venting

FYI: This post will be removed soon-ish. Just in case someone I go to church with happens to read this blog, which at this time, not a soul even knows about :)

So. I. am. stressed. As in I have hives and had a migraine the past two days. It's not one thing in particular, but I think just a combination of a few things. 1) BoyTwo, 2) all the rest of my kids, 3) I teach a lesson in church. And not just any lesson. THE Christmas lesson.

Let's talk about 3. I don't generally fret about giving talks or lessons. Every once in a while something will cause me to become a little, shall we say, freaked out. As I look back, the times I can recall feeling like this are all the result of the same problem. Too much information to cover. That makes me panic because I tend to assume that the leader who has assigned me these multiple topics has something swimming around in their minds and I feel the pressure of having to deliver this magical lesson they are envisioning.

I have been praying and studying for this lesson for over a month. You'd think I could pull it together, but no. Well, I've got a plan, but I'm not feeling it or loving it. Whatever. One of the key components to this lesson was to have 'lots of singing' and to include some people who do not generally have the opportunity to be included. I originally thought this a fine idea as I try to always incorporate that into whatever I am doing. I am supposed to be covering a five page talk (that doesn't include the footnotes), the actual Christmas story, and lots of singing. In thirty-five minutes.

So, two Sundays ago the pianist (who is a. mazing.) approached me saying that she had asked so and so if she would be willing to do a solo. I have heard this woman sing before and she has a lovely voice. She happened to walk up while pianist and I were talking. She agreed to sing and asked what we would like her to sing. Because I was kind of caught on the spot and had yet to really zero in on my lesson, I told her I'd need to look over what I had prepared and let her know what song, if that was okay. She said that was fine, but then suggested singing 'Away in a Manger.' I immediately knew that this song was not going to work with the lesson I had been assigned (nothing personal to the song, just didn't go with everything else), so I said something like, 'well, let me get home and look what I have outlined and I'll give you a call. If you are set on that song, of course we would love for you to sing it, but if you are willing, there might be another that we could use.' She said sure.

But she didn't really mean it.

I called and talked with her today and asked if she'd be willing to sing 'O Holy Night.' Here are the two things that have spurred on this entire post. First, she kept referring to me as 'dear.' I felt so patronized. Don't talk to me like I'm four instead of thirty-four and don't know what I'm doing. grrrrr. Second, and really I should just laugh at this, but because I'm stressed it just isn't as funny as it should be, she said,

"Really? (try to hear the sarcasm) I guess I could, but that's just such a boring song."

really???? Melodically speaking, the voice range of 'O Holy Night' is much more impressive than her original suggestion of 'Away in a Manger.' 'O Holy Night' is also an international Christmas hymn. I'm sure they both are, but come on. Singing 'asleep, asleep' over and over isn't exactly enthralling. Also, both are beloved Christmas songs.

I ignored the comment of the song being boring and just thanked her for being willing to share her talent with us. Then she asked again if I was sure that this was the song I wanted her to sing. You know the tone, 'well, if you're sure,' that you use with your kids when they are about to go outside in the 10 degree weather without a coat on. I told her that yes, this was the song and thanked her again.

I'm sure that it's the straw that is breaking the camel's back as BoyTwo had yet another stellar day at school today and there's like, oh, a million bazillion things to be done.

Sometimes you just need to vent.

p.s. why, oh why, can't I tell a short story??? It's just not in me...