked with BoyOne about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and about prayer being the way we communicate with God. They explained that God blesses us and loves us. Then while I finished preparing dinner, the boys played pool. After we ate, the missionaries left and we did homework. After the littles were all in bed, BoyOne and One and Two were a little wound up. It took a little extra effort to get them to go to sleep... When we went upstairs to tuck everyone in for the night, we found BoyOne asleep on the floor at the top of our stairs:) Every one of our children has done this (gotten off their bed and fallen asleep in the hall), even BoyTwo. Up to this point BoyOne was the only one who had not yet done so. I am so glad that he did. I took pictures to document it just as I have done for the others. If we ever get our computer fixed, I'll upload the photos:)

BoyOne

*this is a p.s.

For his health class, BoyOne was to make a collage on 1/2 sheet of poster board that showed 'who he was' and 'what he was all about.' What I thought was going to be a quick and easy, rip a few pictures out of magazines, project, turned into a 3 hour event. He wanted soccer on there, of course, but not just a soccer ball. We literally spent one entire hour looking at HUNDREDS (I kid you not) of soccer balls so that we could find just. the right. one. Anyhow, I ended up telling him to glue the pictures on the board while I put all the littles to bed. When I came back downstairs and looked at his nearly finished project, I was so impressed to see TWO pictures of Jesus on his board! This from a kid who told us he had heard of God and Jesus but did not really know anything about them, nor was he sure that he believed in them. :)

When I dropped him off at school this morning, in front of a hundred other kids, he waved to me and yelled,

"Bye! Love you, Mom!"

Doesn't get much better than that:)

Drama

This morning BoyOne woke up with his first zit. Over and over he pointed to it and shook his head. He didn't want to go to school. I explained to him what it was, in case he didn't know and told him we'd buy him a specific face cleaner later today. I also added that this is why it is important to shower every day. Although, I'm not sure that is true given that he never showered in Ukraine and had no acne...

Four was having a major meltdown because she doesn't like to wear underwear. We go through this nearly every morning because she simply must wear underwear. We've tried all kinds of sizes and styles of undies. She plain and simple doesn't like them.

It was a dramatic morning.

The Guide

Laugh if you will, but years ago, early on in my parenting career, I developed what I call 'The Year by Year Guide to Teaching Our Children to Become Responsible Adults.'

Beginning at age three, there is a list of skills that I teach the child. The list goes up to age sixteen. We use this guide when we assign jobs, when we set our annual personal goals, and when we have Family Home Evenings. I had begun to become overwhelmed with all the things I was needing to teach my children before sending them out to fend for themselves and decided that if I had a list to refer to, it would greatly ease my panic. The list also has a place for me to 'check off' things the child learns and masters, therefore providing me with the much needed sense of accomplishment.

Nerdy as it may sound, the kids love it. Each child has their own binder that contains these checklists, their report cards from school and their 'Birthday Update,' which is another nerdy form that I created for them to document what kinds of things they were interested in and participating in on each birthday. I keep these binders in my bedroom on my bookshelf and I will often find the girls looking through them, reminding themselves what I should be teaching them and getting excited about the upcoming ages. Now, lest you begin to want to tell me that each child is different, blah blah blah, I will tell you that this is why it is called a GUIDE and that there are blank lines on each age in case something needs to be added (in the unlikely event that I forgot something) and certainly, if needed, something could be crossed off. I may or may not be behind a full year with one of my daughters... Don't judge me.

Just to give you an idea (something to laugh at), here are a couple samples from 'The Guide.'

