In the Orphanage

I went through our pictures that were taken when the boys were here visiting. It brought back a lot of good memories. We sure miss them. It has been great talking to them.

I remembered some things that I found out while they were here that I thought I would share.

1) In the orphanage the kids sleep with the lights on. After BoyOne would get tucked in, we'd shut off the lights (we had a night light in their room so they could see where they were). Later, before we went to bed, we'd make the rounds and check on all the kids. The light in the boys room was always on. At first we thought this was because BoyOne turned the light back on because he wasn't ready to go to sleep and then simply fell asleep with it on. Later we asked through a translator if the lights stayed on at night in the orphanage. They told us they did. It makes sense, I guess. You've got to be able to keep an eye on all those sleeping kiddos. But at the same time it makes me sad that they don't even get to have the lights out at night. They could at least make it dark so that it would be easier to imagine themselves someplace else, you know?

2) Our boys didn't use tissue to blow their noses. We never confirmed that this was common practice at the orphanage, but given the fact that we had plenty of tissues available at our house while they were here and they still used their "alternate method" we suspect this is the case. Either that or we have heard the toilet paper there is horrible and they just opt not to use it. So how then, one might ask, did they blow their cute little noses? I know right now you are thinking farmer blow. If you don't know what that is, you are lucky. It is sick. But not as sick as what they did. They would turn the sink on and put their fingers up to their noses and take a deep breath. The first time I witnessed this I thought they were going to plug their nose and stick their head under the running water to wash their face. Nope. They take that deep breath and hold their fingers to their noses as if they actually had tissue and then they blow, wiping the snot off their fingers in the running water in between blows. I have some weird quirks. I can handle blood, barf, poop, rodents, snakes, chaos. But I become physically ill when I have to deal with (get ready to laugh at me) spiders, sock lint, shredded paper or boogers. Needless to say when I saw this I immediately began dry heaving.

I hate thinking of them asleep in their shared bedroom (not shared with each other but with 10-12 other boys) with the lights on. I hate thinking that nobody kisses their foreheads after they fall asleep. I hate thinking of them waking up and not having someone to hug them and say that they love them and are so glad to see them. I hate thinking that on Christmas I'll be sitting next to my fire place with my kids all around me playing with their new gifts, knowing that in the orphanage they're likely getting, at best, one gift and that their "family" is a bunch of other kids who need love and support as much as they do. I hate that when I talk to them on the phone I don't know what to say. "How's life at the orphanage" or "Do you miss us" just doesn't bring those warm fuzzies. I try to ask if they are healthy and ask about the weather there. Then I tell them about our weather and share some of my new Russian phrases. What a lame conversation. We shoot the breeze, but I feel weird knowing that I'm where I'm at and that they are there. That being said, we all still really like talking to each other:) It just makes my heart heavy to think of them with so little and me with sooooo much. I try to remind myself that at least they are being fed and have a roof over their heads, but it just seems so shallow.