Scattered

Great title for this post. My thoughts are more scattered than usual, but I'm afraid if I don't get some of them down now, it may not happen for awhile:)

Saturday started out fabulously. I woke up at 7 (way too early on a Saturday:)) to call the boys. Yana, our interpreter paid them a visit at the internat and told us we could call her phone to speak to them. It was the best way to start the day! BoyThree got on the line and said "Hello" and everyone on the other line started to giggle. It was fun to hear his voice and in English, no less. BoyOne had fun in Harkiv and said his foot was feeling better. BoyTwo, when asked if he needed anything, told us he would like a red robot, a telephone and to come to America. Consider one and three DONE!!! BoyThree wants us to meet his aunt, three little cousins and a grandmother (maybe a great grandmother? lost in translation a little). I suggested a family reunion. The boys thought that a great idea. I asked for their shoe sizes knowing that most shoes list US sizes as well as European sizes. They wanted to know why. Don't get too excited boys, just a pair of flip flops to get us by until you get home and pick out your own shoes. It was so great to hear their voices, and Yana's too. Can't wait to see them again and really can't wait to get them home. I have a lot to keep me busy this month until we go, but I feel like it is taking for.ev.er.

For many months, since we started this adoption process, I have had a nagging thought in my mind. I haven't had the nerve to blog about it, afraid I would not be able to articulate my thoughts well and potentially offend someone. Then, I read a post on another mom's blog of her thoughts on this same subject. It gave me courage to try, so here goes:

Here we are, bringing these children into our home, adopting them as our own, loving them as our own, giving them opportunities that their previous life would not afford them. It may appear that we are 'saving' them. One thing that has been made clear to me from before ever meeting these boys is that it is they who will save me. There they sit on the other side of the world without the knowledge of a Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. They are not aware of the 'opportunities' the are missing out on, the 'grim' future that they will have, the love of family they lack. For them, this is life, as it is for many in their country-which is why they are where they are. Sure, they don't always love the internat or the food, but it is all they know and many are even scared to leave, even with the promise of love and a better tomorrow.

It seems silly to us, even troubling, that they don't understand the possibility of the statistic they will likely become. They think they would be fine without us. Not by our standards and certainly not by the Lord's. But they would, because they don't know any different. That, my friends, is what grabs me. They don't know. They don't understand. We do. I do. And what am I going to do about it??? Because of them I have been already driven to my knees, forced to rely on none other than God himself. I have had opportunities already where I have had to completely turn myself over to Heavenly Father and been guided by him, my very words, my very steps. You may be thinking that these things can happen any time, any place, and to any one. You don't have to adopt orphans from Ukraine to experience this. This is true. For me, however, this is where we are being taken. This is our journey, my journey.

Today in church we discussed how Heavenly Father will not give us trials more than we can handle. He knows our limits and strengths and abilities and will use these trials to strengthen us, to refine us. This is not a new concept to me, it is something that I have known for as long as I can remember. What I was taught/reminded of today, in my heart, is this: God will not give us any trial that we cannot overcome with Him. A trial may certainly be more than we can handle... alone. We can only overcome these trials with Him. The purpose of trial is to strengthen us and refine us and most importantly, bring us to Him.

As we prepare to embark on this journey of adding three boys to our family through the miracle of adoption, I anticipate being brought to my knees even more than I have already. I plan on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior growing. I plan on stretching and becoming and changing in ways that I didn't know were possible, and that I didn't know I needed. I know that this will be hard. I know that. How could it not be?! I only hope that during these times I can remember to ask the Lord what He wants me to do with whatever is placed before me. I pray that I will always remember how privileged I am to have found these boys, our boys, who ended up half a world away from us, whose lives we share with another set of parents who did what they could until we found each other, who we were led and guided to at this exact time for an exact reason that we may not know or comprehend. I'm grateful to them for somehow trusting us 'Americans' who smile a lot and give hugs and sit on the ground to be their parents. What a miracle it is for them, after all they have experienced, to have enough faith and trust to come half way around the world with strangers who speak a different language, who showed up with a photo album and promises of love and family. Their examples of hope, courage, faith and trust is breathtaking.