Dear Jerk

Dear Thoughtless, Selfish, Inconsiderate, Dishonest Jerk,

I just wanted to take a minute to express my heartfelt thanks, on the day prior to our departure, for causing us such an inconvenience by stealing our financial account numbers and going on a shopping spree in NYC.

I sincerely hope that you thoroughly enjoyed your binge at Home Depot. I truly hope that your house or apartment is literally falling apart and that you truly needed every single thing you purchased there, at our expense.

I hope that you enjoyed the sheer indulgence of the tranquil spa where you enjoyed all day pampering, because if I ever find you, you're going to have needed it. I hope that while you were there you had some allergic reaction or caught some fungus or infection so that you have a little reminder of your time there, again at our expense.

I wanted to let you know that after a day full of fun and throwing money all over the place without a care in the world, I sincerely appreciate you only spending $4.72 on a meal. It was the least you could do.

Please, don't worry about my family and the four children we are leaving behind for three weeks with a myriad of folks. Don't fret that we will be in a foreign country without any financial safety net of a credit card, access to a checking account or savings account. We will be just fine. Don't let it bother you that we now have to, in less than one day, rearrange all of our automatic bill pay accounts.

Again, I sincerely thank you for the opportunity to have a reality check. I'm so grateful to you for allowing us to reflect on such menial things as we didn't really have anything else to do during this 24 hour period prior to our departure.

And honestly, don't worry about us! We will be fine. I'm not even mad at all. I'm PISSED!!!!

Sincerely,

Stephanie