Second Week of Summer and Food Issues

This week I surprised One and had her best friend come stay with us for a week.  These two have been buddies since they were four and have lived far apart from each other for the past five years.  It was so fun to watch them together and hear them giggle about everything.  Now One is off to spend the week with her friend in her neck of the woods.

We've been busy with dance.  We have had two dance recitals.  Monday was a competition group dress rehearsal.  Tuesday was a regular dress rehearsal.  Wednesday was a recital.  Thursday was tryouts.  I've had enough dance to last me all summer.  This past year I had my four daughters at three different dance studios.  We left One at her studio she has been with for the past five years because they do such a good job and she loves it there and we couldn't find anywhere else that we loved and felt good about changing to.  I put Two at a studio that I had heard great things about, hoping that we could move One to this studio if all went well.  Unfortunately, it was much less than we had hoped for all around.  The teacher wasn't great (at the end of the year I found out that she had a bunch of complaints from other parents because she was so mean and because the girls honestly didn't learn much.  I had thought this was just a problem we were having as Two is a bit sensitive and isn't as naturally gifted with dancing.  But instead, I found out that it wasn't just us and everyone was unhappy.  Other classes were awesome, and still some were not, so I still don't think I'll change my decision to leave the studio.  I guess it just wasn't for us...)  Three and Four were at a local studio with a teacher that is the nicest woman on the planet.  She loves to dance and does this out of the kindness of her heart.  Her fees are incredibly low and the girls always left dance happy.  One thing I noticed with this studio though was that the teacher is soooo nice that parents take advantage of her kind heart and drop their holy terrors off to (or even worse, sit and watch them) torment and disrupt the class making it difficult and annoying for others who are there trying to learn.  Four did just fine, but Three is a bit of a crowd follower and often got hyped up with a couple of the other girls and ended up being disruptive herself.  I had to sit during her class and pull her sometimes for not paying attention.  This was frustrating for her because she was the only one being pulled when there were lots of other girls behaving like this.  This was frustrating for me because the other moms would just smile and watch their little crazies like it was the cutest thing in the world to watch them sass the teacher and run around and refuse to dance.  I tell you, though, I was so impressed with the teacher for not once losing her cool.  She was always calm and kind and encouraging.    I love One's dance studio.  They gain a lot of from the instruction they receive and they come away happy and feeling self-confident.  Problem here is it is a 50 minute drive three times a week.  On the bright side, I convinced another mom that lives by me to have her daughter join the team. Now hopefully we can car pool it a little.

I busted the kids this week for swimming in the pond that is on the golf course.  Niiiice.  How trashy is that?!  They even took over their towels and swim goggles which happened to be what tipped me off to the idea that they might be up to something.  They generally spend a lot of time in the creek behind our house and sometimes will take goggles with them to look for balls that have been lost in the creek, but the whole herd of them traipsing through the woods, towels in hand, sunscreened, and goggle clad was a bit fishy.  Hopefully nobody else saw this before I caught up with them and had them come home.

One benefit we get from going to dance during the week is the opportunity we have to get snow cones.  This is not a treat that we have up here in the valley (we live in the mountains but it is called 'the valley' and after living here for two years I am starting to cave and refer to it as the valley also, although the name makes no sense to me.  I do realize that we are in a little valley in the mountains and that this is where the nickname comes from, but truly it sounds so ridiculous to me...) and we love to stop and get one to eat on our way home.  We did this twice this past week.

Another day, I went into our local market to get ice cream for the kids (this is a steal of a deal.  A huge cone for 50 cents.  Can't beat that!).  I left them sitting in the car which is okay to do here (before you begin to judge, please bear in mind that there were two almost twelve year olds in the car with everyone).  As I came back to the car with my hands and arms full of ice cream, the kids all stared at me through the window as I said, 'Open the door please,' several times, only to have them all continue to stare at me.  Luckily, a very tattooed man with a shaved head was sitting on the hood of his car having a smoke and offered to open the door for me, which I was very grateful for.  Except when he opened the door the kids all screamed bloody freaking murder and a couple of them yelled something like, 'help!' or 'robber!'  So, so, so very embarrassing.  Obviously this experience opened my eyes to the fact that we as a family have a few things to discuss about appearances and not judging others.