AGE 3

dress self

potty trained

brushes teeth on own

says prayers independently

picks up and properly stores toys

wipes walls, doors and appliances

wash own body

memorize full name, city, state, and parent's names

graduate from mini-gym (a tumbling program each of my kids have participated in)

participate in a play group

AGE 8

get baptized

read scriptures daily and independently

make regular journal entries

load dishwasher properly

bake a cake

make cookies

understand puberty and sex (to an appropriate level)

clean sinks

unload dishwasher

wrap presents

start a load of laundry

sew a button

basic first aid (a.k.a. you only need a bandaid if blood is dripping)

groom nails (not to be confused with trimming own nails which is learned at age 5. grooming nails for me means keeping your cuticles pushed back, your nails even, not jagged, and underneath the nail clean)

change bedding

AGE 13

check, and if necessary add fluids, in car

fill car with gas

paint a room or a wall inside the house

use a weed whacker

set and keep a simple budget (they start doing this with mom at age five and are now on their own, with help when warranted)

certify in CPR

make jam

make dinner rolls

make and keep appointments (dental exams, etc. haircuts by this point have been scheduled on their own for four years)

reschedule appointments

understand prescriptions (refilling at appropriate times, insurance coverage, etc)

understand over the counter medications

attend church youth activities

complete goals

AGE 15

change a flat tire on a car

jump start a car

memorize yearly scriptures as dictated by curriculum

certify as a life guard

prepare resume

learn to ask for and fill out job applications

take the ACT exam

Today I caught my girlies reading their lists and squealing with excitement over being able to weed whack in a couple of years. hahaha. At our house, jobs go over much better when they are referred to as 'Adult Training.'

While they looked, I decided that I should probably prepare similar lists for the boys. Then, because I hadn't even showered in three days, I decided that the current lists would have to do, I would just make adjustments along the way. I printed off a 'Guide' for the boys and grabbed a pen so that I could mark off all of their accomplishments and better determine what I would need to take care of.

Bad idea.

The only two things I could check off for either boy were on the three year old list. Dress Self and Potty Trained. And dress self was being very very liberal with BoyTwo.

It hit me again how much I have to teach these cute boys, and in the case of BoyOne, in not a lot of time. Panic set in as I had visions of future daughters-in-law wondering why I never taught their husbands to throw away garbage or use deodorant. Then, panic was replaced by a sense of peace. I felt the Spirit whisper to me, 'relax Stephanie. One thing at a time.'

More than anything I want these two sons of mine to know their Heavenly Father and their Savior. Next, I want them to have the knowledge and ability to be a successful adult. My definition of that is being a responsible, self-sufficient adult, to be a positively contributing member of society, and to have inner peace. This is my hope for all my children. It is what I try to remember when I am parenting these children that the have been entrusted to me.

'The Guide' helps me to feel more organized and productive, but today I was reminded of WHO the real guide is. I know that with the Lord's help, I'll know what to teach them and when. I know that He will make up the deficit and that I must always remember this. (I also know that if I was reading my scriptures every day it would be easier to remember this...) The adversary is there constantly, telling me that it can't be done, that they will not learn, that they cannot change, that I cannot help them. It's easy to become discouraged and to lose hope. But then, I'll see a glimpse of the boys that our Heavenly Father knows and I am reminded that I cannot help them, but He can. I know that with Him, they will learn, they will change, that they will be who they were meant to be.

One

We recently celebrated One's birthday. She's a pretty cool chick. She and I enjoy a lot of similar hobbies. Reading, scrapbooking, sewing, shopping, pedicures, planning. She can hardly wait until we wear the same size shoe so that we can share.

One is a lot of fun to be around. She has a sunshiney personality. She's usually happy. When she was two we were driving and she was singing and talking loudly. I said, 'you are so loud!' She answered back, 'I'm not loud, I'm just happy!'

One makes friends very easily. She has friends all over the country. She is a social butterfly. She's creative and innovative. She loves to come up with ideas and things to sell. She is good at saving her money and worked really hard this year to save up enough money to pay for her solo dance fees. She even gave us some of her money to help pay for the adoption of her brothers.

Here she is with Four. One is a great big sister. She likes to dress up with her sisters. They can pretend play for hours.

Another evidence of her love for dressing up. Here she is in green with one of her many friends. They dressed up like boys to try to fool the neighbors. They think they are hilarious. And I guess they are:) Her laugh is contagious. It's one of those that you start laughing because she's laughing so hard but you have no idea why you're laughing.