Today Huz took Three, Two, and BoyTwo to the lake.  It is quite windy and only 65 degrees.  I think they are crazy.  But, I have a little less noise here, so I'm not complaining at all:)

Yesterday we had coupons for the amusement park that is near our old house, so we packed up the troops and headed down.  One's BFF's family met us there and we had such a good time.  It makes me sad that we only see them once or twice a year.  All of our kids play so well together and the adults are all friends.  It was a great day and we were sad that it was over.

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I'm wondering if any of you have anything to offer regarding food issues.  BoyTwo has, I believe, some food issues, which I know can be fairly typical of post-institutionalized kids.  Here's the deal.  BoyTwo is scrappy.  He is a tiny little thing.  At eight years old he is the height of most 6-7 year olds and really skinny.  He is growing (in height and weight) since coming here and has even gone up a clothing size.  All that to say I am not worried about his health, nor is the physician.  

In the beginning we did not limit or restrict food in any way, shape or form for obvious reasons.  It quickly became clear that we would need to provide boundaries for him though.  For example, more than one time he ate an entire half of a lasagna that was in an 11 x 15 pan.  The rest of the family, all seven of us, ate the other half and even had seconds, just to give you an idea of how much food that is.  He wanted more food.  He then got sick because he had eaten so much.  In one day he ate six apples and nine bananas.  For breakfast he will eat an entire box of cereal.  Everyone would tell me, 'Oh you're just not used to boys' (which was super annoying because actually, girls can and do eat a lot too and I'm fairly confident that I'm not so stupid that I can't recognize when a kid is hungry and when he is gorging himself because of his past), and 'he's growing!' or 'he's making up for lost time.'  After it became clear that he was not feeling/recognizing that he was full, we began a 'family rule' that you could only have two helpings at dinner.  Don't think that we are starving the kid, Huz and BoyOne can't even eat the amount of food this provides, yet BoyTwo will literally inhale it.  As in not chewing.  In the beginning several months there would be food everywhere, his hair, his eyes, his ears, his clothing.  Really, everywhere.  Now that the boys have been home for nine months, things have improved, but he still has some problems.  He still wants to shovel and he must be reminded to chew.  I'm not too concerned about this, it will come.

I'm looking for ideas on how to help BoyTwo.  I think he is scared that he will not ever eat again or have enough food.  Sometimes he will admit to this.  Most of the time he says that he knows he will eat again, so maybe it's just habitual?  I don't know.  I know that this fear of not having enough to eat or not being given the opportunity to eat will possibly haunt him the rest of his life, but I want to do everything we can to help him know that he will not starve.  This is what we do:  we consistently have three meals a day, at the same times, and I give a snack two times a day-once in the morning and once in the afternoon.  At any time of day he can have an apple, banana or orange, but only one of each per day (because the first week of summer he ate four bananas, three apples and two oranges before I cut him off at noon the first day).  He is always wanting more food.  He will often come ask for food in between meals and snacks (I don't think he is hungry because I truly believe he is getting more than enough food).  Maybe I'm way off, but after eggs and pancakes for breakfast, two sandwiches and carrots for lunch, crackers in the morning, a banana, apple and orange, popsicle, popcorn and nuts all before 5 o'clock, I have a hard time believing he is hungry.  This is where the problem lies.  I don't want to withhold food, but I also don't want him being sick any more because he's eating too much.  I think that he thinks he will not get enough food ever again.  I don't know if he used to see the hoards of food the orphanage fixed each day for the 300 kids that lived there and because he was still always hungry he thinks that he has to eat everything that is in his sight or what.  I know that the boys never had enough food.  Not ever.  Not pre-orphanage or at the orphanage.  At lunch at school (here) he would eat (grab and eat) the other kids' food.  This is why I had to eat lunch with him every day for the first half of the school year.  He got better about this, but it was because the other kids had been instructed to not allow him to take their food.  He still tried, but there was intervention.  Does that make sense?  He also steals food from other kids if they have food.  This was bad at school and it caused a lot of problems.  He is better about this at home.  Usually.  As for gorging himself, he either doesn't know or can't tell that he is full.  He still makes himself sick sometimes (and those of us who are watching him:))

What are some things that you all have done to help your post-institutionalized kids with food issues?  Does it just take time?  Right now my goal is to help him learn to be appropriate at mealtimes.  Meaning using utensils, chewing food, using one hand to feed oneself, using a napkin, engage in conversation.  He has improved, but I still see panic in his eyes sometimes.  I just want him to not be stressed anymore about food.  I want him to be able to relax a little and come out of survival mode.  Let me know if you have any tips I can try:)