Funny. Dressed up again. I didn't mean to pull so many pictures of her dressed up-just ones that really show her personality. The child oozes personality. Oozes it! She loves to dance and she's pretty good, too. She has a lot of natural abilities. Lucky. She's a fabulous gymnast, dancer, artist, and student. She is incredibly creative. It sometimes gets her into trouble...

This is a picture of her from her 8th birthday. Her hair is so long there. Her hair grows really fast and she has great hair. She has cut it off and donated it to be made into a wig three times. Speaking of hair, she has been doing her own hair since she was five. I was so disappointed. I love love love to do their hair. So, we had to make a bargain. I got to do it on Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursdays. She was in kindergarten and could braid her own hair. Now, she will help me in the mad dash to get out the door to church on time. I love when we hang out together at night and she'll play with my hair while I read aloud to her. It's so relaxing that I usually fall asleep while I'm reading to her and either look really funny or start talking really bizarre, which she loves because it is so hilarious to her. My siblings and I used to lay on my mom's bed while she was falling asleep. We'd try to have conversations with her just so we could hear her say crazy things and get a kick out of it. What goes around comes around, right?

This is last year's class pet, Leo. We got to babysit for the weekend while the boys were here for their hosting trip. One thing that I love about my girls is that they are girly but not afraid of things like big lizards crawling over them, or holding snakes, or playing ball. The boys were scared of this lizard, but after all the girls, including Four, demonstrated that it was harmless, they finally agreed to hold him. Now we all (well, all the females in the house) want our own lizard, but we haven't been able to figure out where to put it...

The only problem with her is that she prefers donuts over ice cream. Seriously though, the girl LOVES her donuts. Her past three birthdays I haven't even been able to make a cake, because she just wants donuts!!

I'm so glad to have One as my daughter. She rocks. We have lots of fun together and I look forward to more good times and possible girl trips. Just now she told me she wants an i-Pod touch for Christmas. Since she's reading this, I'll answer her here.

Keep dreaming:)

Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Little Update

Both boys were sent to their principal's offices. Again. On the same day. I'm truly glad for it though. I think it will only benefit them to know their boundaries and what is expected of them.

BoyTwo. Huz said it perfect when he described BoyTwo as Stitch from Lilo and Stitch.

"He's from another planet. He's an alien trying to be a dog."

Fits him to a t.

While BoyTwo professes to hate school (he is always chanting 'skoola ploha' which is school bad), he actually asked to go this morning, but couldn't because he has a cough. Now it's not that the cough is so terrible, but the fact that he doesn't cover his mouth when he coughs or wash his hands, or keep his mouth off of things, or talk (or even just sit) without spitting, that is keeping him home from school the past two days. I'm tempted to make him wear a face mask to keep the germs from spreading. Interesting aside, I'm not sure what they do in Ukraine to treat coughs, but BoyTwo has been extremely concerned that we are going to stick something up his rear end to make his cough go away. Don't get me wrong. I'd be concerned too, if I thought someone was going to do that to me for a cough. ?!?! They also think that if he can throw up, the coughing will end. He's been trying to gag himself.

Tonight, BoyTwo was in trouble for hitting and pushing other kids down (shocking I know) and when I asked him to sit on the stairs for a little time out, he screamed at me, in English, 'BoyTwo no sleep!' I guess when I pointed to the stairs and said sit, he misunderstood and thought I was sending him to bed. I loved that he yelled in English though! Progress. And he still wants kisses. Last night he woke up coughing and was yelling for me. 'Mama, mama!' How awesome is it that he has someone to yell to in the middle of the night?! I was overcome with joy and gratitude at 2 a.m.

BoyOne is loving school. Loving it! Well, loving the social aspect of things:) His English is coming right along. I'm amazed. He has said a couple of cute, funny things that I'd like to document:

"oooh. Brrrrr. It's ice cream today!" and then a second later, "ice cream morozhneea? Oops."

(morozhneea is Russian for ice cream. he had caught that he had used the wrong word. he meant to say that it was cold)

"oh yes, P and P." referring to how much he loves his PE class at school

When I picked him up from school today, he had rolled one pant leg up. Hello Punky Brewster. Sweeeeeet.

He is darling with the other kids in the family. He is a great big brother. He takes Four on rides on the motor scooter, helps Three and Two with their homework, and all six of them play so well together. We have had several versions of the world cup in our family room, along with tag, 'american' football, and tickling wars. The three bigs like to ripstick together. BoyTwo likes to drive the pink Barbie jeep while Three holds on to the back for a ride. It's so safe. They all like to jump on the trampoline. One taught BoyTwo how to pump his legs on the swing set. It is the coolest thing to watch them all outside playing together. It's all good:)

The Case of the Missing Undies

After noticing that both boys were 'missing' a significant number of underwear, we asked them where the rest of their underwear was. Of course, they did not know, so we launched an investigation/search party.

We have looked in every drawer in the house, every closet, and every cupboard.

Nothing.

We looked under beds, under mattresses, under sheets, under drawers and underneath all pieces of furniture we have.

Nothing.

We looked in garbage cans and through garbage itself.

Nothing.

We even searched the basement and the air vents (BoyTwo is fascinated with putting things in there).

Still nothing.

I'm really hoping that they threw them away and we somehow missed finding them in our search and that they aren't hiding out somewhere dirty. Ew.

It's such a mystery to me. I've also noticed that BoyOne puts his dirty clothes back into his drawers. Even his icky socks. The smell was the dead give away there:) With BoyTwo, I've taken to helping him bathe and dress so that I can see firsthand that everything is getting put where it is supposed to go. We'll have to figure out another system for BoyOne, or use the system that is used with his brother as a threat. It makes me wonder how often clothing really was washed at the orphanage. It smelled like never. I'm beginning to think that it probably never was, if the kids always just traded their clothing with each other, or put it back into the closets dirty. That would explain the smell and the dirt.

So, we never did find the undies. Being unwilling to wash their two pair of underwear every other day, I caved and bought them each a new package. That isn't to say that I don't do wash every single day, because I do. Just not a load of underclothing every other day. Good grief!

...sorry if the title led you to believe there was a funny story ahead...

Proud and Not So Proud

Today I had a proud mommy moment when my son was sent to the principal's office. Shortly thereafter, I had a not so proud mommy moment when my other son was sent to the office.

This morning, as I dropped off BoyTwo at school, prepared to stay with him for the day, I received an email from the junior high regarding some 'problems' they were having with BoyOne. The school was not nearly as upset as I was. They are going through what the elementary school has been going through, feeling bad for him, this is so hard for him, he's been through so much...

I kid you not. I got to that school in no time flat. I talked with the school counselor and one of the teachers, who happened to be available. I also emailed the other teachers. I then pulled BoyOne out of class for a minute to talk to him. I didn't have to yell or get super mad, I just told him what we had been told by the school and followed by what our expectations for his behavior were. He said ok and I took him back to class.

I got back to the elementary just in time to hear BoyTwo swear at his teacher. She was escorting him to his seat for being disruptive during an activity and he was mad. I think he was pretty surprised when I showed up out of thin air to make him apologize. He's mostly stopped swearing at home, which is big because every other word was a curse in the beginning, but the swearing continues at school. I do not want him to think that he can get away with it just because he is away from our home. It's not okay anywhere!!

During lunch recess he punched a little girl in the stomach, out of nowhere. I made him apologize, again he was surprised to see me. But, that wasn't enough for me. I marched him into his teacher and told her what he had done and asked her what the consequence for violence at school was. She told me he had to go to the principal's office. I was ECSTATIC!!!!

It was fabulous. Our principal is a big guy and is very well liked by the students. He rarely has to be the bad guy, but because of the language barrier, he couldn't have a little chat about why hurting others is not okay. He brought BoyTwo in front of him and pantomimed punching someone and said no. Followed by, "no, no, no," while shaking his finger at him. BoyTwo was about as subdued as I've seen him for awhile. It was working!! Principal next sat BoyTwo in the corner of his office at a desk. The desk was not facing the corner, but facing the principal. Principal then gave BoyTwo a piece of paper to write the sentence "I will not hit people anymore." He filled five pages. I love it!!!

Do I think it cured him of hitting or punching? Probably not. But having that happen five more times will. We are on the road to a better school experience for all-I hope.

After I picked up BoyOne, I got a call from the Junior High about his visit to the principal's office. Sigh. This was the not so proud mommy moment. He knows better. One of his teachers changed the seating assignments in her class and moved him to the front, to better monitor him and his behavior. He would. not. move. Flat out refused to do work. She had no other option but to send him to the office.

So, tonight Huz and I had a talk with him. I guess he probably doesn't truly understand respect. The respect he is used to is won out of force or manipulation and its power is abused and flaunted. It's different here and I guess that will take some time. My husband told him if he was sent to the office again, that he would go to school with him and have him sit on his lap. The funny thing is that my good friend, Kim, suggested saying this to him and I thought surely Huz would think I was crazy with a capital c. I didn't even mention it to him though and he came up with it on his own. It was pretty funny.

The Junior High had talked about compromising with BoyOne to let him feel comfortable and to let him know they were willing to meet him halfway.

?!?!

Oh, yes. I told them that I 'highly advised otherwise,' and gave them a list of reasons why that was not okay. The number one reason being that he is not in charge, they are. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

The great thing is that both school have been so good to work with. The district has promptly provided both kids with an English tutor for two hours a day for language instruction. The teachers and staff have all tried to make the boys feel welcome and work with us on any concerns we may have. We are so, so blessed to have that kind of support.

Anyhow, stay tuned. There may a story in here sometime soon about me going to Pre-Algebra and holding BoyOne on my lap...

**oh my goodness! I almost forgot to tell you about my favorite part of today. The principal didn't give BoyTwo five papers at a time. He gave him one and when that one was filled, he gave him another and another. When Principal handed him the third piece of paper, BoyTwo said, "Thank you." Now that, my friends, is something to be excited about!!!!!!!!!

I've Heard It Said

"... one step forward, two steps back..."

I think we may be on that plan with BoyTwo. Or possibly a one step forward, five steps back. I'm feeling a bit better about BoyOne at the moment. His English is coming along great and he has been speaking to me for five whole days now! I think it's a record. Which probably means it is about to come to a screeching halt. Oh well...

School has been, shall we say, rough for BoyTwo. And even more rough for the poor souls who are attempting to reign him in and educate him. This morning I dropped him off at 8:45 (remember, he can't ride the bus. I'm fine with this as I don't want to be responsible for whatever he may do while on the bus...), drove Four and her carpool to school which starts at 9:30, drove back home where I walked into the house to a ringing phone.

It was BoyTwo's teacher. He had been at school for 1 hour and 20 minutes. She was calling me to come pick him up. It was that bad. And I know she is not a wimp. She is patient with him, calm demeanor... Anyhow, she told me that 'it might be best to call it a day.' I was already planning to be at the school, as I have been every day since he started school. I usually do work for other teachers, or PTO stuff and then they call me down if they need me. Today I was hoping to shower before I headed to the school though, and that is why I was at home. So nix the shower and jump into the car in a mad dash to save BoyTwo's teacher.

Let me tell you about what he did during his hour and twenty minutes at school:

yelling

hitting

pushing

kicking

running out of the classroom and hiding in the bathroom locking the door behind him

covering his ears with his hands and saying 'lalalalala'

crude. very crude.

running around the classroom

extremely disrespectful toward the teacher and his personal aide

The aide takes him out of the classroom for English language instruction for four half hour sessions a day. Because we have only ever managed to make it half of a day, she is only instructing him for two of those times. One in the morning and one after lunch. This lady is the mother of twelve. She is such a nice, kind, caring woman.

Both his regular teacher and the aide were DONE. And I don't blame them a bit. BoyTwo sees me and runs up to me, arms outstretched, smile on his face, saying, "Mami! Mami!"

Because you see, he's got this one figured out. If he is naughty, he gets to go home. I'm trying to tell the school this, but I also recognize that he is not the only child in his class. After a quick hug (I don't want to not hug him because I don't want him to think I'm rejecting him...), we set in for a talking to after which he apologizes to both teachers. The other kids are at recess. I make him sit by the window and watch them play for a five minute time out. I was more inclined to make him miss the whole recess, but the teacher told me that her rule with the other kids who misbehave is for them to miss five minutes. He should have just missed the whole thing, because that's about what happened anyway and it would have prevented the infractions from happening.

After his time out, I allowed him to go into recess, with me CLOSELY watching. He does really well.

For about four seconds. Then he pushes a little girl off the jungle gym. After an apology, he stands against the wall, a recess time out. Knowing that he really needs to release some energy, I have him sit another five minutes. At this point there are five minutes left of their recess. I allow him to go play. Why am I so daft?! Seriously. He walked right up to a girl and pushed her. Back to the wall where he started swearing at me, which got him into more trouble.

Another 'talking to.' It sounds a lot like this:

"Nyet! Nyet! Nyet skzheetya ploho. Nyet (pantomime pushing). Nyet (pantomime kicking). BoyTwo gavareesh horosho. Nyet ploho. BoyTwo horosho. Skazheetya, 'sorry mom,' 'sorry teacher1', 'sorry teacher2,' 'sorry kids that I randomly attack.'

I went to lunch with him, as I do every. single. day. It is kind of fun though. I get to eat with Two and Three at the same time. Three and BoyTwo are in the same class with Two in the grade right above them, so their lunches are basically at the same time. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I also have Four with me. It's like a family reunion.

Lunch recess. In the five minutes that he was 'playing' he took his shirt off, kicked a girl in the crotch, and pushed another boy. So much for lunch recess. I am starting to realize just how lacking his ability to socialize is. I think I will have to help him have recess. hmmm.

I accompanied him to his afternoon session with his aide where I made him do what she had planned for him (interactive and tactile), much to his dismay. He's used to flashing the lights on and off and running around. He also has been known to run out of the classroom, then, when the teacher comes out to get him, he runs back in and locks the teacher out. He is Stitch.

Of course, when he comes home early, we continue 'school' and he is not allowed to sit on his butt and watch t.v. or play games. It's frustrating because he is doing so much better at home and I know it's because we absolutely DO NOT let him get away with anything. It's a difficult situation that I would love to hear suggestions on, if you have any. I worry that if I accompany him to class each day, he will never respect his teacher as the authority figure. (that and I might go nutso:)) I also worry about being an overbearing parent. But, I know that I can make him do what he is supposed to do. I also strongly feel that no teacher who has 25 other kids in her class should have to take care of this little guy on her own. It isn't fair to her or the other students. If you are thinking he needs 'sensory breaks,' I beg to differ. Between the recesses and breaks that he has with his aide before they start to study, he is getting them. Two has SPD so I feel confident in saying that his sensory needs are being met. I told the teachers that I would LOVE for him to be sent to the office four times a day. The kid needs consequences. He's that wild mustang that needs to be corralled so that he can calm down, begin to know what to expect, and then feel safe. Saying it and doing it are two different things though.

Ideas? Suggestions? Anyone?

Thanks:)

p.s. I'm doing great. I really feel like I'm in a good place right now. I'm trying to get more sleep and I'm not feeling crazed or at my wits end, and that's a good thing! Just wanting to be very open and honest because I am open for ideas from any of you old pros out there who have been there, done that, so I want you to know what is going on...

p.p.s. I feel so very blessed. When it's late at night and my eyes are filled with sand and my body feels heavy, when I've started the third load of laundry for the day, the second load of dishes, and am smelling my dog's stinky farts, as I make my way to my bed, I am overcome with gratitude as I step over six pairs of shoes, numerous toys and other random objects scattered wildly about the house. Most days I don't see a mess, but an evidence that these spirited children live in this very house, with me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am so grateful for each one of my children and the blessing it is to be their mom. It's all good.